Screaming child visiting during lockdown...

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We have new next door neighbours and they have a balcony that overlooks the garden. Over the last couple of weeks, another couple with a small child visit their garden for 1-3 hours a day. Our neighbour sits on the balcony and chats to the visitors whilst they use the garden/paddling pool.

Their kid screams constantly. The parents chase the kid to make it scream, and do absolutely nothing to stop it screaming... they almost encourage it.

My two issues:

1. I assume this is against lockdown rules? But if they are coming from a flat and/or have no outside space, I do understand why they'd do this. Especially when the weather is nice.

However....

1. The screaming is driving me mad. I have a 7 month old DD and it's waking her up from naps and I can hear it inside with windows /doors closed... it's relentless and not limited to warm days, they come nearly every day. I don't Kline shouting/laughing etc.. all kids make noise, but the screaming constantly is horrendous!

I'm not confrontational and if I didn't have a child, I'd probably just turn they tv/radio up and ignore it. But lockdown is hard enough without an overtired baby!

AIBU to find this pretty unacceptable...? Tbh I'm such a wimp I'd probably never say anything, but need to vent!

@HavelockVetinari
Some people have DC who are screamers - it's really really annoying, but they can't stop it

Absolute rot. Of course you can if I can ensure my dogs do not bark and annoy my neighbours (and they love a good bark at birds who have the audacity to fly over their airspace), parents can reason with children, who, you know, understand human language

Why do so many of you not realise that this is against the lockdown ?

Is it, though? Aren't the parents taking their child for daily exercise while staying the correct distance from all people outside their household?

YABU - They are doing nothing wrong.

They are leaving they home for exercise and are on private property not outside of a group of their household.

The noise is a red herring, it is perfectly acceptable family noise - something you just have to live with.

Absolute rot. Of course you can confused if I can ensure my dogs do not bark and annoy my neighbours (and they love a good bark at birds who have the audacity to fly over their airspace), parents can reason with children, who, you know, understand human language hmm

please give us more pearls of parenting wisdom from your extensive experience of... dogs.

I think part of the issue here is it's not clear what OP means by 'small child'. Since she describes them finding it exciting and hilarious when their dad roars at them I think she's probably talking about a young toddler, so, no, the parents can't just reason with them. That doesn't mean they can't (and shouldn't) try and control them at all, but no you can't just tell a toddler during their one chance to run around all day that they must be considerate of others and consider the case closed. Sorry if that's not the same as your dogs...

Eurgh that would do my head in, especially as they don't live there. Of course some little ones scream, but encouraging it with noisy games is annoying. Not sure what you can do really!

Some people have DC who are screamers - it's really really annoying, but they can't stop it.

This.

Short of stuffing a sock in his mouth how can I actually stop my screamy child from screaming??

You can't reason with or forcibly control the sounds coming out of a young child.

Obviously in OP's case they are encouraging it - but maybe they have to try to be quiet in their flat and it's the child's only chance to cut loose.

I have a screamer. Those saying "just tell them to be quiet" are welcome to come round and try!

Any attempt to quiet him results in more screaming. If you shush him, he will shush you back aggressively. He has the most awful, high-pitched screech I honestly think it could weaponised.

So, any visits to other people's homes are usually 20 minutes or less. When he's in the garden, we do calm activities like bug hunts, chalks etc. The football or the paddling pool unleashes the beast.

He's only 3 and will hopefully grow out of it. I can't always stop his screaming but I can try to minimise the effect on others.

I'm not sure if it's against the rules or not.. they definitely drive here as their car is parked in the driveway, but they don't have contact with anyone.

To answer some questions...
I'd say the little boy is 2-3 years old
Our NDNs are early 30s, which is a similar age to the visitors with their child I think. So maybe friends or siblings?

I totally understand how awful it would be to have a small child with no garden, so I do get why they are doing this (I don't know that they have no garden, I'm just assuming). My issue is more the noise than lockdown, although I do think the rules are there for a reason....

I'd say on average they are here for 2 hours a day over lunch time. I know it's only a small part of the day, but if my DD doesn't nap properly, she's a nightmare for many more hours after they have gone!!

I agree with the majority though, I'll pop my head over in a casual way and do the whole frazzled first time mum routine (I have that nailed ) and ask if they can help me out etc...
hopefully they'll be ok about it... if they're not then I can't report them as they'd know it was me and I really don't want to have issues with my neighbours... it's not a shared garden, but they overlook ours when they sit on their balcony, so we won't be able to avoid each other over summer!

You stop a child from unnecessary screaming by not putting up with it. By telling them to stop then enforcing it if they don't. The same way you'd stop that child from hitting or other negative behaviours.

Yes, I have children (now grown). And no, they weren't screamers. Because they were taught not to.

"We don't scream unless we are badly hurt. Screaming hurts people's ears. No more screaming, or we will stop (name activity) and go home/inside/into separate rooms." And follow through immediately. It worked for me on my own and on visiting children, too. "We don't scream here. If you can't stop screaming, you need to go straight home. Shall I phone (name parent) and ask him/her to come and pick you up, or can you play without screaming?"

one form of exercise a day, for example a run, walk, or cycle - alone or with members of your household

This is NOT driving to someone else's house to use their garden for 1 - 3 hours and using a paddling pool ! Yup it seems many people are pretty stupid ! Let's hope you're not like the local guy here who was letting his children play with others in neighbouring gardens and his father is now dead from coronavirus !

My 11 yr old has ASD and he often screams . It drive me insane and I really feel for my poor neighbours
But aside from taping his mouth shut there’s nothing I can do to stop him

@70isaLimitNotaTarget

In fact a prolonged scream would get
"Are you hurt"
"No"
"Do you want to be"?

This made me laugh!

@Fidgety31 that must be so hard. I do understand in some circumstances, there's nothing that can be done.

In this case, I think the child can play quietly sometimes, it really does seem to be encouraged as it makes them laugh. Tbh I'd be screaming if someone was incessantly chasing me and chucking me in a paddling pool! If he was screaming but I could hear them occasionally trying to reason with him/calm him down, I'd be more accepting of it.

@AcrossthePond55 how do you enforce a child to stop screaming though? You can stop hitting by physically blocking it so it's not the same. Young children don't have impulse control.

We don't scream unless we are badly hurt. Screaming hurts people's ears. No more screaming, or we will stop (name activity) and go home/inside/into separate rooms.

@nearlygranny Have said this or similar until blue in the face. Doesn't stop the screaming (yes I follow through). My DC usually screams/cries because he's emotionally overwhelmed and upset. He isn't able to control it.

I think if you've not had a proper screamer - which you haven't by the sounds of it - you won't know what it's like.

Some of the screamers will be screaming more at the moment. My son isn't one but is making stimming noises and banging on things more loudly and frequently than usual due to anxiety.

Disagree with everyone else. A child playing with its parents for two hours, even if noisily, is not unreasonable. If the timing of it is bad for you, then explain this to them and see if they can come at another time.

There is no other way you can address this issue without it becoming uncomfortable. Complaining about children playing outside for a couple of hours a day will just make you look unreasonable and controlling. If you want to avoid a falling out, you need to frame your discussion around the timing, not the fact of the playing and associated noise.

The screaming would really annoy me, especially as the child doesnt even live at that house. But then, hopefully when restrictions are eased at least you know they wont be there on a daily basis. I can see why you'd want to have a word with the neighbours, but I'd be worried about making things awkward with them, especially as they overlook your property. I always tell my own children to be mindful of the noise they make in the garden. If they scream I bring them in. They soon learn! Hmm, not really sure what to advise but I feel for you!

Oh God the screaming.

We have an absolute dick who lives at the back of us, to top it all the absolute moron encourages the kids to have screaming competitions. He knows it's fucking annoying because the only time I've heard him shhh them is when the 'mother' is.sleeping her hangover off.

@nanbread

By constant reinforcement. And I didn't need to 'block' them from hitting, they learnt to not hit by constant supervision and reinforcement. Negative behaviour gets negative consequences. Whether it's time out, taking away toys, or simply a lecture. You have to figure out what works for your child. It's not a one size fits all situation. What worked for my DS1 didn't work for DS2. It takes time and perseverance.

Unfortunately utterly selfish thick as pig shit scumbags seem to rule in the UK. I am just surprised more people haven't flipped and murdered their noisy cunt neighbours during lockdown.

He has the most awful, high-pitched screech I honestly think it could weaponised.

You win Greatest Post of the Thread.

This was a close second. Although would most likely be ruled out due to offensive language!!...

Unfortunately utterly selfish thick as pig shit scumbags seem to rule in the UK. I am just surprised more people haven't flipped and murdered their noisy cunt neighbours during lockdown

I've no issue with them coming over as it sounds like they're being safe. But deliberately playing games that make a child scream: not on.
Say something polite but firm.

Bad parents make screaming children. In the end the parents don't even hear the screams.

As to whether you make a formal complaint- well it sounds as if it is bad enough to need one.