Rules re. leaving the house **Title edited by MNHQ**

[Trying2611]

To cool of for serval days after an argument at home? AIBU to think that people are going to find a way to manipulate this rule by using it as an excuse for a holiday to see friends for a week then returning home?

Oh, definitely. I was straight on messenger to my best mate, suggesting that she invent some arguments with her DH so she could come to my house. Simultaneously, I thought I’d have a go at my own DH for cracking my teapot yesterday, so that he might go to his best mate’s house.

But seriously, yes, I think there are some who will absolutely read this as: weekends away to the countryside are back on! Hot tub cocktails, anyone?

Rather than reading into this the far more serious implication that “cooling off” is a disturbing reference to domestic abuse/violence.

It is obviously there so people in awful situations have a state approval to leave an abuser.
It will of course be exploited by morons

Seriously? If people wanted to stay at a friends house they would already be doing it. What’s stopping them? If a friend wanted to come to mine think a police officer is going to stop them? Come and arrest me or the friend? No. We don’t do it because it’s the sensible thing to do. Doesn’t mean others aren’t currently doing that.

Same with exercise. We know some people are flouting the rules to exercise in groups, doesn’t mean exercise shouldn’t be allowed.

Everyone knows what this is for and it’s to prevent domestics from escalating / give an out for victims of abuse. I’d far rather people in those situations had an out (that is ‘allowed’). If some people then flout it, so be it.

I'm sure people will abuse it. But it may help reduce instances of domestic violence which I think is the aim.

To add on to that I’ve seen a doctor no less kick off saying it’s not fair that that’s allowed but she can’t go and see her boyfriend for a weekend

People who live with abusers are often in denial - they will rationalise abuse as 'all couples have arguments' and very possibly use the stress of lockdown as a way of excusing their abuser's behaviour. Abusers will use such explanations themselves to minimise what they are doing.

The existing 'out' - to flee from harm - may not be something that either party wants to think applies to them. The 'cooling off' reason will allow the victim to leave the house without having to consider whether they are fleeing from harm - given that the most important thing is for the victim to make themselves safe, this is a good move.

And of course it will offer what it says on the tin to people who aren't in an abusive relationship but are finding isolation is leading to heated arguments.

If my lovesick teen DS gets wind of this he’ll be trying to wangle an argument so he can go ‘cool off’ at his girlfriend’s house!

Well no it’s pretty clear

You can go for a cooling off period after an argument in your own home. The visit has to measured in days not hours.

The people that want to see friends, stay at friends are already doing it.

Honestly the only people meeting up with friends now, clearly want to get sick. That’s up to them tbh, the government have told us to stay home, the press is reporting how many deaths we have. If dippy Jane wants to visit sue then maybe it’s natural selection 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes to everything @Pelleas wrote. The wording is really well put and sounds like they've consulted with organisations working with domestic violence.

YANBU. I’ve come to the conclusion those who exploit the rules and get sick, it’s down to natural selection now. 🤷🏻‍♀️
Only so many times you can tell someone something.

This is why they are refusing to comment on possible exit strategies because people immediately start to think 'oh well if going to be OK to do that next week I can do it now'. These aren't new rules or a relaxation of the old, just more detailed clarification to allow people in trapped situations to feel that they can leave. It wasn't the case before that they couldn't but as is evidenced on here with people talking about their 'allowed one hour exercise' many people have been confused and petrified by the curtain twitches into not applying common sense. I agree that these clarifictions will see some people taking the piss sadly but equally, with the vast majority complying more than the gov anticipated and NHS capacity in good shape, I doubt the few idiots that do use this as an excuse will break the progress being made.

I think they know people will abuse it . People are obsessed with lockdown being the answer it really isn't all it does is press pause. You could lockdown for a year the virus is still there with no cure or vaccine and no one exposed to it so everyone vulnerable .

At the moment they are not upto capacity in hospitals so another group of people infect small% needing treatment the rest of them will hopefully have some form of imunity .

It not a "new rule".

Someone shared some guidance for the police of examples that might be reasonable reasons for being out and now people like you are spreading it around that there are "new rules"

Maybe, if you are an absolute moron. If you are the kind of moron who would do this, you are probably ignoring the rules anyway.

I agree with it in principle, ie letting sufferers of domestic abuse know they are free to walk out and leave the home

However it's not really as simple as that in practice, when I was going through it in a past relationship there's no way he would allow me to just walk out of the house for a few days and if I tried to then I would be seriously harmed. It is when tensions are high that these bastards go out of their way to make sure you don't go anywhere.

There is no money to help people leave abuse there hasn't been for ages, services have been begging for the government and wider society to help because they have been trying to fight this fire with a water pistol! and now the numbers of people experiencing it and and the severity of some people's experiences has risen dramatically.

This is the only way for most people to get respite from the torment or finally leave because services literally have no way to help either because there is no funds or because the person isn't safe (because the abuser is in the house constantly) to engage with them.

Of course some complete arse holes are going to abuse it because they can't see past their own selfish needs.

Absolutely people will exploit it, but they’re likely to be the same people who are letting their children roam round in groups or having family round to their house for intergenerational barbecues. Hopefully there are enough of us sensible ones around to balance out the idiots.

Some muppets will abuse it of course but I think it's important that men or women experiencing domestic violence have somewhere to go.

YABU.

It must have been put in place to support families of domestic abuse who are unable to admit that they are at risk of abuse or violence.

If it was for "victims" only, people would be much less inclined to flee their destructive marriages.

What is this rule? I've not seen anything?

I think it should have been better explained- stating it is for fleeing domestic abuse- because calling it an argument minimises what domestic abuse is.

They're not 'new rules'. There was never any 'rule' saying you had to stay and suffer in a shitty situation at home or not ask your DP or older teen to go somewhere else for a while because things are heated or unbearable at home. Peoples MH is important too, despite what lots of MNetters think.

The problem was, that required common sense and understanding the difference between legislation and guidelines.

Which lots of people lack.

So you had people getting shouted at, told it was 'against the rules' and called names because they e.g wanted their daughter who is miserable and her MH is declining rapidly as she's in a shared house with bullies, to come home for the rest of lockdown.

@Dollywood The legislation already covered domestic abuse.

This is seperate.

Agree pelleas.

And no, this is not a 'new rule'.

I'm reporting your thread Op as I think the title is extremely foolish (when you clearly know from the rest of your post that it is to do with preventing domestic abuse) and users of the site may well just read the title and think this is ok to do