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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My neighbour has struck again with racist attack - long

54 replies

myboysmum · 17/04/2020 00:11

I posted here before about my neighbour who complained to the council about my outside light. The council told her to keep a diary which she did

and she then reported that we had it on for hours at a time every day which was a complete lie as I had also kept a diary and she had exaggerated loads. The council then wanted to come to my house to do their own investigation and look at the light but I said no as I am shielding so not accepting any visitors so to contact me in 12 weeks. She also called the police who paid us a visit. A couple of weeks later when I was standing on my doorstep, she stood there and stared at me. I asked her what her problem was and she kept saying she couldn't hear me. I repeated it several times and she then said I wasn't talking English. I didn't understand what she meant at the time. I am English and white by the way and so is she. This is relevant later. Couple of days ago my partner was jet washing our pathway and also our side of the fence between our houses which were covered in green mildew. The fence does belong to her. She then ranted at him that he was breaking the law by jet washing the fence and the water was also splashing onto her driveway and she would call the police if he didn't stop. He said it was only water and he was actually doing her a favour by cleaning her fence. He had actually finished at that point so came indoors.

Today it has got worse. He got in the car to go shopping and then realised half way there that he forgot his wallet so returned home. There were no other parking spaces so he parked across her drive and popped quickly into the house. We then heard the sound of a car horn constantly so he ran back outside and she screamed at him not to block her drive. He apologised and said I just popped in to pick up wallet. She just carried on shouting like a mad woman. I then went outside to see what was going on. Six months ago I was diagnosed with cancer and have just completed my chemo which has made me completely lose my hair. I wasn't wearing a wig or hat at the time and she looked at me and said "uhh look at you, what do you look like" I was so shocked and screamed at her that I had fucking cancer, she then said "oh well that's what you get for living with him" and pointed at my partner who is black. She then went on about our light (which we haven't used in the last 2 weeks) and the jet wash again and said we were breaking the law and people from this country do not do things like that and she was calling the police. I then realised that she is racist and that's what her problem has been all along. I told her actually both me and my partner were born and bred in this country and to go ahead and call the police and I would tell them exactly what's she's like. She came back 5 minutes later and said the police are on their way although we haven't had a visit. We have lived here nearly two years and have never had a problem with her. She never spoke to me even if I said hello to her but she had spoke to my partner a couple of times and seemed fine. Just out the blue she has completely turned physco. I know my partner should not have parked across her drive and he apologised for that but did we really deserve the abuse we got regarding my hair loss and his race. Can't believe some people can be so fucking nasty.

OP posts:
Smileyaxolotl1 · 17/04/2020 00:19

Yanbu - but to be honest she sounds mentally ill.
How awful for you though. X

mrwalkensir · 17/04/2020 00:19

maybe frontal lobe dementia setting in - she's losing her social skills and (maybe) showing her underlying nastiness. Sadly all you can do is keep your own records of her vitriol. Don't let it get you down (yep - easy to say xxxxx). There are some mean people out there, and what's going on at the moment brings it out

SouthsideOwl · 17/04/2020 00:47

Oh my god OP this is horrendous. If the police ever DO show up, I would give them a blow by blow account of what you've written here. What a horrible person.

It must be so difficult but please don't let this get to you..urgh I'm so angry for you!

Hope your recovery is going well and your holding up.

BrummyMum1 · 17/04/2020 00:48

What an awful, horrible experience for you. She’s either totally nasty/mentally ill or has dementia. Either way it sounds like she’ll eventually get fined or charged for wasting police time (this happened to a nasty neighbour of mine, that eventually shut her up!)

myboysmum · 17/04/2020 00:54

I have just googled that type of dementia and yes it does sound like her. I used to work in the office of a dementia residential home so have quite a bit of experience dealing with it but never came across anybody like this. She was practically foaming at the mouth when she was shooting at us. How do I deal with this ? obviously it's not her fault if she is like this due to dementia but I shouldn't have to put up with her abuse either way. if the police do turn up then I will tell them I believe she is being racist but I guess they won't do anything. My only option really is to move house.

OP posts:
myboysmum · 17/04/2020 01:02

She told my partner before Christmas that she is a medium and she hears voices and sees fairies in her garden. This was before the abuse started and she would happily speak to him

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 17/04/2020 01:16

Document and date exactly what was said in case you ever need evidence. Normally I would say put up some sort of CCTV device, but any sort of recording of her talking like this would be good to keep as long as you don't inflate the situation. I am sure police will not be interested at the moment but if they do come to talk to you again, you will have something to show them and they would be interested in the racist comments.

Sorry you are going through this OP

Aloe6 · 17/04/2020 01:28

I wonder what her side of the story would be. Your light shouldn’t be disturbing your neighbours, it should only be illuminating your own property. Blocking her driveway after the confrontation was antagonistic. I can’t see that she’s said anything racist in your OP.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 17/04/2020 01:30

aloe the Woman said that the OPs cancer was punishment for marrying her husband who is black.

Howaboutanewname · 17/04/2020 01:33

How do I deal with this ?

Film it. Keep your phone handy and film her and her rants. Keep for the council re: the light, send to the Police and ask for a visit to her for harassment purposes and post to your local Facebook groups.

myboysmum · 17/04/2020 01:34

@aloe6. Saying I was not speaking English, pointing at my partner saying I got cancer cos I lived with him and saying people from THIS COUNTRY don't break the law. Sounds completely racist to me

OP posts:
DdraigGoch · 17/04/2020 01:35

she then said "oh well that's what you get for living with him" and pointed at my partner who is black. She then went on about our light (which we haven't used in the last 2 weeks) and the jet wash again and said we were breaking the law and people from this country do not do things like that
@Aloe6 did you miss this entire passage?

Aloe6 · 17/04/2020 01:41

She said "oh well that's what you get for living with him" and then pointed at OPs partner. What’s racist about that? It could just be she thinks OPs partner is an idiot.

myboysmum · 17/04/2020 01:45

When you put that together with the talking English comment and people from this country it so obviously is meant in a racist way

OP posts:
Actionhasmagic · 17/04/2020 01:47

Sorry you’ve been through this

Aloe6 · 17/04/2020 01:47

If that’s what you think then I sincerely hope it’s taken seriously by the police.

Klonda · 17/04/2020 01:55

I think you'd have to be wilfully blind to miss the racism there. Best of luck OP.

myboysmum · 17/04/2020 01:58

I wish now I had recorded it but didn't think about it at the time. I will be ready if there's a next time though

OP posts:
Blubelle7 · 17/04/2020 02:05

Wow of course it couldn't possibly be racist and OP and her partner are over sensitive and the problem for even thinking it is. In fact I am offended on that woman's behalf and everyone else who has to deal with everyone choosing to see race in innocent comments.

FFS (Big eyeroll)!

OP do keep a record of all your interactions and record if you can. It will help in either case that she is just mean or she is ill as you have a record and proof.

Hollyhobbi · 17/04/2020 02:21

OP what age is the next door neighbour do you know?

myboysmum · 17/04/2020 02:26

I would reckon late 60's early 70's. We have been nothing but nice to her and my partner even offered to put up some fencing for her last year that she wanted to replace. We have never been really friendly with her but would always be polite and say hello if we saw her

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 17/04/2020 03:39

Like others said, film it if you can.
Avoid her if you can
Leave the outside light off
Only park in your own driveway
If she kicks off like a lunatic, you'll have the video of it.

Notapheasantplucker · 17/04/2020 04:25

She sounds vile. She was clearly being racist, and even if she wasn't, that's a disgusting thing to say to someone about having cancer. What a nasty person.

I echo what other PP's have said, just be ready to record her next time and keep a note of everything. I would honestly invest in outdoor cameras.

Hope you're feeling well OPFlowers

Bowerbird5 · 17/04/2020 04:33

Sorry you have had to put up with that. Our neighbours didn’t like something we did in our garden and she ranted and raved at my husband and her language was choice. They don’t speak to us now and she makes a point of blanking us. It suits me now. So maybe don’t engage at all might help. Once it happens a few times you will probably feel a bit better as you then have the control. The woman before her told me to go back to my own country I have a different accent but I am white and born in Britain just not England and my accent is from abroad now. It was the first time I felt how it must be for people just because of their skin. I have witnessed it at work and have supported the victim but when it happened to me it made me understand a little more how that person must feel. I hope you begin to recover soon you have enough to deal with but perhaps she does have dementia. Is there anyone locally that you could ask whether they think there has been a change in her?

I hope things improve 🌺

myboysmum · 17/04/2020 17:05

We have had a phone call from the police now. He said we had done nothing wrong and he had told her that. He said our light was a bit bright so suggested we reduce it somehow but would not enforce it as we were not breaking the law. He also said we are within our rights to jet wash our side of the fence as we were maintaining it. I spoke to him about the racist comments and he agreed that they were racist and said he would be phoning her up to see what she had to say for herself. He said at this point her comments were not enough for an official complaint but if we received anymore they would take it further. He also said she does have some mental health issues but that did not excuse her talking to us like that. He has told me to phone 111 if she starts again

OP posts: