My neighbour has struck again with racist attack - long

[myboysmum]

I posted here before about my neighbour who complained to the council about my outside light. The council told her to keep a diary which she did

and she then reported that we had it on for hours at a time every day which was a complete lie as I had also kept a diary and she had exaggerated loads. The council then wanted to come to my house to do their own investigation and look at the light but I said no as I am shielding so not accepting any visitors so to contact me in 12 weeks. She also called the police who paid us a visit. A couple of weeks later when I was standing on my doorstep, she stood there and stared at me. I asked her what her problem was and she kept saying she couldn't hear me. I repeated it several times and she then said I wasn't talking English. I didn't understand what she meant at the time. I am English and white by the way and so is she. This is relevant later. Couple of days ago my partner was jet washing our pathway and also our side of the fence between our houses which were covered in green mildew. The fence does belong to her. She then ranted at him that he was breaking the law by jet washing the fence and the water was also splashing onto her driveway and she would call the police if he didn't stop. He said it was only water and he was actually doing her a favour by cleaning her fence. He had actually finished at that point so came indoors.

Today it has got worse. He got in the car to go shopping and then realised half way there that he forgot his wallet so returned home. There were no other parking spaces so he parked across her drive and popped quickly into the house. We then heard the sound of a car horn constantly so he ran back outside and she screamed at him not to block her drive. He apologised and said I just popped in to pick up wallet. She just carried on shouting like a mad woman. I then went outside to see what was going on. Six months ago I was diagnosed with cancer and have just completed my chemo which has made me completely lose my hair. I wasn't wearing a wig or hat at the time and she looked at me and said "uhh look at you, what do you look like" I was so shocked and screamed at her that I had fucking cancer, she then said "oh well that's what you get for living with him" and pointed at my partner who is black. She then went on about our light (which we haven't used in the last 2 weeks) and the jet wash again and said we were breaking the law and people from this country do not do things like that and she was calling the police. I then realised that she is racist and that's what her problem has been all along. I told her actually both me and my partner were born and bred in this country and to go ahead and call the police and I would tell them exactly what's she's like. She came back 5 minutes later and said the police are on their way although we haven't had a visit. We have lived here nearly two years and have never had a problem with her. She never spoke to me even if I said hello to her but she had spoke to my partner a couple of times and seemed fine. Just out the blue she has completely turned physco. I know my partner should not have parked across her drive and he apologised for that but did we really deserve the abuse we got regarding my hair loss and his race. Can't believe some people can be so fucking nasty.

If she is known to have mh issues hopefully the police have informed her mh team. Keep out of her way. Dont park across the driveway or jetwash her fence. Put a smaller bulb in the light and be ready to record any further rants.

You mean 101?

111 won’t help you much

All the same OP sorry this is happening

Not knowing the set up of your door/her door/drive etc would it be worth getting something like a ring doorbell to record things?

Personally I'd keep a record of everything but make sure you don't antagonise her with parking over the drive etc as it's obviously winding her up even more.

She is obviously mentally ill - either a longstanding condition or the effects of dementia kicking in as she ages.

To be fair to her, the potential racism aside (for now), a lot of her complaints sound valid. You shouldn't jetwash her property, especially at times like this - the spray will redistribute any coronavirus on the surfaces into the air. Secondly it's incredibly rude to block someone else's drive, and if there is a car parked on it it's not legal either.

Back to the racism. This brings up an interesting topic, in that to what extent is someone responsible for racist or other objectionable behaviour when they are mentally unwell? Grandmothers who have been perfectly lovely all their lives until dementia kicks in and suddenly they are verbally and physically abusive. Old men who start to grope their carers. If the person has an illness, does this mean that their behaviour has to be tolerated because they may not have the capacity to control it? We (mostly) would say this was the case, children with a disease which makes them unusually noisy in restaurants, for example. So presumably, if the woman in the OP's situation is indeed mentally ill, is it her fault or should we be more tolerant of her?

I really feel for you. And think it’s generous of you to consider that she is being affected by some sort of mental incapacity or dementia. I hope that things don’t get worse and if they do the police can help. There is a type of dementia called Lewy Body, where the affected person becomes paranoid and often doesn’t recognise people they know. The paranoia can extend to accusing friends and family of various things. I’m wondering if something like this is happening? Can you talk to any friends or family of this woman to find out if she had become unwell?

Glad the Police are on your side OP.

Why would you let things escalate regarding the light? Whilst legal, it is too bright and obviously causing her distress. She had to keep a diary to fight her case when you could have just changed to a lower wattage bulb or change the angle of the light? Also, the council could have come round to inspect it, saying no for the 12 weeks was petty. It really didn't need to come to this. Add in the jet washing, parking across her drive etc. It doesn't excuse her comments, but from someone who was pleasant to you both, to now behaving like this to the point the police know she has MH issues, makes this even more sad that it probably could have been avoided

She may be feeling very stressed and anxious like a lot of us are. I dont think jetwashing someone elses fence without their permission is fair. Jetwashing wood could cause damage and rot. I would be really angry if my ndn did this. Parking over her drive was unnecessary and its easy to reduce the light outside. Like pp says the council could easily have done an inspection from the outside. If she does have mh problems these sorts of things could make her feel very anxious.

Soubriquet - whoops that what I meant

Scrumptiousbears - the ring door wouldn't work but we are thinking of putting a security camera up as we keep finding scratches on our cars and think it might be her.

Clare0clare - my partner was jet washing on our property. The police told us it is our responsibility to maintain the fence regardless of who owns it as it's our side of the property. I agree to not blocking her drive but it was literally for about 1 minute if that and he apologised to her for that and moved it straightaway. I do believe she has mental health issues but don't think that's an excuse for her behaviour. She goes out daily in her car too, dread to think what her road rage is like.

Matildalamp - I have seen her have one visitor who I think maybe her son but we've never spoken to him. We haven't seen him since the lockdown.

Bmw6 - me too, he was actually really nice about it.

Neon- we haven't let it escalate with the light. I told the council I wouldn't use it but he asked me to carry on as normal so he could get a true picture of how often we used it to see if he felt it was excessive from her diary, she then exaggerated the diary as we only used it around 5 times over 10 days for a couple of minutes at a time. In the last 2 to 3 weeks we haven't used it at all. We had no idea she had a problem with the light until we received at letter from the council. She hadn't mentioned it to us beforehand, if she had we would have gladly done something about it. The council wanted to come round but I am in the shielding category so not having visitors, this was the Thursday before the lockdown anyway so either way they couldn't come. How can protecting myself from other people who may have the virus be petty !! If I get this virus, my body will not be able to fight it and it will very likely kill me. My type of cancer kills my immune system as well as the chemo killing it. Also what is wrong with jet washing, everybody does it. Yes they are loud and annoying but that's life. Yes he shouldn't have parked across the drive but as I said before, he did apologise

If you genuinely feel she is doing this because of your husbands colour then you need to call the police . Start playing her at her own game. Maybe even have a camera up if you can with audio so it’s always recording incase something happens again and you don’t have a device handy.

Just to add, the police told me that the light shines in her bathroom window and for some reason she has no door on her bathroom so the light shines through to other areas of her bungalow. She is still going on about the light to the police even though we haven't used it for ages so I actually think it's the light from my kitchen that she is referring to. She has a red permanent light on her security light which although not excessively bright it shines through our kitchen window constantly.

Maybe blinds in the kitchen would solve both lighting problems. Is that something you would consider. If you put up security lights woukd they emit a red light onto her property.

Yes it would emit her red light but having blinds up (even Venetian ones opened) makes my kitchen too dark on the day as the window looks right out onto the 6' high fence that separates my house from hers so not a lot of natural light coming in plus they collect too much dust. Tbh though why should I go to the expense of a blind at my window, I cant understand why she hasn't got a door on her bathroom

Can you not get a ring door bell and angle it in a way it would catch any rants for evidence. They do cover quite a wide angle. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Just give her a very wide birth and totally ignore her. Keep a log of anything, however small. Word for word or as close to with as much detail as possible. Then save your doorbell videos. You could also get a PIR light that only comes on when there's motion if it helps keep some peace.

P.S you can get a privacy window film in many different patterns. Some are really pretty. You can stick it to half the window or all the window and they let all the light in but keep your privacy in the house. I use this. It's only around £5.

The police have stated that your light is a bit bright and you know it's bothering her.

You've jetwashed her fence possibly damaging it and most certainly spraying crap on her property (if the mess my DH made jet washing our patio is anything go by).

Your partner has blocked her driveway.

It's almost as if you're deliberately to antagonise her.

She is vile
OP
I have no words

Just realise she is a crazy racist bitch and do whatever you can to not think about and engage with her madness

Easier said that done

Jesus . Really don’t let her bully you and she is wrong

Track the racist comments too

Sounds like the plolice can tell you are in the right. however don't jet wash a wooden fence as it could be damaged and is a good idea to move to a lower wattage bell and don't park across her drive.

And sort the light out . As it will get her off
Your back and stop the abuse

I think she is obviously I'll however as the pist goes on OP is sounding a bit antagonistic. You wouldn't let council come as you are shielding - it's an outside light, you didn't need to let them in, parking over driveway, now complaining about her light but you won't get a blind and who hetwashes a fence?

Smile and tell her to call the police/council/whatever. Kindly point out to her that all her complaints are legally required to hand over to any prospective buyer. Smile. Keep smiling. Write everything down. Stay calm. It doesn't matter if she is mental ill or has dementia or is just a nasty horrible person - treat her with the kindness you woudl reserve for the mentally infirm. This will drive her mad
"yes of course sweetheart, call whoever you like"
"Yes call the council, of course, are you sure you are ok"
That sort of thing. Smile at your DH. Kiss him on the driveway. Share your love with the world.

I say this as a mixed race woman who suffered similar.

With people who exhibit racist behaviour towards you, you need to do everything to show ignorant people that you aren't at fault in case the issues escalate.

So OP if she owns the fence you don't have to maintain it at all and should ask her permission to do anything to it. If her fence falls down due to her refusing to allow you to maintain it on your side, you can put your own up right next to her rotten one but on your side. It can even touch her fence to make it difficult for her to steal an inch of your land but should be self-supporting.

As fences are a hotly disputed area there are garden law websites that have been going for a couple of decades now that you can easily find this information.

The police are there to keep the peace and some of the advice they give doesn't stand up in a court.

There is nothing wrong with pressure washing a wooden fence; various places online reccomend it as the best way of cleaning one.

The OP was specifically told by the council to carry on using the light as normal for now.

Parking across someone's drive for less than a minute is a really trivial thing for someone to lose their shit at.

A lot of contrarians on here.

And sort the light out . As it will get her off Your back and stop the abuse
It doesn't work like that with racists......this woman is clearly just looking for ANY excuse to harass her neighbours.

The easiest solution is that SHE puts a blind on her window.
Don't give in to her and don't allow her to harass you.