Feel like a shit Mum for not loving this time with my child

[LajesticVantrashell]

On paper, I have no cause to complain. Me and DH both WFH, we split the day between us (I do 7-12 and he does 12-5). I only have one DC (3) and we have a garden.

BUT

Jesus it's killing me. He's normally in nursery 4.5 days a week and I cherish our Friday afternoons and the weekends, but without the distraction of the park, play dates, friends etc... we're just both getting bored.

He doesn't do crafts, we do play doh or Lego or colouring every morning, we go in the garden but I'm still struggling to entertain him. Every game ends up with an elaborate demand from him to "put your hand there no NOT LIKE THAT" and I have no idea what he wants me up do.

I just feel like a crap Mum because I can't fill his day up with fun. And don't worry, I don't need suggestions of activities, I just want to whiiiiiiiinge

Sorry you feel that way

I honestly can't imagine feeling that that if I had a garden and a DH to share the 'burden' and what sounds like a great routine.

With a garden and a DH it should be easier than that. But you feel what you feel so whinge away!

Feeling very much the same with my son age 3
Luckily we both work in social care so our son has some time in nursery but the four day bank holiday wss a killer. He turned into an angry biting toddler. He had no one to play with but us and no outside space. I feel you. Its shit.

Three year olds aren’t great. I’m glad mine are slightly older.

Please don't feel like crap mum!
It's a very hard time at the moment and it's a massive adjustment. It's very draining to suddenly have to provide constant entertainment for your children while trapped in the house.
I feel largely the same as you. My DS is also 3 and although he has autism so understandably is struggling in the current circumstances, I just feel so drained and like I want to hide away in the kitchen or some place quiet for 5 minutes.
I think a lot of people probably feel similar but are afraid to say it.
You're doing great in a really hard time so cut yourself some slack.

My kids are older but I remember 3 year olds and they are gorgeous pains in the arses.

Plus I have 2 and they entertain each other when if sometimes the entertaining means winding each other up. So I don't think you have it easy.

You're not a bad mum, you're a human being! Be nice to yourself. No, not like THAT (tee hee)

I don’t think you’re a crap Mum, you’re just being realistic. This is a hard slog for most people for various reasons - I don’t envy you having to keep a 3 year old going - it’s exhausting!

Dont feel like a bad mum, 3 year olds get bored so easily!

Does your little boy like water?? I have kept my 3 and 5 year old thoroughly entertained with a 79p bottle spray from home bargains and chalk! I draw things out with the chalks and they wash them away with the sprays

I played hide and seek with them both yesterday and got about 15 minutes of peace hidden in a wardrobe

We are the same. I'll play with him, but it's him constantly telling me the car has to go this way and I'm not allowed to play with that car because that's dads car. All of this is naturally spoken at full volume. His only interest is trains and cars. I. FUCKING. HATE. TRAINS.

Similar to you weekends are a doddle, park, soft play, days out all easy, now I'm stuck in with him whilst his dad swans of to work as normal 😩

2 year old over here. Currently working 5 onwards and I am so drained. He used to be in nursery 6 hours a week but didn't realise how much rest I needed and enjoyed my alone time. Now I'm never alone except the 5 minute drive to work and back. I just don't enjoy it and it's so hard to keep him entertained whereas flipping Peter rabbit or bing have him silent and behaved. Know it's not good for his development and we should be talking and interacting as much as possible but I'm just so drained from no rest and husband locked away working from home is basically having a second messier adult size child.

I have said a few times since lockdown started that I’m so, so grateful that my kids are older.

I enjoyed each of them as 3 year olds -but that was with the distractions of preschool, park, play dates, lots of outings etc. We were out and about all the time I can’t imagine how draining it must be to just have one 3 year old to try and entertain 24/7 so I absolutely feel for you, OP, it must be relentless.

Whilst siblings obviously fight at times and won’t always get on I think this situation is particularly tough on only children and their parents. Mine have their moments of getting on each other’s nerves but generally spend their days entertaining each other which makes life so much easier.

and you are not a crap mum. Small children can be very very boring.

It's hard and there's nothing that says you have to treasure and enjoy every single moment with your child. If you're acting as the sole carer every day, and they're an age where they require constant entertaining, then yes it can be draining and it's not all 'making memories' and doing lovely crafts you've found in Instagram all day. Especially with a child used to nursery and the constant activities and stimulation of other children. It's nothing to do with being a crap parent. You're a normal human being. If you were actually a crap parent then you wouldn't care about feeling this way.

And do you have any cardboard boxes lying around?? Again i kept my 3 year old entertained for days with a box, he drew on it at first, sat in it for his dinners ( his choice) and turned it into a fort

My daughter will sit nicely and do crafts but my 3 year old gets bored so easily,

He's been loving paint on his toy car wheels then making pictures with them, I've been using zip ties and washing up liquid for bubble blowers for them too,

I've also been putting a sheet on the washing line and they have played dens with them,

If you have a garden do races with him ( youll have to let him win ) mine always want a nice sit down after they've been racing

It's hard isnt it, have a google on ideas for a 3 year old theres so many good ones to keep them entertained, some they can do on their own!

Andthenyou

How rude.

If the OP had posted she was on benefits stayed at home with her DC and didn't work someone along the line would say she needed to get a job

But here she is working and paying for childcare and you have took that as she doesn't like spending time with her child??

Your not alone, its tough right now. Ignore the judgemental posts, aren't worth the breath.

Andthenyou what an unpleasant pose

ODFOD @Andthenyou We are several weeks in to lockdown with limited or no access to a lot of things you would do with a toddler or preschooler. It's not 'parenting' it's parenting under very unusual and challenging circumstances and people are entitled to find it hard. I'm far more suspicious of those who bluster about what a wonderful time this is tbh.

The games they play at 3 are very repetitive and it's very difficult at that age for them to explain what they want you to do. It's very annoying.

Try and be zen about it when you're playing. Put a time limit on it for yourself and hopefully he'll be happy to play on his own for a bit after you've given him your undivided attention for 30mins or so. If not stick cbeebies on .

Andthenyou.... What a truly awful and goady reply. Pleas ignore op!
Op loves her child and is just frustrated. IT'S Normal.
My mom loathed babies.. 4 of us kids... But loves older ones and wierdly esp teenagers. Anyone has development stages they struggle with.
I love my son at 21mtbs but he's frustrated as no where to run off energy and he's behavior is worse than normal due to this.
We normally do activities eg swimming lessons etc to tire him out as well as normal crafts and walk.
Also I'm trying to to work with him at home which isn't normal and he can't understand and wants attention.
It's very difficult.

@andthenyou - I'm not going to rise to the goading. How do you suggest I parent a three year old (in normal circumstances) without taking him to the park, or a play date with a friend? They are all age appropriate activities for toddlers, or am I doing this all wrong?

I am at home with 3 year old dc while dh is still working fulltime.

In the beginning, I was obsessed with filling the day with activities but in the last few days,we have been going out to the garden and I just let him get on with it and we are both much happier! He potters about with our dog, finds stones and leaves and brings them to me while I read a book in the sun.

I've also been spring cleaning so I set him up with a cloth and he follows me around dusting the furniture.

By the time you start looking after him you’ve already done 5 hours work. And he will be tired in the afternoons too. No wonder you’re struggling. This is not a case of “don’t enjoy my 3 year old” it’s “don’t enjoy it when we are both tired and stuck at home”.

Could you maybe swap shifts with your DH some days? You may find looking after him in the am and working in the pm easier?

My 3 year old and two year old have been watching too much tv and eating too many snacks. They're bored and sad from missing family and friends. Its hard and I hear you OP - there's a lot of tears and tantrums from them both.

My kids are now adults/ almost adults,lovely ones generally but I remember this age and the pressure to enjoy it .When my kids were 3 I was 29/30 years of age. Ofcourse we didnt like the same things!They liked tellytubbies and play dough,I liked live bands and real ale I did things that they enjoyed because that was part of the deal,but was I bored ,yeah loads of the time,and that was before a global pandemic when everything was shut!
Dont feel bad about this, try and do a couple of small activities a day and let them help you with making lunch etc.Dont feel you have to enjoy every moment,the best you can hope for is enjoying their enjoyment ,they will be fine,take the pressure of yourself. .

The way I see it is this will never happen again. hopefully It is a one off opportunity to be a family unit without all the outside slog of usual daily life.
Make the best of what you can, you will miss it when it is over.
I am wondering if the constant flow of friends in nursery is good for them fulltime.
It must be harder on them being alone than pt preschool DC.