Feel like a shit Mum for not loving this time with my child

[LajesticVantrashell]

On paper, I have no cause to complain. Me and DH both WFH, we split the day between us (I do 7-12 and he does 12-5). I only have one DC (3) and we have a garden.

BUT

Jesus it's killing me. He's normally in nursery 4.5 days a week and I cherish our Friday afternoons and the weekends, but without the distraction of the park, play dates, friends etc... we're just both getting bored.

He doesn't do crafts, we do play doh or Lego or colouring every morning, we go in the garden but I'm still struggling to entertain him. Every game ends up with an elaborate demand from him to "put your hand there no NOT LIKE THAT" and I have no idea what he wants me up do.

I just feel like a crap Mum because I can't fill his day up with fun. And don't worry, I don't need suggestions of activities, I just want to whiiiiiiiinge

Just wanted to say I totally relate to the 3yo 'play with me, but not like that' thing. It would drive anyone mad, mine is very much like that too. Agree with pp on cardboard boxes, mine boys (2 and 3) have spent a lot of time hiding in them, pretending they're cars/trains, filling them with random things.... If all else fails I give them a bucket of soapy water and sponges and get them to wash something - my car, their bikes, the playhouse, the deck...... 😆

There is no harm with letting them watch tv or YouTube at this time. Try to relax it is suffocating stuck on lock down.

I wouldn't worry about being a shit mum OP.

I see all the lovely dovey posts about enjoying the time baking, being with the 'mini me's', all having oh such a wonderful time playing in the sun and being a family and think HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....HA whilst I sit there stressed, wanting to throttle the kids, would genuinely rather stick hot pokers in my eyes than do anymore craft activities or bake anymore fucking cupcakes.

I've now fully embraced being the 'shit' mum and kids are upstairs on their screens where they'll probably remain for most of the day and I'm trying to refrain from drinking wine at 11:15am.

This is me RN. Don't be too hard on yourself! I'm mainly aiming for just keeping them watered and fed at the moment 😊

Hi OP! I hear you! 🙋🏼‍♀️

I have a 3.5yo DD and a husband at home and I'm really struggling.

DD doesn't play by herself at all, she demands attention for the 12 hours she's awake. She skipped the terrible two's and is a full blown threenager.

DH are arguing as we're on top of each other and DD is wearing us both down on top of financial worry.

I'm an introvert and really need alone time which I can't get often. I don't enjoy going for walks so when people suggest that I feel like telling them to fuck off.

Everybody's different and everyone struggles with different things. It isn't top trumps of who has it the hardest. An introvert can be struggling in lockdown surrounded by family whilst an extrovert can be struggling in lockdown alone.

OP, you are doing your best through very difficult times.

All my children loved cleaning.

I filled empty spray bottles with water and gave them a cloth and they would clean kitchen doors.

They would go out in the garden and spray the plants.
Give him the big important job of watering the plants, grass, walls...whatever.

All my children loved cleaning.I filled empty spray bottles with water and gave them a cloth and they would clean kitchen doors.

Say what?! God, I think I need to get a refund for mine

Very similar story here OP. DD is just gone 2, we both work full time so she's usually in nursery with lots of other kids to play with, organised activities, trips out around the local area etc. We just can't compete. And frankly aren't cut out to do so, which is why we don't work with children.

We're alternating days wfh - would you find that any easier if it was possible? It is nice to get a day away from toddler stuff.

But yeah, it's a slog. This thread has some good ideas for entertaining a toddler.

And I agree with the PP who said your DH has the easier shift, could you swap?

Oh, and Andthenyou, not only does DD usually go to nursery 8-5 five days a week, but she loves it, and we love them. They're part of our family and I bawled at pick up on her last day before closure. And we're expecting a second, on pupose!, who will get the same treatment. And to add to our terrible parenting, we don't both work to put food on the table, we'd be fine on either wage. We just... like to work. Funny how I get much more comment about that than my husband though. Don't think he's ever had a word said to him.

Mum of a two year old here and no garden. I’ve been on holiday this week which has been so much easier but still a challenge. WFH again from Monday and I’m dreading it.

I’m finding it difficult too, have gone from having my boy in nursery four days a week to having him and a small baby 9-5 Monday to Friday. It’s the atmosphere outside that makes it difficult too, having to explain why we can’t go in the playground, dodging people, not seeing his friends and cousins. Unless you’re currently going through this situation with small children I think you won’t really get how hard it is.

Please please don’t worry about being a ‘crap mum’ op - little ones are so very full on! No matter how much you love your little one, not having any break from them, at all, is a bloody difficult thing to do! All we can all do is do our best, and try and stay positive knowing that there will be an end to this.

If not the sanctimonious ones,OP. Clearly they’re the ones who actually feel completely at sea and need the reassurance of Mahdi game people feel like shit. It’s classic projection.

My 6 year old it still like this and it seriously grates.

It is a one off opportunity to be a family unit without all the outside slog of usual daily life.

If you still have to work, it's kind of more the whole outside slog of daily life, PLUS simultaneously having to care for and homeschool your children. The only thing we've got a break on is the commute. Which, it's nice to get that couple of hours a day back and everything, but it doesn't really make it a net easier situation.

The only thing we've got a break on is the commute.

Am I the only one who misses the commute? It was the only time off I got between 6 and 9 or so. A nice walk, sitting on the train with twitter, picking up a coffee along the way... Ah...

Mine are 4 (due to start reception in September) and 5 months. I am bloody knackered. DH is a keyworker. DS1 (aged 4) wants to be with me ALL the time, and I'm lucky if I can get him to play independently for 30 mins despite having plenty of toys. DS2 (5 months) wants boob, boob, glorious boob and firmly believes 0530 is a reasonable time to start the day. Naps are hit and miss.

I think I'd find work easier. DS1 is very sociable and misses his nursery friends. I miss silence!

YADNBU

It's a very difficult age OP, you are not a crap mum. Mine are a bit older now but I remember when they were that age and everything had to be a certain way and in a certain order or we had a full on tantrum. Ds2 was very particular and we could only play certain songs (on repeat) in the car. I shed many secret tears of frustration!

They are now 7 and 10 and alot easier (in some ways), but MY GOD the constant bickering and then it escalates to physical fighting. We don't have a garden either so being cooped up indoors is not healthy. I think everyone is struggling in their own way, with a mixture of good days and bad even if they paint a picture of being happy and loving every minute of this horrendous lockdown.

Am I the only one who misses the commute?

Nope. I did a cycle/tube combo and I miss the built in exercise and being able to park it with my Kindle. There are obviously advantages in other ways to getting the time back, but I'm looking forward to being able to go back in.

If you still have to work, it's kind of more the whole outside slog of daily life, PLUS simultaneously having to care for and homeschool your children Yes you're right, I've been let go I wasn't thinking of it like that. DP is still working outside the home.
I had to make a sensory spot for DS, I was thinking the Adult's need one, a private area just to find peace.

Cbeebies on repeat
This too will pass
Your child will grow (into new annoying phase )
You can still go out for a walk and search for red cars and snails
Get out yourself alone and dh too for a walk run or bike ride 3x per week take up c25k

I feel you OP. I have a 2.5 year old and living with my ex. We are both WFH but need to work the core hours so we have to kind of do 2 hours on, 2 hours off and work later to manage it.

I don’t have the motivation to work or be a parent right now.

You're not a crap mum. I used to keep my three year olds happy by taking them out and about. They were much calmer once they'd had exercise. Some children are just not into quiet activities.

Older teens here but I need time outside alone! Long jog once per week.
Joe wicks half hour with or without child do it for you

It doesn’t have to be fun all the time, you don’t have to schedule all the time.
Let him get bored and give him the chance to play by himself.

Whinging is a 3 year old thing (and a 4,5,6 and 7 year old thing too so far)

From what I remember from 40 odd years ago 3 year olds like to copy mumm and if I was doing chores so she wanted to........it doesn't last long but you could try enrolling your son to do small jobs that are safe and usually involve water.

I was frequently"told off" by my 3 year old for not letting her wash up......like her granny did.....she needed to water play and pretend it was her chores.
Worth a try.
Dusting hoovering are often popular and it is not a gender thing, I have had grandsons also wanting to "help".

@LajesticVantrashell taking your child to parks etc all fine in normal times but you can’t see the irony in saying I love my time with my child when someone else is responsible for them for 4.5 days out of the week ergo I only enjoy being a parent when I don’t have to do most of the parenting!!!

Three year olds are uniquely intense. I don't know what the answer is, but I sympathise.