Feel like a shit Mum for not loving this time with my child

[LajesticVantrashell]

On paper, I have no cause to complain. Me and DH both WFH, we split the day between us (I do 7-12 and he does 12-5). I only have one DC (3) and we have a garden.

BUT

Jesus it's killing me. He's normally in nursery 4.5 days a week and I cherish our Friday afternoons and the weekends, but without the distraction of the park, play dates, friends etc... we're just both getting bored.

He doesn't do crafts, we do play doh or Lego or colouring every morning, we go in the garden but I'm still struggling to entertain him. Every game ends up with an elaborate demand from him to "put your hand there no NOT LIKE THAT" and I have no idea what he wants me up do.

I just feel like a crap Mum because I can't fill his day up with fun. And don't worry, I don't need suggestions of activities, I just want to whiiiiiiiinge

3 year old and 1 year old here. It’s tough, no doubt about it.

I split the day into sessions of about 45 minutes. So I will actually sit and play with them with my full on attention for around 45 minutes. Then they play on their own, or get chucked in the garden, or have tv/tablet time for 45 minutes so I can get on with stuff. And repeat. Snacks/meals are at the table do we can go straight into colouring/play doh/sticker books afterwards so that kills another half hour. YouTube has so many great educational programmes I’ve stopped the mum guilt for when they watch those, Dave and Ava and knowsy Nina are good. Around 3pm I’ve run out of steam so CBeebies goes on.

I cannot wait until the play parks open again and to just go to a friends for a cuppa and let the children play!!

YANBU
I'm in a very similar situation - 3 year old, no siblings (yet - I'm pregnant so less physical energy than usual), and DH and I are splitting work/childcare in a similar way. We've both reduced our hours to make it slightly more manageable.
We have a garden and I bought a sandpit but DS hasn't been playing in the garden as much as I'd hoped.
He's used to nursery, playgroups, play dates and outings. It's damn hard work. And no I am not the earth mother type who enjoys baking and crafts with my kid. I felt guilty at first but I've forgiven myself now. I am who I am - being the best mum I can be.
The (mostly) kind replies on this thread have given me comfort and I hope you feel the same OP!

saying I love my time with my child when someone else is responsible for them for 4.5 days out of the week hmm ergo I only enjoy being a parent when I don’t have to do most of the parenting!!!

This is hardly the same as normal times though, I can't take the kids out anywhere, we can't plan a day out or go for a picnic etc... Like I'd usually do if we were off for any length of time. Kids are bored and missing their friends, parents are stressed about various different things including work and money etc...

Some of us just enjoy having some autonomy through our work, some adult interaction that isn't always focused on kids etc... It's a big change for everyone, not just children.

People struggling right now doesn't = hate being with their kids, usually just stick them in nursery, shouldn't have bothered having them at all. Circumstances right now are very different than they were a few months ago.

There's only so many indoor activities you can do and only so many 'IM BORED' complaints one person can take before they start getting fed up themselves.

I for one am daydreaming of the office and the day I can stick them back in school so they can 'do the parenting for me' if you want to see it like that

The exhaustion mentally is draining. I can't food shop easily and ds finds it upsetting to food shop due to masks and queues.
Staring work at 5. 30am but not finsihing till 7pm due to the constant interruptions. Then cobbling together meals which don't include his fav things as I auvnt been able to find them.
Bizarily I found the bh weekend okay as no work and could focus on mom. I'm already pulling my hair out and it's only Thursday!

Okay first of all don’t beat yourself up. This is hard and it’s uncharted territory for everyone. Do as best as you can. I have 3 kids (8,3 and a baby). Hubby is WFH full time so not here during the week really and I work a couple of evenings and a sat from home. My eldest has ASD and ADHD so needs a routine and ca be incredibly challenging behaviour wise. I think this is harder for only children families in a lot of ways.

My tips are if you have a garden and can afford it invest in some good garden toys. Things like sandpits, water boxes (can be a basin) that you fill with warm water, mud kitchens (even an old plastic toy kitchen would do) and ride on toys. These are all good for using energy, movement plus sensory type play and can be used by the child themselves (obviously supervise if water is being used).
Buy some chalk and let your child draw pictures on your garden path, garden fence or wall. My 3 year old spent ages this morning drawing pictures. Every time he got a bit bored I asked him to draw mummy a picture such as a tiger.

If you have a sandpit make different themes, put plastic dinasour in one day or any toys you have lying around, get them to build you sandcastles, pirate ships etc in the sand.

Make sock puppets and do a puppet show.

Do a little bit of numbers and letters work but remember that young children have limited attention span.

Get a bubble machine and pop it outside to let them use energy.

Kinetic sand is good too.

Kindles are handy if you want a little time to tidy etc but too long can over stimulate children.

On your daily walks pick a theme. Are you going on a rainbow walk (yo find rainbows), maybe a bear hunt (too look for bears), find a colour walk (as many things as you can see in thar colour).

If you get a chance read a story but if not epic book has a free trial on.

@andthenyou - no, you've absolutely hit the nail on the head. I enjoy being a parent when I don't have to parent him everyday. I'm brave enough to admit I'm not a natural maternal person, and that I'm struggling. Yes, I am one of those people who would rather outsource the managing of my child to other people, and yes that's really sad and a terrible indictment of modern living. I can imagine the natural parents baulking at this admission. I know this makes me a shit mum and no, I don't intend to have any more kids.

To everyone else who gets the intensity and relentlessness of these times, thank you.

you can’t see the irony in saying I love my time with my child when someone else is responsible for them for 4.5 days out of the week hmm ergo I only enjoy being a parent when I don’t have to do most of the parenting!!!

I'm curious as to whether you currently have young kids, or when you last did. I'm definitely not cut out for being a SAHP, but I'm sure if circumstances dictated I had to be I'd make a decent go of it I'm sure. That would definitely involve lots of music classes, toddler groups etc though as well as playdates and we'd be living in the playground.

Only one of my friends is a SAHP but she's actually the one finding this toughest. They usually do lots of different things and spend a lot of time with family nearby. Now there's nothing to go to and they all miss grandparents, cousins etc - all within a ten minute walk for them, so a feature of daily life.

It's hard parenting pre schoolers (and every other age I'm sure) without that framework most of us use, and then juggling work on top. I've never been so tired. Maybe cut OP and the rest of us a little slack.

Not enjoying being penned up 23 hours a day 7 days a week with a bored, understimulated, anxious 3yo while trying to do a FT job in seriously suboptimal conditions does not equate to not enjoying being a parent.

Not thriving mentally as a SAHP is also not the same as not enjoying being a parent.