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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP is an arsehole right?

98 replies

katieyhy · 14/04/2020 20:52

We moved house 3 weeks ago - we have no DC.

As I was getting a bin bag out tonight I noticed things under the sink were wet. I said to DP and he said he probably just spilled water when he was "cleaning". I carried on emptying things from under the sink and noted a foul smell - definitely a leak.

So I called my dad - DP and I are crap at all things DIY and he regularly asks to get my dad to offer help.

On FaceTime DP gets angry, he starts swearing "fucking hell you were meant to sort the kitchen" in front of my parents. So rude. My dad said not to argue about something like this and I began tearing up.
DP is still swearing and being angry so I've left him to fix it.

His argument is that the leak could have been there since we moved in and I should have noticed it as I did "fuck all" on moving day except for sort the kitchen.

I think I'm losing the will now. DP is a teacher and not doing anything for school - he hasn't been in for a month and isn't due in until his allocated day in 3 weeks. All he's done in the new house is sit on his phone and watch TV. He's regularly causing little spats because he doesn't put his phone down.

I've had enough - help!

OP posts:
ACertainSupermarket · 14/04/2020 22:34

DP is a teacher and not doing anything for school - he hasn't been in for a month and isn't due in until his allocated day in 3 weeks.

Not usually one for teacher-bashing but OMG.

MikeUniformMike · 14/04/2020 22:34

Not RTFT.

Your wedding is not next year, not if you have a milligram of common sense. Do not get pregnant. In fact, don't have sex with him. He's vile.

You are just 25. Get rid. You have your whole life ahead of you.

GuyFawkesDay · 14/04/2020 22:37

Run away.

He sounds like an arsehole.

And as a fellow teacher wtf? I've been run off my feet this last few weeks!

Atalune · 14/04/2020 22:38

Force the sale. Get out now.

LovingLola · 14/04/2020 22:40

Why do you do almost everything ?

MikeUniformMike · 14/04/2020 22:40

Forget the house value unless you can buy him out. If your parents can help you to do so, great actually green with envy but at least I'm not in lockdown with a cunt, but it's only bricks and mortar.

MintyMabel · 14/04/2020 22:40

He was also like "you see "Katie's dad" she was in charge of the fucking kitchen and did fuck all"

I wouldn’t let anyone treat me like that. Whether it was in front of anyone or not. Let alone someone who apparently loves me so much they want to spend the rest of their life with me. I’d be leaving the minute that happened.

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 14/04/2020 22:42

Hi OP, sending Flowers . Moving is very stressful and with everything else it must be more so now.
However that is no excuse for your DPs behaviour.. Only you know what he is really like. If this is a one off, maybe you are willing to let it go.
If this happens regularly then you need to reassess your relationship.
He will never change and you will find yourself always trying to keep the peace, and the more you do the worse he will become. You are still young and have a great future ahead of yourself. Take some time out to decide what you want. You don’t want to spend your life walking on eggshells .

FourDecades · 14/04/2020 22:45

Did your Dad stick up for you or agree with him?

My XH was like this and my Mum said they used to cringe at the way he spoke and treated me.... but they said nothing.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/04/2020 22:49

Funny (not funny) how he waited until you were 'tied' to him (by house purchase) before he showed you his 'true self'. My ex didn't turn abusive until he got a ring on my finger. Then he 'relaxed' and showed me who he really was.

Don't marry him, don't get pregnant. If you have co-mingled finances (ie joint accounts) separate them. Then consider your options.

SunshineCake · 14/04/2020 22:50

You can leave. If you stay he will escalate. If he was decent and this was just stress he would have apologised by now. Has he?

TomTomRunner · 14/04/2020 22:50

Life is too short for your efforts to go unrecognised and to be spoken to like that.

I'm betting he saw the damp, ignored it and he taking his negligence
and lack of DIY know how out on you.

Mammyloveswine · 14/04/2020 22:59

Sorry missing the point of the thread but how the fuck is he getting away with not doing any work at school??

I'm on my knees trying to balance both school work, homeschooling my two children (ages 2 and 4) and keeping the house! DH is a keyworker and still going out to work for 12 hours a day!

Your dp sounds like a twat, could he be depressed?

Don't put up with this shit.

looondonn · 14/04/2020 23:08

Dreadful
Dreadful

What a pric
How the hell is he a teacher???

Exit strategy please ?
Let us know when you get our

littleeasterbonnet · 14/04/2020 23:10

Depressed or not, that's no excuse.

By the way, last time we moved house, the washing machine wasn't plumbed in properly under the sink, and that caused a leak we didn't discover for a fortnight.

Justjoshin22 · 14/04/2020 23:11

OP, I’d be pissed off too, he’s been out of order and also put you down in front of your dad. That’s really low and I’m not surprised you’re upset.
Sometimes people are quick to jump in and tell posters to leave. That may well be the best thing for you to do, if you regularly feel humiliated and under appreciated. But no one here can look into your relationship based on a couple of posts and for all we know, your husband to be could be a really lovely guy who’s having a terrible few weeks and is taking it out on you. Still unacceptable, but as I say, we don’t know.
So - deep breath, get to bed, see how you feel in the morning. Take a long bath and really think very hard about whether this evening was a once off or is it a sign of more of the same to come? For me, the acid test is often, what would my mum say / think / advise?
Good luck.

Cherrysoup · 14/04/2020 23:14

I’d be sodding devastated if my dh did this. So nasty.

What do you want to do, OP? Have you two spoken since?

Interestedwoman · 14/04/2020 23:15

He is verbally abusive/aggressive. That he thinks it's ok to talk like that in front of your parents means he thinks worse is ok when it just the two of you- either that or he completely lost it which isn't any better.

Plus, he's talking shit in every way. It sounds like you did almost everything to do with the move (and probably you do most of what needs doing most of the time.) Your brother helped with the lugging so that's like a substitute anyway. He's just looking for an excuse to have a go at you or something. It's easy to miss a very slight leak, if it was leaking when you moved in at all.

IDK if it's that your OH is realizing how little he does and defensive about it or what. Confused

Don't put up with someone talking to or about you this way. It's not ok and you deserve better.

LexMitior · 14/04/2020 23:16

Don’t get married.

The one thing about how much contempt he holds you in is the comment about you to your dad. That tells you everything about how he regards you (and indeed your dad).

Ditch him. He is just being really candid and be grateful you can get out at 25.

Splitsunrise · 14/04/2020 23:17

I would put my life savings on you being in exactly the same (or worse) situation with your DP in 5 years time if you stay with him. This is who he is, this is how little he respects you, this is how little he cares about you. I’m sorry if that’s blunt, but it’s true. The relationship boards are daily proof of this.

StrangeLookingParasite · 14/04/2020 23:18

He was also like "you see "Katie's dad" she was in charge of the fucking kitchen and did fuck all"

This is just not acceptable. It's a flat out lie, for one, and it also shows he's willing to blame you for his own laziness.
Leave. They don't get better. He's a shithead.
My god, that list of things you did for the house...

Justtryingtobehelpful · 14/04/2020 23:19

Just wait till you're on maternity and get accused of spring on your arse all day doing fuck all!? Like breast feeding a newborn as well as running the house by yourself is easy.
Look how he's already got you doing everything for both of you. He might ramp out up when a baby arrives as he'll be jealous and want your attention back on him.
You know your relationship whether this is a complete shock or another example of his controlling behaviour.
Even your age difference would concern me. You've been with him since you were barely a teenager. Seems like he still thinks he can talk down to you as he's the Big Man who Knows Everything!!
Seriously consider if this is how you want to live your life. You sound great, he sounds like a twat!

recklessruby · 14/04/2020 23:32

Agree with pps about getting rid.
Total disrespect to you and your parents.
It sounds like you do absolutely everything anyway so what use is he?
I m a teacher and certainly haven't been sat playing on my phone through lockdown. I dont know anyone who has.
I m also stressed with lockdown but dont swear and snap at my family.
OP you are my daughter s age. You have a whole life ahead of you to meet a decent man and have a house and children. If you were my daughter I d want you out of that mess.

FancyPants20 · 14/04/2020 23:52

Speaking to you like that in front of your parents clearly shows he has no respect for either you or your parents. Get out now. This isn't going to get any better.

Boopeedoop · 14/04/2020 23:52

In 25 years my husband has never sworn at me, or berated me to my parents.

And my dad would have gone for him if he had anyway.

Think about your worth. You can always get a lodger when lock down is over.

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