to expect my mum to make an effort despite not speaking the language...

[peterpie]

We live abroad and Christmas is all planned. My mum is coming to us which makes more sense as she´s on her own and DH has a much bigger family here.

I explained that we will be spending 24th-26th at DH parents´ house and she said that was fine. I went ahead and booked the flights.

She has now told me she doesn´t want to come, feels awkward as she doesn´t speak Spanish (?) and so on. Says I should cancel the flights. Yes DH parents don´t speak English but DH does, as do his sisters. Obviously I do too! I said that I thought the main reason was to spend Christmas with her grandson, it´s his first too.

She´d rather we (me and DS) went to her for Christmas, sod DH´S family and DS other grandparents, aunties etc
Is it just me...??

I would be upset, too...so, yanbu!

Actually we have a similar situation, and my mum has spend many x-masses with us, and dispite her not speaking english, she generally loves spending time with my dh's family...they muddle through, lol!

However, is she maybe frightned to fly on her own? Could there be other reasons behind this, and this just being an excuse?

Well it can be rather overwhelming to spend a lot of time continuosly with people who speak another language. My dad used to love visiting us when he was younger but one of the main reasons he doesn't enjoy visits anymore is for this very reason. Even though me dh and kids all speak english.

I'm sure though that you will make time to be just you, your mum ds and dh. Reassure her that you will be spending time together without others around.

Hi 3

Its definitely not fear of flying - she´s done it many times before...

I really don´t know what it is... I know she likes being in her own place, she´s not very adaptable and has admitted that DH´s family "get on her nerves", she said that at our wedding but like I said to her surely she can make an effort for a couple of days..?

Thanks for your reply

Yes Polly I agree with you but every time she visits its mainly just me and her (DH works long hours)so surely a couple of days isn´t that much to ask...?

Perhaps she's miffed at you spending Xmas with someone else's family? Do you usually spend xmas with her? It's just that this sounds like a typical retort for that type of reason...

You´re spot on Brangelina...up until this year it´s always been me and her at Xmas

I think YANBU. Our situation is similar, I live in Germany with my DH and children and my parents both went to German lessons when they realised that I was staying here longer. (Came over to work as an aupair and met DH the first day!)

The first time they spent the evening with my PILs we were a bit worried as their language skills were still not great, and my PILs don't speak English. They got on like a house on fire, helped by a bottle of Franconian wine no doubt.

My mum has even done her Higher German. When we talked about moving to another European country, Dad immediately started another language course.

I am not saying that everyone whose family live abroad should learn the language, but it is not too much to ask for her to spend some time with you. Especially on your DS's first Xmas, when his other relations would enjoy seeing him.

Well if she gets to spend plenty of time just with you and ds I would have thought a couple of days over Christmas were ok. Do dh's family completely take over at these sort of do's and leave her reeling (it can be a bit like that here - Greece)

I also wondered if you go to the UK for Xmas at all. If she really doesn't like to come over i suppose you could alternate each year UK/Spain.