My husband divulging too much to his boss.

[Ritasueandbobtoo]

I have recently had some serious mental health issues and my husband has had to have a few days off to look after the children, maybe 3 or 4. AIBU to think that he should only have to tell his boss that he was having family issues? He has divulged every shitty detail, things that i am thoroughly ashamed of. We live in a very small village and my husband works on a private estate he told his bosses secretary aswell who has a mouth on her. I think he may have told the only other staff member there aswell. I feel so betrayed.

@Cherrysoup

@SandyY2K I find that really disappointing.

But as an employee whose wife is experiencing some issues, he hasn't done anything wrong in the workplace.

I have people share lots of things with me about their spouses, children etc....or they tell their manager and the manager asks me for advice.

Its absolutely confidential and I would never dream in a million years of phoning the employee's spouse.

I don't know what kind of company this is. What part of her job includes phoning the OP.

I'm outraged by the secretary tbh....but I'd be fuming if it was my DH who shared the info with her.

It sounds as though the secretary was well intentioned contacting you to make sure you were coping ok with the current situation

I can guarantee this is not in her job description. The OP is not an employee of the organisation and nobody in that company should be contacting her...it's a different matter to contact her husband who is their employee.

I can tell you that as an employee, if I did what this secretary did, I would potentially facing disciplinary action.

The secretary sounds very nosy. Has she ever helped in the past, or any help offered after she asked about SS and the police??

She has absolutely no business ringing you. You need to speak to your mentor.

Hi. Thankyou all. It really is helping reading everyone's replies.
Just to clarify, the Secretary lives near me so technically my neighbour.
But I wouldn't class her as a friend. She was calling to see if I needed anything from the shop. We have all been doing this within the village.
She asked if everything was alright since the police and SS had been involved.
So I told her i was very well and that everything was fine. I was a bit shocked really.

It is a country estate. He is classed as house staff, think downtown Abbey but on a much smaller scale. The house we live in is tied to the job so I understand why he told them about the police. But he told them the details which I am far too ashamed to say on here.
He works with just one person who he is friendly with. there are housekeepers and then the Secretary.
When i spoke to the Secretary later that day I asked what she knew and she told me what he had said. She was a bit taken aback that i didn't know.
I've spoke to my CPN and he has recommend I speak to her again and make sure she knows not to tell anybody. He did say that if she did gossip I could get my husband to put in a complaint. But that isn't the issue im just upset he lied.

Ah at least she was asking if you needed anything, that's good

You're in a tied house in a small village. Even if you consider it unlikely that anyone saw the police, your DH probably weighed up that it was better to tell the estate owners than to have even the slightest possibility that someone else would.

Massive dripfeed. You live in housing linked to the job. Presumably on site or very near by. You were psychotic and paranoid to the point police and social services were called. He had to tell them himself and seek help asap.

When you were at your lowest I expect he was also at his lowest. Has he got MH support himself? Especially important as you are still paranoid many months later.

It is lovely that there are people around him and you who care. In such a tight knit environment everyone was always going to know about such serious problems. Better to have heard it from him than dodgy gossip. Given it was last summer, I think it shows sensitivity that the secretary said nothing until she thought you might need help and support. Many people don't have such a nice network around them.

Hi there, you poor thing it sounds like you have been very ill. Alit of what you said resonated with me primarily the embarrassment and shame. I had a manic episode with all the associated disordered behaviour, ambulances, admissions to psychiatric hospital nearly sectioned too. I am 2 years post this episode and am now seeing an nhs psychologist who has diagnosed me with ptsd from being manic it was the most traumatic and embarrassing episode of my life. Like you I imagine I behaved completely out of character. A key thing we have been working on is shame and learning self compassion and accepting I was ill and there is no need to be ashamed. I too live in an extremely rural place in Scotland where everyone knew I'd been unwell I found that very difficult. Just wanted to say I empathise with how you feel and after such a hideous experience you might benefit from psychology too, pm me if you want to chat xc