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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re DD Bathing

80 replies

Ninjamomma · 14/04/2020 06:09

DH and I are usually pretty much on the same wave length with most things however we just can't seem to agree on this point and would value some input - I have explained that I would post on here too and then we could discuss responses

DD is 7 with pretty long hair (think just below the middle of her back) - when it comes to bath time, I always run her bath and wash her hair before leaving her to wash herself and get herself out etc...

DH had a chat with me the other week and said he felt DD should be washing her own hair now. I listened and tried to support DD with washing her hair - explained what she needed to do, sat with her whilst she did it, showed her how to do it but every time without fail her hair would dry and be full of dandruff and look greasy. DH also thinks she should be running her own bath now. I personally think she is still young and doing a lot for herself (she washes herself, dries herself, gets new pyjamas out, empties the bath, tidies her towels etc...) and I don't want her running her own bath because in my opinion she is too young and would worry about her burning herself and I don't think she is too old to still be having me support with washing her hair.

So I'm completely ready to be told I'm unreasonable and more than happy to hear what you currently go with your DDs re baths?

YABU - DD should be running her own baths and washing her hair herself

YANBU - DD shouldn't be running her own baths and I should support her with washing her hair

OP posts:
Runkatierun · 14/04/2020 06:12

Yanbu

At that age baths should be supervised, not necessarily from the same room all the time but you should be running it and finger hair is that long then yes help her. Would a shower be easier? If dh was adamant she should be washing her own hair?

Orchidflower1 · 14/04/2020 06:15

I’d go with a shower. I don’t think hair that long gab get properly washed in a bath anyway.
Why is your dh so against you helping?

TKAAHUARTG · 14/04/2020 06:15

There is no voting enabled. I think 7 is young, but I think it’s important to start considering the future. Your argument about burning herself is ridiculous, but I would concerned she was not washing her hair properly. (One of the reasons I hate long hair on little girls. Eeuurgh. But you did not ask that)

TKAAHUARTG · 14/04/2020 06:15

Ah, now there is

Time4change2018 · 14/04/2020 06:17

Too young to run a bath herself same for hair but allowing her to help while you do it and encouraging her to test water with you and rinse her own hair with you is a good start.
Children absolutely need to learn continually but they also need support and nurturing. 7 is stil really quite young, I'm sure as she gets older she'll naturally pick up these skills.

Oysterbabe · 14/04/2020 06:17

What does she want to do?

literategiraffe · 14/04/2020 06:17

YANBU - if running the bath and washing her hair isn't a problem for you why is your DH suggesting she should be doing it herself? Has your DD asked him to speak to you maybe? Or is she happy for you to help her? I remember washing my hair myself but my mum would sit and dry it for me after and it was quite a nice time to chat and whatnot.
Perhaps she could be helping run her bath just now, learning how much hot and cold water to run, how to check the temp safely etc. ?

Jellycatismyspiritanimal · 14/04/2020 06:19

YANBU she is too young, just keep showing her until she either asks to do it herself or hits the teen years. I was left to my own devices a few years older and my hair was greasy and unkempt looking and I was teased a lot for it. Yes she needs to learn but that's through being shown over and over. 7 is so young, great to teach her to be independent in these things but the teaching needs to go on for a few years yet in my opinion. Don't forget when she start puberty that hair is going to get even greasier. On the other hand it's much easier to clean hair in the shower, can she have that instead? Still think 7 is too young though!

AmelieTaylor · 14/04/2020 06:20

She's only 7. What's his problem?

Lllot5 · 14/04/2020 06:23

Sounds he doesn’t want to do it. Not that he thinks she should be doing it. If she needs help, then help her.

Smellbellina · 14/04/2020 06:31

I still supervise my DD7 in the bath. And the older 2 I stay upstairs and do jobs whilst chatting with them. I wouldn’t be leaving her to bath herself, she’s 7!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 14/04/2020 06:34

My DD is 6 and is very much too young to be sorting her own bath. I can’t imagine her being ready by 7yo either.

Hmm at the scoffing comments about burning herself. When running our hot and cold tap together, there is about a 0.5° difference between scolding hot and freezing. My DD could easily accidentally nudge the cold whilst in the bath and the water be burning hot or not check the temperature before putting the shower bit over her head.

OP, YANBU!

feesh · 14/04/2020 06:36

My 7 year old washes her own hair and has for about a year. We go swimming multiple times a week so she’s had a lot of practice. She has very long hair and can do a reasonable job with it - I sometimes help her with the conditioner though and I always check she’s rinsed properly.

She showers at home rather than take baths, which makes it a bit easier I think.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2020 06:38

No way would I be leaving a 7 yo to run their own bath. Your dd could get the temperature very wrong with nasty consequences if too hot or forget about it, go off and play with her toys etc.

My dd is 11, almost 12. She has just decided to have baths again and has been asking questions about how to get the right temperature. She also started washing her own hair when she was in yr5. Her friends mum still washes it for her and she is 12...

Around 10 is probably the sort of age to get it right for long hair. That’s washing and conditioning properly. Your dh is way off the mark.

Original poster
Ninjamomma · 14/04/2020 06:41

I would absolutely go for a shower but unfortunatley we have one of those rubbish showers that runs from the taps and it has zero pressure so doesn't get used (house is rented)

I don't think its that he's against it, I think often maybe he doesn't necessarily see that 7 is young (he was made to do a lot of things independently from a young age) and thinks she should be doing these things independently as it's personal hygiene

I have been encouraging her even with me doing it as I know it's important to set her up for the future and she wants to have a go but also wants my support which I'm more than happy to continue giving

I will start asking her to help with running the bath and checking temp etc too following this. She hadn't asked DH to speak to me and is happy with me supporting her

In terms of him not wanting to do it - I've always done Bath time, I enjoy it and see it as quality time together so hes not gaining anything from wanting her to do it herself

OP posts:
Original poster
Ninjamomma · 14/04/2020 06:44

Thank you so much for the feedback, when DH is awake in a little while, I will sit down and discuss some of the feedback, I did say at the time that I would post here incase I was way off the mark and he agreed because as he said there is no written rules so you can only really go but other people's experiences

OP posts:
ploughingthrough · 14/04/2020 06:44

My DD is 7 and she washes herself but I still help with her hair. It is around shoulder length but very thick and she never gets all the shampoo out, nor does she run conditioner through properly. We don't really have baths, but if we did I certainly wouldn't let her run it without checking the temperature before she got in. So YANBU.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 14/04/2020 06:46

We also have a rubbish tap shower so the children bath. I run it (even for the teen as its tricky to get the temperature right and once the tank is empty it takes hours to refill). They wash their own hair and have done since about 5, their choice not mine. 7 is still quite little, I don't see the issue!

ginnybag · 14/04/2020 06:47

My DD is 10, and has just about mastered washing her own long hair in the last couple of months.

By that, I mean she can get in the shower and 4 out of 5 times come out with hair thats mostly had shampoo in the right places which has been mostly removed.Grin

At 7? Not a chance.

Nquartz · 14/04/2020 06:51

DD started washing her own hair at 7 because she went on an overnight residential & was meant to wash her hair (but didn't), it's only now she's nearly 8 that she's mastered it. But we use a shower which makes it much easier.

In your situation I'd keep washing it for her otherwise it won't be clean.

Goatinthegarden · 14/04/2020 06:51

Hmm, I go on a week long residential camp Every year with just-turned 8 year olds and it really baffles me that some come away to camp without the skills to wash and look after their own hair. One child was horrified when I explained that I would not be getting in the shower with her to do her hair. It then took an adult ages to brush through and put up every day. Several other children often try to avoid washing it altogether. I guess if the parent is happy to put in that effort, then fair enough. I realise why my parents always had my hair cut in a bob at that age though.

CountFosco · 14/04/2020 07:00

My DS is 7 and has short hair and is nowhere near washing his hair by himself. His older sisters were at least a couple of years older before they reliably washed their hair by themselves and they both had bobs (not allowed to grow their hair until they could look after it themselves). I think your DH is unrealistic in his expectations.

missnevermind · 14/04/2020 07:07

My 8 yo has waist length hair. We do the same. Run a bath and help with her hair then leave her too do the rest.
Same as above. She goes on school residential but has not done a full week yet, usually 3 days. She can brush and put up her hair herself which is the skill I have concentrated on this time. She will need support washing it for a while but we are happy to do it. As long as s h e can do it before secondary school it's not going to be a problem

BoomBoomsCousin · 14/04/2020 07:12

I don't think 7 is too young to start to learn to run a bath safely, but the hair thing I think is physically difficult at that age. One of my daughters has long hair and she's been washing it herself since she was 9 in the shower (which is easier) it took her quite a while to get the hang of it properly and even now after over 12 months she still occasionally fails to rinse it thoroughly at the back.

The other issue is that running the bath and washing her hair can be really nice bonding time. Not everything has to be done all on their own as soon as they are old enough to manage.

Iggly · 14/04/2020 07:17

At 7, I was washing my dcs hair and only now my eldest is 10, do I let him do it himself after a lot of coaching.
My dd is 8, has very long thick hair and I still wash it. I struggled with my hair at that age as it was thick and curly and I didn’t have anyone to help. It was pretty crap actually.