Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Re DD Bathing

80 replies

Ninjamomma · 14/04/2020 06:09

DH and I are usually pretty much on the same wave length with most things however we just can't seem to agree on this point and would value some input - I have explained that I would post on here too and then we could discuss responses

DD is 7 with pretty long hair (think just below the middle of her back) - when it comes to bath time, I always run her bath and wash her hair before leaving her to wash herself and get herself out etc...

DH had a chat with me the other week and said he felt DD should be washing her own hair now. I listened and tried to support DD with washing her hair - explained what she needed to do, sat with her whilst she did it, showed her how to do it but every time without fail her hair would dry and be full of dandruff and look greasy. DH also thinks she should be running her own bath now. I personally think she is still young and doing a lot for herself (she washes herself, dries herself, gets new pyjamas out, empties the bath, tidies her towels etc...) and I don't want her running her own bath because in my opinion she is too young and would worry about her burning herself and I don't think she is too old to still be having me support with washing her hair.

So I'm completely ready to be told I'm unreasonable and more than happy to hear what you currently go with your DDs re baths?

YABU - DD should be running her own baths and washing her hair herself

YANBU - DD shouldn't be running her own baths and I should support her with washing her hair

OP posts:

Divebar · 14/04/2020 07:19

My DD7 has long hair and if left unsupervised would probably not rinse properly at the back of the neck. This can leave the head itchy. It also needs to have conditioner otherwise it’s a bloody pain to brush through afterwards ( even with the additional use of spray in conditioner). I imagine a bloke who has always had short hair would probably not appreciate the issues around some of this stuff but it’s not rocket science.

Mumalu · 14/04/2020 07:21

I have a 9 yo daughter with hair past her but I sometimes help her wash her hair I always blow dry it (often blow dry my 12 up girls hair too) I think it's nice they still want my help my 7 to boy has not once washed he's own hair so I must be doing it wrong too I haven't even asked him too!

Original poster

Ninjamomma · 14/04/2020 07:23

I think the general consensus seems to be that she is too young - especially with only being able to bath although it doesn't hurt to try to get her to help.

I think it seems well worth trying to sort the shower, I think I've just been reluctant to do so with it being rented

OP posts:

cheeseychovolate · 14/04/2020 07:23

I think 7 is too young to run the bath for safety reasons. It sounds to me like she's doing a lot of bath time independently which is good. As she has long hair she will need help washing it which I don't see a problem with

towers14 · 14/04/2020 07:25

Why would anyone not want to help their child in the bath? It's quality time with DC, mine went into minute detail chatting about their day whilst bathing. Managing long hair can be tricky especially the knotty kind, I still help DD17 style her hair. I'm trying to wean her off her personal stylist before uni in sept though.

fartyface · 14/04/2020 07:25

My 7 washes her own hair. But my 6 and 4 yo shower themselves start to finish. They love the independence.

Re they might not get it all out, surely that is part of the learning curve? Keep trying until it is better the next time.

GaraMedouar · 14/04/2020 07:25

She’s 7! (i.e. still very young). It’s fine to run her bath and help wash her hair, if she’s happy with that.

mynamesmrdiggety · 14/04/2020 07:27

Why does he care? It's very nit picky.

carriebreadshaw · 14/04/2020 07:29

She'll tell you when she's ready. I think around age 8 my dd wanted to start trying to do it herself so I'd let her then go in at the end to check and rinse.

Does he ever do it himself? If not, what makes him think he is more equipped than you to decide she can do it herself?

Most of child rearing isn't a case of turning help off like a switch. It's a gradual process of noticing cues to slowly hand over tasks to the child

He's being an arse

SeriouslySoDoneIn · 14/04/2020 07:29

I still wash 10 year old DDs hair. It’s quite fine and only shoulder length. She can’t do it herself and neither me or her wants her running around with greasy lank looking hair

Cremebrule · 14/04/2020 07:33

She’s still young. It sounds like you are giving her growing independence so it’s not like your babying her. Hair that length is likely to be tricky- there are times I don’t get all the shampoo out if I’m in a rush and then have to go back and re-rinse. You could always let her run a bath under supervision to see if she could do it safely but it seems like a nice thing to do so I don’t see a reason to stop.

SolemnlySwear2010 · 14/04/2020 07:34

My 5 (almost 6) DD is capable if running her own bath, checking the temperature etc but she know to put cold water in first so not to burn herself. I would happily do it for her but she is an independent little thing.

She also likes to wash her own hair (does swimming so lots of practice) but I still help out a few times per week to ensure it is dine correctly.

Smile19 · 14/04/2020 07:34

I came on to say our 7YO showers himself and has longish hair, but I see that's not an option. In that case I would wash her hair as you have been but keep encouraging her to do it.

Passthecake30 · 14/04/2020 07:36

My dd is 10 with thick hair just above her bottom, she needs help lathering it up, however, she does stand under the shower and rinse it, with me checking afterwards. She’s not shy about her body atm, but if she is still unable to wash it independently ashen she wants more privacy then she knows we can wash it over the bath (I keep checking/asking). I’m hoping that once she goes to secondary she will want a foot cut off it... and be able to do it herself!

daisypond · 14/04/2020 07:37

It’s OK at seven for you to wash her hair but she needs to start learning. It would be ridiculous to be washing a ten-year-old’s hair usually.

Gigglebert · 14/04/2020 07:38

My six year old daughter has similar hair, I would never attempt to wash it in the bath as it's a nightmare to get the shampoo out at that length. She prefers showering now anyway, I turn the shower on for her as she can't reach the switch. She showers by herself while I potter in the next room but I always check her hair is properly clean afterwards and 90% of the time she has done an excellent job... I can't help her wash her hair after swimming lessons so we made an effort to teach her how to do it herself over the last six months to save having to come home after swimming and shower again!

FairlowWonder · 14/04/2020 07:38

It sounds like he’s pushing a lot of independence on her. Don’t let her miss out on the nurturing children of her age need too.

ElloElloVera · 14/04/2020 07:51

DD only really started sorting her own showers and baths by about 10. She struggled with her hair until then and still shouted down for help rinsing it sometimes up to about 12 if she was struggling with a conditioner.

7 is way to young to expect her to be fully independent.

Try encouraging her to do what she feels capable of and help her where she needs it. She’s only little and needs time to learn and grow without your DH putting ‘should of by now’ arbitrary deadlines on her.

Each child is different and some become dependant earlier than others. But in time - and with supportive helpful parents - she’ll get there. At 7 she still needs you in so many ways.

Ginfordinner · 14/04/2020 07:56

DD couldn't wash her own hair at 7. I was more concerned that she wouldn't be able to rinse it ut properly. Plus she would have struggled to get all the tangles out.

Does your DD's hair have to be washed every time she has a bath? At that age I washed DD's hair once a week.

nannybeach · 14/04/2020 07:56

DGKs 9 and 10, one with waist length hair, shelikes to wash it herself now, I still supervise as does their DM, DGS, he went to jump in the bath WITHOUT testing the water, I have explained everytime and same with the shower, its temp controlale, but not set for delicate young skin. I also nursed a boy who drowned in 2 inches of water, sometimes she has a bath and lays right down, cannot believe someone posted they hate long hair on young girls, eh!! 7 might let them have a go while supervised, certainly not alone

HeadSpin5 · 14/04/2020 07:58

My DD7 (8 in 6 weeks) has similar hair, mid-back length and curly. She has just mastered washing her own hair during this lockdown funnily enough, but only in the shower, bath would’ve been tricky I think. Before that I ran her bath but trusted her to turn it off etc

skankingpiglet · 14/04/2020 07:59

I would be letting her have a go at that age with you helping. My DD1 is nearly 6 with very curly hair, which comes down to her bum when wet and brushed through. She will have a go at each stage, but we will also do it before/after too so it's done properly. He hair type means it is rarely shampooed, but requires a lot of detangling with conditioner in the bath, followed by combing through coconut oil and more conditioner once out of the bath. Any massaging/rinsing/oiling she does is in addition to the proper job you've already done IYKWIM. We do the same with teeth brushing, so DCs brush until they think they are done, then we brush as if they haven't! It's something that is learnt through repetition so best to get them trying ASAP IMO.

There is no way I would be letting her run a bath though. In a couple of years I would give it a try by showing how far to fill up with hot, then the level to top up with cold, then checking using a baby bath thermometer (and you double checking it). I also would not feel happy leaving a 7yo alone to 'get on with it'. I agree with PPs about leaving the door open and pottering about upstairs whilst chatting to them.

OscarWildesCat · 14/04/2020 08:02

Same situation here but my DD is 10, if she washes her own hair, she never does it properly as it's so long and thick, she ends up not rinsing it fully so I'm still doing hers. I don't understand what harm your DH thinks its doing?

CodenameVillanelle · 14/04/2020 08:03

I don't understand why your DH would be pushing her to do this at age 7 when she's clearly not ready. Washing long hair properly is difficult especially in the bath and I can't imagine a 7 year old would have the coordination, confidence and strength to get the shampoo all through the hair, lie back and get it all out properly, let alone condition properly too!

Lindy2 · 14/04/2020 08:03

I have 1 DD who is 11. She's been doing her own baths/hair washing for a couple of years now. She wants to do it herself. I will still occasionally run her bath for her - as a nice thing to do. She has shoulder length hair.

My other DD is 9 and she has very long, curly hair. I still run her bath and wash her hair for her. Generally it's a detangling session where I brush through it with conditioner in to get all the little tangles properly out. She wouldn't be able to do this well enough on her own. I also regard it as a little bit of nice time together where we chat without being interrupted for a while. Once her hair is done she has a bit of time on her own playing in the water.

At the swimming pool both DDs shower themselves and rinse their hair with shampoo.

Your DD already sounds like she does a lot of independent things. She certainly seems to leave your bathroom tidier than my 2 do. What's the rush to get her to do her bath alone? It's not like it takes a long time.

Flip

1 2 3 4