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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re DD Bathing

80 replies

Ninjamomma · 14/04/2020 06:09

DH and I are usually pretty much on the same wave length with most things however we just can't seem to agree on this point and would value some input - I have explained that I would post on here too and then we could discuss responses

DD is 7 with pretty long hair (think just below the middle of her back) - when it comes to bath time, I always run her bath and wash her hair before leaving her to wash herself and get herself out etc...

DH had a chat with me the other week and said he felt DD should be washing her own hair now. I listened and tried to support DD with washing her hair - explained what she needed to do, sat with her whilst she did it, showed her how to do it but every time without fail her hair would dry and be full of dandruff and look greasy. DH also thinks she should be running her own bath now. I personally think she is still young and doing a lot for herself (she washes herself, dries herself, gets new pyjamas out, empties the bath, tidies her towels etc...) and I don't want her running her own bath because in my opinion she is too young and would worry about her burning herself and I don't think she is too old to still be having me support with washing her hair.

So I'm completely ready to be told I'm unreasonable and more than happy to hear what you currently go with your DDs re baths?

YABU - DD should be running her own baths and washing her hair herself

YANBU - DD shouldn't be running her own baths and I should support her with washing her hair

OP posts:
munchsvu · 14/04/2020 08:03

My sons (7&8) wash their hair and bodies in the bath or shower but they have short hair lol. I'd carry on doing what your doing until your DD has mastered washing her own hair, nothing to do with your DH if your daughter wants you to keep doing it.

FreakStar · 14/04/2020 08:33

Washing long hair yourself in a bath is really tricky- I don't think my dd could manage that until she was around 11.

Actually, I don't think washing long hair in the bath is practical for anyone at any age. When I had long hair I used to wash it standing up over the bath with the shower attachment. My dd who is 14 always has a shower if she wants to wash her hair.

Psychologika · 14/04/2020 08:34

I'm assuming DH doesn't have very long hair? Clearly he doesn't understand that its physically quite a hard task. Did you know that until they are over 7, children's arm length to head size ratio wouldn't even let her reach all of her head?

I'd be questioning why he is in such a rush for her to do this.

Iwantedthat · 14/04/2020 08:37

I still wash my 8 year olds hair, then leave her to have a scrub as I say it. and you know what, if my 12 years old (sometimes smelly boy) shouts me I will wash his, he gets dandruff so I check it sometimes, while he holds a flannel over bits I don't need to see Smile. As pp said it is bonding too, my daughter talks about all sorts in the bath

Toodeloo · 14/04/2020 08:38

My, just turned, 6 yro runs the bath and does everything else by herself. She’s quite independent though.

Iwantedthat · 14/04/2020 08:39

Also I usually run bath for my kids, 8 year old gets worried about the temperature and 12 year old would use whole bottle of anything in there at a time

Whichoneofyoudidthat · 14/04/2020 08:40

I washed and did my daughters’ hair until they started doing it themselves. So I guess from 8 or 9 or so as far as washing it. Around 11 or 12 or so (brushing it, putting it up for school). It’s one of the last things you do for your kids. Once they take over that part of self care that’s it, you’re done. They’re already washing themselves, brushing their teeth, getting dressed and undressed etc. putting themselves to bed.

I enjoyed it while it lasted.

Trooperslaneagain · 14/04/2020 08:43

@TKAAHUARTG seriously - not concerned a 7 year old could burn herself?!

DD is 6.5 and there's no way she could master doing bath time solo, never mind her washing her very curly, knotty hair. And she's a smart wee cookie too, flying at school etc, very physical and NT - but just way too young.

Incrediblytired · 14/04/2020 08:44

I think my mum stayed in the bathroom with me until I was about 10! I was rubbish at rinsing the shampoo out and it was quite a nice time for us to chat etc

carriebreadshaw · 14/04/2020 08:44

Juat to add my 14 year old asked me to wash and dry her hair a couple of weeks back having not done in at least 4 years - it was lovely Smile

CanICelebrate · 14/04/2020 08:54

7 is still very young - now my other dc are teenagers my ds who is 7 seems so little! If she wants to be more independent and suggests doing it that’s different but I don’t understand why some parents are in such a rush to make their little ones grown up and independent.

champagneandfromage50 · 14/04/2020 09:08

Why as your DH decided your DC needs to run her own bath? It sounds like he made a big deal of sitting you down to discuss it. Does he actually involve himself in the bathing of his own child or does he just get involved to tell you when something needs changing? 7 is young, tey dont stay young for long

ScrewBalls99 · 14/04/2020 09:16

DD aged 11, useless at doing long hair, I help😁

Savingshoes · 14/04/2020 09:23

7 would be quite easy to wash hair if you have short back and sides and are just going to dunk your hair in the bath or stand over a shower, might be why your DH remembers being able to do this at her age.
She could easily do most but not all of the washing part with a bit of direction but left to her own devices is dangerous.

MaybeKatie · 14/04/2020 09:31

I still wash my nearly eight year old's hair and he has short hair! Like you, we don't really have a usable shower so it's in the bath and I do think that makes it harder (I fucking hate not having a shower for myself but it is hopefully being sorted...). He's also autistic, which might come into it, but he's pretty independent in other areas.

Thinking back, I seem to remember being maybe eight or nine when I started showering by myself instead of having a bath with my brother and then my mum washing my hair. Again, the fact we had a shower made it much easier.

Gtugccbjb · 14/04/2020 09:34

I’m amazed this is an issue! Your husband needs a hobby, worrying about that seems weird and very dominant!?

Just crack on with life as you enjoy it. Tell anyone else to mind there own business. If he wants to make her wash her own hair when he baths her, so he can. But tell him to stop interfering in your day to day routine.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2020 09:44

Can you buy a shower head specifically designed for low pressure?

lottiegarbanzo · 14/04/2020 09:46

I can't answer your question as posed, because it isn't a 'should / should not' answer. It's a 'could / could not, depending on...' one.

I do think she'd need to be a very mature 7 year-old to manage bath-running and hair-washing and rinsing. Especially in a bath.

Teaching indepence is great but it's gradual, not a 'throw them in and leave them to swim' approach, as your DH seems to be advocating. (And what when she 'sinks'? Does he want her going around with matted hair for a week, or risking burns?).

Is your DH getting twitchy about her impending maturity and starting to feel uncomfortable about watching her bathe? Or thinking ahead to when he would? Does he ever supervise bath-time? Is he starting to think that she needs to learn to bathe and dress privately, so that she can manage and enforce her own privacy in future?

It's all gradual, IMO.

lottiegarbanzo · 14/04/2020 09:49

And yes, bath time with dd is one of our best times for free-ranging conversation.

Umnoway · 14/04/2020 09:52

My older three are 7, 8 and 10 and have been running their own baths and washing themselves for 2-3 years. Never really thought that was odd or different to other people, they’re capable and prefer it to me babying them.

Original poster
Ninjamomma · 14/04/2020 09:53

We have just sat and read through all the comments - he has said that he obviously didn't realise how different it is for little girls compared to boys and he appreciates he is in the wrong.

Just to clarify hes Great in a lot of other ways (and no he's not reading this bit) we split things pretty 50/50. We also have a 8 week old, he does the night feeds every other night, shares the care in the day (we work from home), takes our daughter to school as much as i do/cooks a much as I do. I think its literally a slightly skewed view of the age you should be independant due to his upbringing and probably his time in the army.

In response to the poster above regarding washing Hair once a week, unfortunatley if we leave it longer than 2 days it does start to look greasy - I wonder if that's the Products we use

OP posts:
Original poster
Ninjamomma · 14/04/2020 09:59

DH will do the bath if I ask him but he knows it mine and DDs time usually and something I enjoy. As far as I'm aware he doesn't have an issue with her impending maturity but will broach that subject too

OP posts:
inwood · 14/04/2020 10:01

Presumably he hasn't tried to wash long hair in the bath himself.

DTs are 8 and they shower now but I still need to check the back of their hair to make sure they get all the conditioner out. They are also incapable of using what seems to behalf a bottle each time they wash it.

Grumpos · 14/04/2020 10:08

7 is pretty young still - what’s wrong with helping her run it, sort her hair then leave her to enjoy a soak - exactly as you are doing now?
So what if she can actually do it herself? It’s a lovely bit of quality time for you both which you both still enjoy. When she’s ready to do it herself I imagine she’d tell you?
If DH has never been involved in the routine then not sure where his opinion is coming from.

CanICelebrate · 14/04/2020 10:09

@Umnoway I don’t like the phrase ‘babying’, especially when it’s implication is to criticise other parents. My youngest son would be capable at 7 but likes me staying in while he baths and he plays. I sometimes sing with him or read to him. It’s not babying it’s just enjoying time with him while he’s still young and my perspective it very different with huge teenagers who do everything for themselves. Just because he can doesn’t mean he should.