Wedding- one child and not the other

[Susanna85]

AIBU to this it's odd that one of my children is invited and one isn't.

My oldest friend, godmother to my DC (6) and bridesmaid at my own wedding has invited my older child to her wedding but not the younger (1).

I feel weird about joining as a family of three and leaving one behind. If we can even find suitable childcare.

I can’t see the problem. A one year old couldn’t care less, a six year old may enjoy the day, and know how to behave. You’re not ‘ splitting the family ‘ . Can’t see the drama here.

But it depends on how close you are. If guests cannot ask questions or come up reasonable adjustments to attend. Then how close are they?

I don’t know about others but if I really wanted to go somewhere I would look at all possible solutions to get there. And only then decline. It is not really up to the host to find solutions or feel guilt tripped.

Given that it tor oldest friend, who don't you actually pick up the phone and call her and ask? Random strangers have no idea although we can all guess - often wrongly - seriously explain your confusion, listen and accept her reasoning ... or not. I'm heading she has no idea you have decided to ask a bunch of Internet randoms. Rather than post any more, call her and then let us know. Let's start a new trend on MN where people grasp the issue and try to resolve it themselves. The feedback will be useful and help us all.

Of course it’s not weird, a one year old is really, really not going to attending a wedding, and surely you can enjoy it more if you are not looking after your young toddler all day? . You are just looking for a reason to be annoyed.

Whenever I say this I’m asked if I ‘even have children’ and when I say I don’t I’m told I don’t understand but I’ll say it anyway I don’t understand childfree weddings and I don’t understand partially childfree weddings either now (this is the first time I’ve heard of one!). I would only invite the people I truly loved to my wedding and I would want their children there as well. However it’s the couples day and so their choice so I think in your position I would politely decline the invitation.

@YgritteSnow lots of people have child free weddings, the first of my friends got married in 2005 and that was child free. When we announced we were engaged, a good friend of my fiancé’s, said she couldn’t wait for a child free day out at our wedding (we hadn’t at that point decided if it was child free and still haven’t!). My ex SIL always relished a child free wedding, as she could properly relax and enjoy the day

Yabu. you not paying..why wouldnt they prefer a 6 year old to a toddler. Ive a three year old honestly the age 1-2-3 is the worst re weddings. Huge no nos

Thanks.

I have spoken to her. This is how I know about the situation. The formal invites have not been sent.

Her reason is that they are only having a few children (that I know of, these are cousins' DC and one who is coming from abroad) and don't want lots of kids.

I fully understand not wanting a lot of kids. But unusual that one child in the family is invited and not the other, first time i've been invited to something with 1 of 2. Seems odd, but there we are.

Maybe she's assuming you don't want to bring the baby? Maybe it's not a baby friendly venue? Can you talk to her?

I have a 2 year old boy and a 10 year old boy. The 2 year old would be an absolute nightmare to have at a wedding all day and the 10 year old a pleasure. Our little one can't eat his meal in his high chair for more than 2 minutes without climbing out (no matter how much we try and strap him in!)

In normal times (when grandparent care is allowed) if the wedding was local I would love to attend with only the older one, leaving the little one with the grandparents. I wouldn't stay late so as not to expect too much from grandparents who are getting a little older and a 2 year old is very tiring.

If the wedding required long distance travel or an overnight stay I would decline as we would be unable to ask grandparents to have our little one for that long (and I wouldn't dream of asking them to come with us just to be used as babysitters).

I have never heard of one child and not the other. It’s one day after all. No offence but small children can be loud and hard work. The last wedding l went to then the vows were partially obscured by a toddler roaring . I would have been annoyed had it been my wedding, maybe we will go for no children at our wedding

The only reason even one of yours is invited is because she's the bride's godchild.

So actually, as they want a relatively child-free wedding, it shows you are special to her.

I do think it's odd either both kids should be invited or neither.

Surely she has invited because she is this child's godmother .

I think it's unusual but it's not rude. It's keeping children at a minimum but also having her godchild there. Sensible imo.

I think it’s odd.

I think it's odd to invite one child and not the other. Personally I'd duck out of it saying I hadn't been able to find childcare.

I had a one year old of a friend who , wasn't invited to the church but turned up anyway ruin my video by shouting throughout the service. All the more galling because my 1 year old slept through it. Babies do make things difficult

I came on to say that she was being unreasonable but when I see the uninvited child is 1, I don't think she is. If they were 8 and 6 and knew they were being left out, that would be wrong but I wouldn't have a problem with the way she's done it.

Saying that, I have brought a 1 year old to a family wedding because we literally had nobody else to mind him and it was the least enjoyable wedding I have ever been to so even if the 1 year old was invited, I wouldn't be bringing her.

Her explanation is reasonable. Your 1yo won’t notice!

Isnt this a thing now? I know someone I used to work with had strictly no children at her wedding which I know meant a good few declines, but it meant she had a day without any potential upsets from the bride (...and groom!).

Personally I dont get it, but each to their own!

We have a family wedding a few days before Christmas, it will require an overnight stay, my children are not invited, they are 9 and 10, we will decline as all of the family are going to the wedding and our friends have their own nights out in planning for this time. It annoying as ordinarily I’d have loved to go to the wedding, we are a small family and I feel it’s important to support each other.

Some people are more fixated on having an Instagram perfect wedding than maintaining genuine friendships.

In your shoes, I’d politely decline the invite and re-think the friendship.

It seems odd to me but if she is close enough to be your child's godmother just ask her.

We said only family children or godchildren and their siblings at our marriage last. year. We love kids but our friends have so many that we'd have had hardly any adults there or would have had to hire an enormous venue we didn't want and couldn't afford.

I think you have to respect her decision ... but I do also think that if you have a policy re kids you should explain it - we didn't do save the dates but we explained in emails/when we saw our friends with children what we were doing re kids and why. No one objected and all said they were happier going without their children anyway .... Also much as I loved having her there, my 18-month-old niece did scream and cry during our vows and had to be taken out!

I'd just ask her - she owes you an explanation and you owe it to her to respect her choice for her big (and v expensive) day x

Would you be happy to miss your friend's wedding over this? As a parent it's hard to think of one of our children being excluded, but she has given you her reasons. As much as I love my children, I do prefer child free weddings!