Am I been selfish the way I'm dealing with lockdown

[user457635]

At the beginning of March I had surgery and just before lockdown I found out I would need further surgery followed by some treatment. Im off work at the moment signed off sick.
I live alone and have no children. Im trying to deal with lockdown/my illness by spending time trying to relax by going for a daily walk, baking, spending time in the garden, reading etc.
My sister has 2 sons, 6 and 8 we FaceTime every Saturday. She is currently working from home and her DH is a key worker. Since the lockdown she has been expecting me to FaceTime the boys for 1-2 hours daily to spend time doing school work with them and just occupying them. I explained to her I was finding it a bit tiring doing it everyday to which she went off on one telling me I don't understand how hard it is for her trying to juggle everything and all I do is laze around all day.
My head is all over the place at the moment (like most people with the lockdown) I'm struggling with my diagnosis just before the lockdown and also the thought of when this is all over and everyone can get back to normal life, I will be recovering again from surgery. I'm also feeling guilty about letting my colleagues down by being off sick knowing that this will be a stressful busy time for them.
AIBU?

Do you have any other family members who are expected to help?

What about her husband's family?

Or is it just you Op because you're obviously sitting on your arse & looking for things to do?

Entitled woman - find an excuse.

I imagine it was major surgery. This takes a long time to get over.

I have major surgery twice and need more. I am not recovered yet almost 2 years from the first op.

Idiots telling you what you should be able to achieve can fuck off. They have no idea how long recovery can take.

In an ideal world you would entertain her children for hours on end. However, you must put yourself first. A diagnosis of anything can alter your life forever and particularly if you have more surgery and treatment to follow. I would carry on with your baking, reading and relaxing in the garden.

Your sisters children are the responsibility of her and her partner.
they are unreasonable to expect anyone else to do it for them for free - much less someone that is recuperating from surgery.
Chatting to them because you want to on an occasional basis is fine - but being expected to do this is unreasonable of your sister.

The last surgery I had I slept for a whole week after (not continuously! But most of the day and night). That wasn't even a general anaesthetic, but under sedation.
You need to recover your health fully.

Either I have been smacked in the head with a brick or I read a reply that said "compromise is needed"!!!!!! Wtaf. No it really isn't.

Not your problem. Don’t let her make you feel guilty.

Bloody hell, I'm struggling as a single parent to a 3 and 4 yr old, trying to WFH. It would never occur to me to expect my sister, or anyone else, to entertain them via FaceTime!!

I teach my niece online for 30 minutes a day, and find that 30 minutes is plenty for both of us!

I sometimes give her tasks to do or videos to watch afterwards as well, just in case she's bored.

I can't imagine 2 children for 2 hours!!

@Greendayz I meant it was the life my mother had to endure in terms of having very little help from anyone else; her mother died the year I was born; her dad had Alzheimer's; her brother was a full-time carer for their dad; her sister lived hundreds of miles away; my mother had no friends and things like mother and baby circles weren't a "thing" where we lived, nor was the WI; she had serious depression and anxiety issues which meant she couldn't work outside the home (or inside, come to that, even earning pin money). And my dad worked more than full-time in what would be regarded, during this epidemic, as a keyworker; he did what he could when he was home.

Our expectations of what we can do have changed. And employers also have different expectations these days. I've worked in several jobs where the mums with young children frankly admitted (albeit with tongue in cheek for some of them) they came to work for a rest! I'm also smiling that people think teaching is something just anyone can do - I think one thing this situation IS doing is making people re-evaluate many aspects of their lives. As I said in my earlier post, I'm really not without sympathy for both sides.

Just getting the tech to behave itself is hard enough, especially with the additional load on domestic phone lines that were never designed to take this volume of traffic, without having to cope with looking after dependents as well.

Did you used to FaceTime for a particular length of time on a Saturday?

I might just transfer that to a weekday instead & if feeling particularly kind ask if there's a day/time when that would be most useful.

You need to focus on yourself, and as others say - you're not working because you are sick. And supposed to be recovering.

If it makes you feel better, I'm NOT sick and I wouldn't do that for my sister. They are not my kids and I don't feel like babysitting.

YANBU if for no other reason that kids that age are highly unlikely to stay engaged over a video call for 1-2 hours. I have relatives of a similar age. I love them, they love me, but the magic of video calls wears off after 15 minutes or so and then they are off to find soemthing with more immediacy to do.

No!
You shouldn't feel guilty at all. I would never expect my brother to FaceTime us every day to entertain my 3 year old. No way.
I think your sister is a bit self centred if you ask me.
Hope you are ok and keep safe x

If she were my sister and had shown me kindness in the past and I liked the children (we don't know in this case) then yes, I would volunteer. In fact I'd enjoy it. Assuming not completely exhausted by the surgery.

The idea of two children that age paying attention to anyone on FaceTime for two hours is ridiculous. She is being unreasonable, your health aside.

YANBU to say no but equally if you do have the time and feel up to it, I would be happy to do what I could for someone I cared for and had a reciprocal relationship with. Considering their ages, I doubt they will focus for two solid hours so it’s more likely to be three or four shorter sessions throughout that day.

You aren’t in any way obliged to do but especially knowing you have another operation and recovery coming up, if you feel you might need to fall back on the support of your family, it would be worth doing what you could. Obviously if she is the sort of person who is take, take, take and you don’t want to help out, don’t.

X posts Millicent but totally agree.

She’s juggling work and childcare not going to the frontline.
Her children are not your responsibility. FaceTiming every now and then is nice but it’s not an obligation and every day for significant amounts of time is ridiculous.
Tell her to jog on.

Yanbu however it’s your sister and she sounds desperate. Are you genuinely not able to offer anything?

Everyone saying her kids her responsibility are absolutely correct but I can’t imagine not trying to do my bit to help her out in these circumstances. Unless she has form for this?

Her children, her problem. I highly doubt the kids would pay attention for that amount of time anyway.

To those making the 'the sister chose to have kids'--not like this, she didn't. Not one single parent signed up to home educate young children while working full time at a job that was meant to be done somewhere other than the home. And to expect it is a massive devaluation of work done predominantly done by women. No-one is expected to supervise young children on a construction site, so why is it acceptable to expect it while doing equally complex and challenging work at home? Similarly, why do we think what teachers do can be done just as easily remotely? This is all a bullshit fiction that devalues the work of women.

Having said all that OP, only you can know whether your sister is usually a pisstaker, or whether this is out of character for her. Only you can know whether the effort you put in now will result in a stronger relationship when you need support. Only you can know whether these factimes are actually engaging her kids or not.

She is a cheeky fucker and a half and @LouiseTrees is, I can only assume, her.

Suggest a virtual nanny

They are actually a thing

childcare.co.uk