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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell elderly neighbour just to use this online shop

56 replies

Orangeblossom78 · 12/04/2020 10:28

I have been emailed to say we can have a recurring online delivery slot due to DH's medical conditions, every week at the same time until October.

However it is with Asda. Have only used them for my parents before. Anyway it seems as I'm on their email system they contacted me.

Thing is I have been shopping for elderly neighbour who is not leaving their house, and they just want things like specific salads and bread from M&S or certain coffees from Waitrose. Also newspapers from a certain newsagent all on different days etc

So, now we have this slot is is unreasonable to say I can oder them some stuff with it also and they will have to make do with that?

Maybe they can arrange their newspaper to be delivered also and prescription. Not sure. I have their daughter's number who rang to thank me for sorting out their mum's shopping etc. But they don't seem to be helping with redirecting things and the mother doesn't use internet etc.

OP posts:
swishthecat · 12/04/2020 10:37

I think that is fine. We all need to be a bit more flexible and accept things are going to be different for a while. Does the daughter live too far away to be of help?

FamilyOfAliens · 12/04/2020 10:42

It’s lovely that you’re helping a neighbour, but you are creating more risk for yourself and your own family by visiting lots of different shops to get what she wants.

I would give her a call and say you’ve been happy to help so far, but now you are restricting yourself to Asda only, for the safety of your family, and if she’d prefer to ask someone else to go to M&S and Waitrose for her, that’s her decision.

MinkowskisButterfly · 12/04/2020 10:44

I think you are well within your rights. Im assuming Your husband is sheilding? Then you should be avoiding going out yourself where possible I believe? I think they will need to accept we need to be flexible in these times.

ukgift2016 · 12/04/2020 10:47

"Thing is I have been shopping for elderly neighbour who is not leaving their house, and they just want things like specific salads and bread from M&S or certain coffees from Waitrose. Also newspapers from a certain newsagent all on different days etc

Tough shit. Offer her the ASDA slot and if she refuses, let her daughter know. Why is the daughter not helping anyway?

Ellmau · 12/04/2020 10:54

Say you aren't allowed to go out any more either, so it's the Asda delivery or nothing.

Stefoscope · 12/04/2020 11:02

I don't see how anyone could consider you unreasonable for this. Agree with letting the daughter know you won't be going out to the shops anymore and leave it for her and her mum to sort out. Give them a deadline for when to let you know if they want anything adding to your Asda shop.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 12/04/2020 12:09

The daughter lives about an hour away. We also have another young couple neighbours who had left a note volunteering to help. So they would be available, and also had a note with a place nearby delivering e.g. fruit and veg boxes and milk etc which I left for her.

Yes it is going to be Monday morning and says can amend once in 2 days before so it would need to be before the weekend, but that seems reasonable.

So far it has been e.g. bits from other shops during week, milk and cream end of week, and newspapers Saturday. Would be far easier all at once especially when we'll also have the DC doing scrolling at home after the Easter.

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 12/04/2020 12:10

I think the daughter had her own DC and looking after them and further away...but yes me too!

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 12/04/2020 14:17

Any thoughts on can I still use to for my parents? I mean i usually shop for them with Asda but now they have added this pass it says I can't use to for others..

But slots are still few and far between and they're near my parents. who are a long way away. I can't phone them either as they are not taking calls, and no email. Not easy.

OP posts:
Loooobyloo · 12/04/2020 14:27

I'd just tell her the more you go out the more risk you are putting yourself in. The don't quite get it when they're stuck indoors all the time.

I asked a lady who was self isolating If she'd like me to bake her a cake and was there anything else she needed? She ordered a few cakes to be dropped off at various houses, I then had to drive to her friends to pick some books up then drive them to her house to leave on her doorstep. I visited three diffemt houses in one day and was here there and everywhere. I didn't mind as a one off but next time I will be putting a limit on drop offs Grin

My mum who is terrified of getting it thinks nothing of us all shopping for her all the time for various things. They just don't realise.

Mrsjayy · 12/04/2020 14:33

Tell her your dh is now on the 12. Week list and you need to stay home as much as possible so we can see if we can arrange the papers and prescriptions and maybe your dd could. Drop of your M&S shopping. You really need to look after yourself first and that's ok.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 12/04/2020 14:37

I don't think she understand it at times, as keeps saying can't go out - but doesn't seem to think about me going into so many different shops and it;s that which is the problem, not going out in the air as such. It's odd.

Anyway DH doesn't talk about his health to the neighbours and he wouldn't like me sharing that, so I will just have to be vague and maybe say for health reasons or just that we are lucky to have weekly shops delivered and be using that now. It will be a relief in a way.

OP posts:
MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 12/04/2020 14:38

@Orangeblossom78

If I've understood your follow up post properly, you're saying that the new weekly pass from Asda is specific to you and your family, so you can't then redirect the order to your parents/add any of your parents shopping to your order?

Could you set your parents up their own Asda account (which you administer) for their shops?

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 12/04/2020 14:39

@Orangeblossom78

In terms of an excuse to your neighbour/neighbour's daughter, why don't you just say you're self-isolating because one of you has a cough, then perhaps someone else can have a cough... By then some other regular help will be in place to replace you?

Mrsjayy · 12/04/2020 14:50

Well if you don't want to say about your husbands health say you have a cold and are self isolating you are not allowed in and out shops so you are getting Asda delivery, you don't have to elaborate.

Mrsjayy · 12/04/2020 14:51

That "well" might look sarcastic it isn't meant to Blush

Floatyboat · 12/04/2020 15:06

I would normally say yabu for shopping at Asda but shopping online for someone else is ok.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 12/04/2020 16:20

The pass is until October quite a long time to have a cold. Why is it unreasonable to shop at Asda? We have not used them before, are they awful? My parents seem to find it OK.

Yes might try to set parents up another account but I only have the same email address to use so will see if it will accept it.

OP posts:
PepePig · 12/04/2020 16:32

I'd stop shopping for them tbh. Their requests are a piss take and they should either make do or go out themselves if they want to be a grocery snob. I'm all for helping people out but your neighbour is taking the sheer piss out of you. Sod that.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 12/04/2020 16:38

I'll just mention to add anything they want and leave it at that I think. If they ask about the other shops say sorry not going there just now due to the online order.

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 12/04/2020 17:04

Create a new email address!

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 12/04/2020 17:06

I only have one email address!

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 12/04/2020 17:07

Thanks Smile I will have a go.

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 12/04/2020 17:14

Someone I shop for gave me a very specific, very long list from a supermarket that I don't use. I said I'm going to X, with which I'm familiar, so will be quicker, less risk to me and will do best I can. He said it was "fine" and it'll have to be. In fairness I think he has no idea what it's like out there. So yes, it's Asda from now on.

IrmaFayLear · 12/04/2020 17:19

I am in the shielded category and I had email from Asda. I used to buy some bulk stuff from Asda, but was a regular Waitrose customer (hark at me).

You know what? Asda stuff has been absolutely fine. Well, more than fine. In fact had their own-brand ready-made Yorkshire puddings today and they received a resounding thumbs up. The fruit and veg has all been very good.

As others have remarked, people must be flexible . Frankly I can imagine mil, if she were still alive, behaving like this and grumbling that she wanted this, that and the other. One must hold the line, and be firm and crisp, telling someone what the situation is, rather than being browbeaten by someone who is stubborn and mulish.

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