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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell elderly neighbour just to use this online shop

56 replies

Orangeblossom78 · 12/04/2020 10:28

I have been emailed to say we can have a recurring online delivery slot due to DH's medical conditions, every week at the same time until October.

However it is with Asda. Have only used them for my parents before. Anyway it seems as I'm on their email system they contacted me.

Thing is I have been shopping for elderly neighbour who is not leaving their house, and they just want things like specific salads and bread from M&S or certain coffees from Waitrose. Also newspapers from a certain newsagent all on different days etc

So, now we have this slot is is unreasonable to say I can oder them some stuff with it also and they will have to make do with that?

Maybe they can arrange their newspaper to be delivered also and prescription. Not sure. I have their daughter's number who rang to thank me for sorting out their mum's shopping etc. But they don't seem to be helping with redirecting things and the mother doesn't use internet etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 12/04/2020 21:27

I rang he daughter to ask what she thought about a weekly slot and whether her mum could add to that and she thought it sounded a good plan. So fingers crossed that should work out. Would have thought would be glad to have the chance of it at the moment.

OP posts:
NOTANUM · 13/04/2020 11:33

I am shopping for a few elderly people but entirely on a best endeavours basis. Their lists are generic - eggs, brown bread, tins of beans - and I certainly wouldn't do multiple shop visits. Equally sometimes things aren't available so they don't get that at all unless readily available somewhere else.

My only issue is that I haven't been paid. Cash is difficult due to infection/proximity and I can't take cheques as the branches near me are closed. But it does mean I am now short about £100 all in so far. We can settle up when it's all finished but I'm worried that they might not be adding it up as we go and might get a shock .
None of them are using online banking. Any thoughts?

NOTANUM · 13/04/2020 11:35

@Orangeblossom78 sorry to hijack your thread!

In case I sound miserly about the money, I'm more worried in case this lasts 12 weeks and £100 becomes £400.

IrmaFayLear · 13/04/2020 11:48

Notanum, perhaps write out weekly for each person what you are spending and drop that in with the shopping. Then they can't be surprised at a final bill. (And surely only an unpleasant CF would balk at paying what they owe when you've done them a great favour?)

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 13/04/2020 12:06

Ok I already have about £80 from this and I guess stick it in an envelope and pay it into bank / post office. I am putting it off though as ours has big queues...so yes in same boat there. Another reason for the online shop as they can get an online top up. Mine does not do internet either but hoping the daughter might help with that. Tricky isn't it.

OP posts:
Dontlikeoranges · 13/04/2020 14:24

NOTANUM you might be able to pay in a cheque with your phone banking - I can with Barclays, you use the app to photograph the front and back of the cheque and it pays it in for you.

LucyFox · 13/04/2020 14:41

I’m a bit confused, how are you actually doing your family shopping?
You have received a regular slot from ASDA to support you as a vulnerable person - if you don’t need/want it, you should give it up & allow another vulnerable person to get a slot. It’s not for your parents or your neighbour, it’s for the most vulnerable...

BigChocFrenzy · 13/04/2020 14:44

OrangeBlossom They may believe that only the old are in danger, like them,
since people keep saying "it's just mild flu" for the young

catanddogmake6 · 13/04/2020 14:51

@NOTANUM some of the supermarkets are doing voucher/ cards to enable people to do shopping for them. Haven’t looked into it. Alternatively would the families help. I sent money electronically for someone to do the shopping for my grandmother. Least I could do as can’t do the shopping. Will settle up later but it’s family so different. Alternatively some banks let you post cheques - is that an option?

Elouera · 13/04/2020 15:03

Its easy to set up another email address. I got a yahoo one recently so I could do this exact thing, and sign up for a supermarket to organise my mums shopping. I'm unsure why the neighbours daughter living an hour away has any baring? Surely the daughter can order from M&S/OCADO or another supermarket for her mother? I do this, and my mum is on the other side of the world! I really have no idea why you said to the daughter that you will continue the delivery service, and not tell the daughter to do it and organise help instead?

Surely you are supposed to be shielding also and not providing a delivery service for the neighbour? Sorry if I sound harsh, but this could go on for months, so I'm . Are you accepting cash from her beforehand? You have already helped her out quite a lot.

I have ordered from asda before, with mixed results, but generally good. Reasonable choice normally, but at the moment, many things are out of stock. One good thing, is that once its delivered, you can go back on their website to report any issues. In my last order, half the eggs were broken and something was missing. I got a refund for both, which is good. I cannot recall if other supermarkets make it so easy to choose the reason for refund, or make you ring up?

If you ordered Y brand of bread for the neighbour, but they substituted brand X instead, would she refuse it and you'd be expected to keep it? I personally would have told the daughter to sort it, and if very desperate, you might be able to add an item or 2 if needed. Not offer a weekly delivery service.

ECBC · 13/04/2020 15:21

Great that you have a recurring delivery slot since your DH is shielding, that will definitely take some pressure off. However the elderly friend/neighbour will have to take what she’s offered in terms of shopping, certainly not be making shop-specific demands. Lovely that you have offered to help but agree her family should be doing some of this and not relying on you so heavily.

There is absolutely no point your husband shielding if you are still going shopping all over the place for someone’s very specific shopping list.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 13/04/2020 15:28

I don't think the daughter has been able to find any delivery slots for her mum, who has also been ill and in her 80s. So if she can add some bits onto our list and we are having a delivery anyway weekly that seemed to make sense. I will just see how it goes, if she doesn't want to add anything then yes the daughter will just have to bring her what she wants I guess.

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Blueblackrose · 13/04/2020 15:29

You tell her that you need to minimise your exposure and therefore are getting weekly deliveries from asda and that you will not be going to shops anymore.

mymadworld · 13/04/2020 15:31

You just need to be firmer with your neighbour op and explain you are using the Asda weekly delivery service and happy to add whatever bits she wants onto that but won't be going to multiple stores anymore due to your DH's health.

@NOTANUM I buy for 4 neighbours and pay separately for each and include the recipe with their shopping. 1 does a bank transfer for the exact amount and the others (elderly and don't bank online) will leave cash in an envelope - I call and tell them the amount and a time I'll drop off the shopping so they can pop an envelope for me to collect the money. I keep a running total of change they need and deduct from next shop. It's a bit of a faff but none have managed to get deliveries and not a big deal for me to go so will carry on like this until they are safe to go outside I guess Confused

madcatladyforever · 13/04/2020 15:32

You know what - tough shit. Everybody including the elderly have to understand life is different now and there is going to be no traipsing about to different shops.
I've told all my elderly neighbours I go to Morrisons during NHS hour on Saturday and will shop there and only there.
It's amazing how many of them never ask because they don't want Morrisons products. They would rather go out daily and risk their lives going to all their old favourite shops.
I can't understand it.

counciltaxquery · 13/04/2020 15:34

Are Asda doing an item limit for online shops? I read a thread on here saying that Tesco are limiting deliveries to 80 items, so I'd check that before offering to add other people's stuff to your list, in case you end up not being able to get all of your items.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 13/04/2020 15:54

It doesn;t say anything about a limit I had better check.

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 13/04/2020 15:57

It says (Asda) Purchasing limits - We’ve put purchasing limits of a maximum of 3 items on certain handwashing and baby milk products in store and a maximum of 3 items on all products for online so there’s enough for everyone.

So that means 3 of each thing so I guess you can still buy e.g. packs of carrots, multipacks of beans? Confused

OP posts:
StCharlotte · 13/04/2020 16:01

A couple of weeks ago, I was speaking on the phone to an elderly client who said he'd been to Morrisons that morning and it was well organised and they got everything but then they went to Tesco and it was pandemonium. I asked him why he'd gone to Tesco when they had everything in Morrisons he said "well the wife prefers to get our meat from Tesco." Hopefully they're not still doing that.

OP you've been given a slot for a very good reason. So that ideally you don't have to go out at all - for the benefit of your DH.

Take advantage of it and don't make it complicated for yourself - just tell them you won't be going out and they can add, say, ten items to your list each week.

MinesAPintOfTea · 13/04/2020 16:09

With the money - each week write a note with the cost for that week and what that makes the running total (ie x, y, z for £16.76 means the total now is £123.45). Then there's no surprises

shinynewapple2020 · 13/04/2020 16:36

@LucyFox. The OP's family has someone vulnerable and the elderly neighbour is also vulnerable (by being elderly) as would her parents be. Perhaps read the thread rather than sniping at the OP who is trying to help others whilst still keeping her own family safe.

NOTANUM · 13/04/2020 17:17

Thanks for all the suggestions on the money front. I will look into options mentioned here and see what I can do. Interestingly the supermarket deliveries/pick-ups are hard as you can't split the shop like you can when are physically in the shop.

I don't know one of the households at all but have known the other for over a decade. I'm not worried about the money with the one I know well but the other one is more of a problem. One of the household has an adult child who seems hands off and I wouldn't know how to contact him.

@Orangeblossom78 - the restrictions can be a pain. Today I ordered 4 bananas so had to choose who got them. The answer was "not me" Smile But we have lots of other stuff.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 17/04/2020 15:43

Oh dear this is not going well so far. She wants sourdough bread and bramley apples etc and of course they don't have them- I asked if she just wants apples and white bread if not, but no.

Someone might end up hungry soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 17/04/2020 15:44

Also will not do the volunteer card and will pay in cash. Great

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 17/04/2020 15:46

Yes I do the running total and it is now nearly £80 so will need to bank it by the end of the month I get. Not easy is it. She did say "I don't want it to be a bore' but it's not that is it Confused You'd think they would understand given they are also avoiding the shops etc!

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