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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to stop breastfeeding

78 replies

Rubbercoffee · 11/04/2020 21:28

My little one is 18m and I'm proud that we are still breastfeeding, I struggled through all my mental health issues and have done all the night feeds and I co sleep with her. I returned to work 6 months ago and part of my job includes on calls twice a month. I managed to "get out of doing" on calls for the last 6 months due to my mental health and occupational health giving me some grace period.

It was agreed I would start on calls again beginning of may.

I'm still breastfeeding and that includes feeding to sleep and during the night

Me and my DH have just had a huge row as he thinks I'm weak and no willpower to just give up. He thinks we should bite the bullet and essentially go cold turkey for as long as it takes her to get used to it . I'm more along the lines of why give up a great thing for only a very small percentage of nights that it might be an issue....

Giving up breastfeeding completely seems really overwhelming to me (but on some levels a little relieving) but I don't want to
He kept saying it's not normal (it is) and that of I want to keep breastfeeding I need to quit my job 😡

AIBU to want to have my cake and eat it ? Or am I putting my little one through turmoil twice a month when I'm not there , to then give her the breast when I am there, to then repeat it again and again?

OP posts:
ferntwist · 11/04/2020 21:31

You stick with it as long as you and your little one want to. It’s an amazing feat to have made it to 18 months (although posters will be along quickly to tell me off for saying that). Good for you momma, keep going.

Boshmama · 11/04/2020 21:34

Of course you should keep breastfeeding if you and your child want to! Natural term weaning is between 3 and 7 years old!

Baby will adapt when you go on call, Dad may have a few difficult nights to start with but they'll find their rhythm and I'm sure you've had your fair share of bad nights breastfeeding for 18 months!!

No way would I wean my 17 month old in the middle of a global pandemic!

NotPayingAttention · 11/04/2020 21:36

have you looked into the law on this? Are you sure you have to return to a shift pattern that disrupts your breastfeeding, and have you consulted HR with this as your backdrop in addition to MH issues? I'm not sure of the legal issues myself but it may be worth a look.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 11/04/2020 21:37

I don't have kids yet (I'm currently TTC).. but have I missed something? What's wrong with breastfeeding at 18 months? I was always under the impression that on average mothers tend to stop breastfeeding aged 2ish!

Regardless, no OP YANBU. Do whatever makes you and your children happy. Flowers

Although I might have said something different if your child was at school Grin

TeaAddict235 · 11/04/2020 21:39

Two nights a month won't hurt the little one. Keep up the great work that you are doing. If you are ok and want to, then keep feeding that poppet - it's what our mammalian glands are for. Be proud of yourself and love your little one,

My 'little one' is 3.5 and still like to drink before bed. My breast, my baby, both happy. When I do have work in the evenings, he knows that Papa is about and that's all. They look at the stars out of the window, DH sings; bedtime has another routine, and that's okay. When I'm there, it's our time. You are not weak, you are the exact opposite and deserve more support from your DH.

Original poster
Rubbercoffee · 11/04/2020 21:39

Not paying attention

Legal only covers the breastfeeding relationship for 1st year of life 😥

OP posts:
Branster · 11/04/2020 21:39

I would be more concerned about over night feeding than breastfeeding in general.
There’s nothing stopping you keeping the bedtime feed as long as you want.
For both yours and your little one’s wellbeing it would be better that you both get uninterrupted sleep. Breastfeeding is comforting to both of you but sleep is actually important for health reasons. Mothers are very close to their children without breastfeeding so it won’t affect your closeness once you reduce or stop it.
Otherwise you’ll have to try it out. If, at all possible, get DH to put her to sleep one evening without you being there (pretend you are going out even though you can’t) and see how they cope. If you try to do bedtime without breastfeeding but thinking that you might do it tomorrow, it’s not going to work.
They need to cope without you on the odd evening anyway. What would happen if you needed to go to hospital for one night or go out in the evening (pre lockdown).

Chillicheese123 · 11/04/2020 21:40

Two nights a month, what’s the big deal ?

Nomoreweeping · 11/04/2020 21:41

Keep feeding. They adapt to new patterns according to who's looking after them. Plenty breastfed babies nap at nursery without a feed, yet still have a feed at bedtime at home. 18m really isn't that weird (well, it is in the UK...but globally it's normal), so don't feel pressure to give up coz of your daughter's age.

missanony · 11/04/2020 21:42

At 18 months no toddler needs a night feed. You’re being had

Murraygoldberg · 11/04/2020 21:42

If you want to carry on, carry on. The nights away will be fine, toddlers will accept you not being there.

Coconut0il · 11/04/2020 21:43

DS2 would always want BF if I was there to put him to bed. I used to go out once or twice a month and DP would put him to bed, he was happy with a story and a cuddle if I wasn't there.

Original poster
Rubbercoffee · 11/04/2020 21:43

Branster we have tried him putting her to bed, it worked the first time ,(although she did wake 45 mins later) the second time it was hell and she was sick everywhere and I had to come back home.
Since then the pandemic had kicked off and I'm Frontline and haven't had the opportunity or motivation to try again. But my on calls are coming up and hence the argument

OP posts:
SagaBauer · 11/04/2020 21:43

I definitely wouldn't wean now. I went back to work when my DD was 13 months and started night shifts when she was 14 months, it was fine! Both my DD and DH managed brilliantly. We fed until she was 21 months and I was ready to stop. I know plenty of women still BF 2, 3, 4 year olds. My DH still finds it weird but it's just lack of exposure to it.

Original poster
Rubbercoffee · 11/04/2020 21:45

Missanony.....

Thank you for your comment. I'm quite sure she feeds for comfort rather than a feed in itself. Which is fine, I do lots of things for comfort too.

OP posts:
miccymaccy · 11/04/2020 21:45

I'm fed mine for ages - when they stayed at my mums or when their dad has them they were fine to go without then carried on when I was there. It's something they associate with you, so if you are not there they won't look for it in my experience. Kids are amazing at adapting. Keep on boobing

Original poster
Rubbercoffee · 11/04/2020 21:46

Sagabauer I would really love to know more information about how this happened so easily. My little one doesn't have a dummy... Doesn't take a bottle.... Boob is everything

OP posts:
Fromthebirdsnest · 11/04/2020 21:46

I'm breastfeeding my youngest at night , he's 4 , that wasn't the plan i wanted to do it until he was 2 (he was preemie ) but it has continued and we are happy , I had weaned him in the day since he was 3 &a half but it's creeping back as we are home ,we also co sleep , however we have decided we will end it when he's 5 completely, it's entirely up to you when you breastfeed to , well done you! You definitely shouldn't wean during the pandemic as it gives your child your immunity and it's still full of things that are so good for them x I went to Budapest for a long weekend with my best friend last summer he was absolutely fine with his dad (& my husband had 3 children to look after) x x

Slat3 · 11/04/2020 21:46

If you don’t want to stop then don’t,
Baby will adapt to the nights you aren’t there and dad will need to find some coping mechanisms.
I say this as I’m still breastfeeding my 2.5yr old throughout the night sometimes and he copes ok when I’m not around (ok not frequently) and my husband manages.
Well done Flowers

Fromthebirdsnest · 11/04/2020 21:47

Also well done you for breastfeeding for 18months it's not easy your a super mum x

TheHarryFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 11/04/2020 21:49

Your dh is a prick.
When I was breastfeeding toddlers I managed to go away for the odd night and they didn’t really ask for milk when I wasn’t there (they did cosleep with dh in my absence and cuddled back to sleep).

SandyY2K · 11/04/2020 21:50

Due to the nature of your job, I would wean. How long do you want to get out of doing on calls for?

I agree with your DH tbh.

User0ne · 11/04/2020 21:51

If you go "cold turkey" you'll be putting your health at risk (likely to end up with mastitis or similar) and it'll be traumatic for your LO as they'll know that you're refusing to feed and comfort them but not understand why.

It's a fantastic achievement to still be breastfeeding at 18months. It isn't "normal" in the UK but it isn't unheard of either. Your DH ought to be incredibly proud of you for bf for so long; it's one hell of a commitment and not always easy.

WHO guidelines say to continue till at least 2 and preferably 3 if you want a health justification.

Practically LO will learn to deal with feeding around shifts etc

I still feed my 2.4yo (and fed his older brother till nearly 3). The days I'm at work he feeds more at night. The nights I'm at work he dream feeds when I get in. DH found evenings a little harder to begin with but DS2 adjusted quickly to "cuddling to sleep" from DH instead of "feeding to sleep" with me. I'm very thankful I don't have similar pressure from DH, though I suspect that's because he wants to retain that title Grin

TheHarryFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 11/04/2020 21:52

misanony WHO recommends breastfeeding into the toddler years. Do you mean ‘need’ as in ‘will die without it’ or ‘need’ as in ‘has nutritional and emotional benefits’? There is a difference. Of course, in a pandemic it could be the former.

teaandbiscuitsforme · 11/04/2020 21:57

BF for as long as you want to BF but at 18mo I think your DD will be fine for you to do a few night shifts every so often.

I BF both of mine to beyond 2 and when DS was 16mo, I went on a hen do for 3 nights. He was fine with DH! DH coslept with him and although he grumbled at first, he was actually ok. DH had never even tried to put him for a nap or to bed before but I wasn't there and he was comforted by DH. And of course, he picked up BF right where he left off when I got back.