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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to stop breastfeeding

78 replies

Rubbercoffee · 11/04/2020 21:28

My little one is 18m and I'm proud that we are still breastfeeding, I struggled through all my mental health issues and have done all the night feeds and I co sleep with her. I returned to work 6 months ago and part of my job includes on calls twice a month. I managed to "get out of doing" on calls for the last 6 months due to my mental health and occupational health giving me some grace period.

It was agreed I would start on calls again beginning of may.

I'm still breastfeeding and that includes feeding to sleep and during the night

Me and my DH have just had a huge row as he thinks I'm weak and no willpower to just give up. He thinks we should bite the bullet and essentially go cold turkey for as long as it takes her to get used to it . I'm more along the lines of why give up a great thing for only a very small percentage of nights that it might be an issue....

Giving up breastfeeding completely seems really overwhelming to me (but on some levels a little relieving) but I don't want to
He kept saying it's not normal (it is) and that of I want to keep breastfeeding I need to quit my job 😡

AIBU to want to have my cake and eat it ? Or am I putting my little one through turmoil twice a month when I'm not there , to then give her the breast when I am there, to then repeat it again and again?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 11/04/2020 21:57

You dont need to stop. You will both adapt OP. Mine was 3 1/2 when I stopped. I was well ready by then Grin

Your bloke is being unreasonable. Tell him to stop banging on about it.

coconutpie · 11/04/2020 21:59

Well done on bf to 18m. The natural weaning age is much older than 18m! The WHO recommend bf for at least 2 years and beyond.

There's no way I'd even consider weaning during a global pandemic. Breastmilk is full of anti virals, keep bf for as long as possible, one or two nights a month won't be an issue because on those nights baby will just settle with dad when you're not around.

tealandteal · 11/04/2020 21:59

They are surprisingly adaptable and will cope with 2 nights a month. The first night or two may be hard work for your DH but they will find their own pattern. I bf for 22 months and weaned off night feeds at first then from feeding to sleep but I was still able to go on the odd night out. DH was able to get DS to sleep when I wasn't there. At that age they will be getting enough nutrition elsewhere so you don't need to worry about that at least!

funinthesun19 · 11/04/2020 22:00

Hi op,
My DD is 18 months too, and I’m still breastfeeding too. She has a feed in the evening when she goes to bed and one in the morning when she wakes up, and then sometimes during the night she might have an extra one.

We’re both still happy and it’s a completely personal choice that affects nobody else so I don’t know why people get so worked up about it.

Maltay · 11/04/2020 22:01

I don't do on call anymore since having Dd, when I went back to work it was negotiated like a new contract. DD also 18mo boob monster. She goes in her own room o beging with but about 9 or 10 pm she wakes for boob and comes into bed with me. I had to break the nursing to sleep thing, it was just too hard coming home from work at 7 and not even be able to have a bath and my dinner. We did cry it out, it took 3 days and now she has a lovely 15monite bed time routine. I could probably 'break' her of her BFing Dr night but I simply don't want to, I suppose it's working mum guilt. If work tried to make me do on call id be looking for another job. As an educated woman you don't need to put up with this shit fro.an employer

PenguinMama · 11/04/2020 22:03

I don't understand why it's an either or situation. I'm still bfing my 2 year old, and when I have to work late, DH gives him milk in a cup. Ds is still happy to have breastmilk the next day so you don't need to completely wean to be able to do the on call shift. It wasn't that easy for DH the first couple of times, but it's fine now as ds now understands that if I'm at work, he has milk in a cup, not from me - but DH supports my decision to keep bfing which makes a big difference here.

caradelvigna · 11/04/2020 22:05

To offer you a bit of support, my DS is nearly 18 months and we cosleep, I BF him at night when he wants it. It's good for them, and also kids can wake up hungry or thirsty at night just like adults do. It's a UK problem. Lots of people are weird about breastfeeding here...

Nottherealslimshady · 11/04/2020 22:05

You shouldn't have to stop before you and your child are ready. But you need to come up with something so that you can be on call and it not be hell for your shild and husband. A blanket you sleep with that he can use to settle her with your scent on?

newbingepisodes · 11/04/2020 22:09

Well done on the feeding excellent work. But seriously 18months and feeding at night - I'd be dead. Both mine were in a routine sleeping through at 11 weeks and 9 weeks. First was breast fed, second was bottle fed.

worriedmama1980 · 11/04/2020 22:12

Still feeding, went away on first overnight work trip when she was about thirteen month, left expressed milk, no problem at all.

We actually chose to night wean (ish!) at that point so she went from co-sleeping with me to go-sleeping with daddy armed with expressed milk and two weeks off work. First few nights she work, was a bit agitated but settled with the milk and cuddles, then stopped needing the milk.

If I sleep in with her she'll feed through the night and I can only put her to bed by feeding to sleep but she's absolutely fine with her dad otherwise. I've had a number of occasions where I've missed bedtime because of work events and it's been fine.

Her dad is v v hands on which helps, my plan is to feed till two /we start actively ttc no 2 as my boobs were agony all through pregnancy and I couldn't face feeding while pregnant. It is lovely and comforting and she is so secure. I think you might find your little one more adaptable than you think.

Tunnocks34 · 11/04/2020 22:13

I breastfed my middle son until he was two. It got a bit much for me then personally and I slowly cut down over a month and stopped. Currently breastfeeding my 8 month old, I plan to stop when he’s about 1 as I’m no longer enjoying it but don’t want to stop in the middle of a pandemic when a) formula is hard to find and b) if I were to get covid I could continue to safely feed him and pass on anti bodies

BreatheAndFocus · 11/04/2020 22:15

Keep breastfeeding. Your DH sounds jealous. Your DC is still young and the natural weaning age is 3 to 7 yrs.

To whoever above said “Boob is everything” - you’re right. For some children it is. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Stop when you and your daughter think the time is right and don’t be bullied into stopping by anybody.

Zantedeschia · 11/04/2020 22:17

I would continue to bf and just make sure your lo knows when you'll be away for the night...Mummy has to work tonight so if you need anything in the night, go to Daddy. I'll be back for breakfast etc.

If they are like mine, they won't even bother waking Daddy half the time, he doesn't have what they want so they do without Hmm

KellyHall · 11/04/2020 22:17

My dh had to start doing night times without me while I was still bf. Dd just learned to feed more when I was there and dh had to figure out a different bedtime routine: stories, cuddles, bath, singing, walk around the block, drive in the car - basically anything! It's pointless him trying what works for you because babies expect and are comforted by different people in different ways.

Roseability18 · 11/04/2020 22:18

I went back to my job doing shifts just before my LO turned 1. I am often away for 14 hours overnight. My husband did have a few difficult nights at the beginning but he found his own ways to settle her and I think overall it has helped her sleeping. We still breastfeed frequently when I am home (LO now 18months) although I have stopped feeding during the night completely (unless she’s is unwell) so it doesn’t confuse her on nights I am not around.

Thought this example might help you as from my experience it’s certainly possible to be apart for periods without giving up breastfeeding completely.

newbingepisodes · 11/04/2020 22:18

Boob is not everything! I have no boobs!

JasonPollack · 11/04/2020 22:18

Baby will adapt, he needs to work on his bond with her so it's not so strange for her when you're not there. Maybe he can practise putting her down for naps? He's being a fucking dick though. You're doing an amazing thing, chin up mamma Flowers

Watertorture · 11/04/2020 22:20

Your dh thinks it will be harder for him unless the feeds stop. It will probably be hard for him either way, if the toddler just want their mum to put them down. He will have to find his own way.

LouiseTrees · 11/04/2020 22:21

@Rubbercoffee why don’t you change the night feed to a formula feed. I know it might be hard but your husband just doesn’t want to be left with a crying baby in the middle of the night while mummy is away on call. Or can you express so that your child can be fed breastmilk from a bottle.

Bluebooby · 11/04/2020 22:24

My dd continued to bf at night until she was about 3 and a half. You don't need to stop, your dc will be ok on the odd night that you're not there. Your dh is being ridiculous.

NellMangel · 11/04/2020 22:30

Yanbu. A couple of nights won't affect it. Certainly not worth going cold turkey.

I think I eventually stopped at 3 years, almost 4. I had around 2.5 years of (male) family members suggesting it was going on too long. The comments got very tedious but I stopped when DC (and I) was ready. Society is very prudish about breastfeeding.

Shortfeet · 11/04/2020 22:31

It concerns me that you are even asking this question.

nativityhumbug · 11/04/2020 22:33

Well done, a great achievement! I have no advice but this would make me feel anxious, especially with the night feeds. My ds is 19 months. I went back to work (only 1 day a week) when he was 1. He's fine with dh but the nights feel so much differemt

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/04/2020 22:34

He seems to have forgotten that by breastfeeding you’ve made his life a lot easier. How many night wakings has he done over the last 18 months? I’m sorry he’s being so horrible. It shows a complete lack of appreciation, consideration and interest in yours and your child’s wellbeing. Carry on as you are. My DD is coming up to 13 months, breastfed a lot, cosleeps half the night and we’re not stopping anytime soon with DH’s full supper and appreciation.

Twolittlebears · 11/04/2020 22:36

Hi OP, if it's any help I breastfeed my youngest DC and have to work late at least 1 night per week (pre-Corona). I even had to go away for 5 nights and managed to continue (with minimal pumping). I started working late one/two nights out of the house when DC was 8 months - they took a bottle of formula on those nights just fine. So if you want to continue don't let this be a barrier! Of course if you want to stop then that's fine too!

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