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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My male friend is not what he claims to be.

90 replies

Newjobnewlifenewrules · 11/04/2020 13:48

I've name changed as I've been reading some of my old threads and they're a little identifiable.

I'm married and I have a male friend, we've been mates for about five years. I have zero sexual feelings towards him, he has alluded to feelings for me in the past (a long time ago) but he's never made a pass or been outright about it. We meet for coffees once or twice a month, speak on the phone a little and he was very helpful to me during a difficult time at work a couple of years ago.

He is a dreamer, very focused on star signs, the "Universe" all those sorts of things. Believes if he thinks hard enough about something it will happen, e.g. new car.

Anyway to get to my AIBU. He's always told me he has his own business, he works from home, and he makes regular business trips to London. I've never been inside his home, and although he's always talking about big deals and contracts I've never seen any evidence of this. I now believe all of this is a lie. I think he claims benefits and the house he lives in his rented by his parents. I think he lives in this bubble where if he believes he has a successful business strongly enough, it will happen for him.

There's just a few things that have happened recently that have made me think he's not all he claims to be. I wouldn't have cared who he worked for, or what he did or didn't do for a living if he'd said from the start. I just don't like being lied to.

I have always been a bit freaked out by people pretending to be someone else, it really scares me (childhood fright), and I've been really scared by this. AIBU?

I can't ask him directly as he'll be very upset if, a. I've got it all wrong and he is genuine (highly unlikely), or b. he is lying and I've found him out.

OP posts:
RickJames · 11/04/2020 16:14

Patagonia!

Bringringbring12 · 11/04/2020 16:15

What does your DH think? Presumably you’ve sought his opinion on it?

RickJames · 11/04/2020 16:15

Peru!

BreatheAndFocus · 11/04/2020 16:16

Back away from him. I found out my ex was lying and it was not recently I discovered the true extent of his lies.

Not good....

If you want proof, then question him, but, tbh, it might not help and you’ll either get more lies in return or a fake hurt expression and no real answers at all.

BreatheAndFocus · 11/04/2020 16:17

*was not= wasn’t until

CassidyStone · 11/04/2020 16:17

He's obviously called Phillip Eanes.

RuffleCrow · 11/04/2020 16:18

It's not really a friendship, it's a Harold Pinter play.

Binterested · 11/04/2020 16:19

Totally giggling at Prance Grin

Hello, I’m Prance

Butterer · 11/04/2020 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WatchingTheBears · 11/04/2020 16:20

Posnia and Herzegovina?

AreYouSiriusLupin · 11/04/2020 16:21

I need to know the name beginning with P!

sueelleker · 11/04/2020 16:25

*Hello, I’m Prance

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 11/04/2020 16:25

Pumplestiltskin ?

CassidyStone · 11/04/2020 16:25

Piet Nam?
Pie Land?
Pal Asia?
Pam Bodia?
Pas Mania?

WhatTiggersDoBest · 11/04/2020 16:29

Papua New Guinea

calllaaalllaaammma · 11/04/2020 16:29

Do you know which kind of business that he's supposed to be in.
Would he have a website that you could look for or something like that?

It does sound suspicious I would start to back away.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 11/04/2020 16:30

OP has gone off with her head in her hands I think...!

I think gently distance yourself if you can’t avoid him. As you say, nothing to be gained by confronting him.

Ps my moneys on Paris, Phoenix or Paulo - but Philip Eanes and Prance are my favourites! 😁

Standrewsschool · 11/04/2020 16:33

Have you googled him or his alleged business. It would be very unusual for a successful company not to have an online presence.

Maybe next time you see him, ask him some probing questions, but in a friendly, chatty way. Explain you didn’t know what his business was about, and wanted to know more. Ie. Name, what it does, what his London meetings involve etc. If he tries to avoid the questions, or is a bit cagey, you know it’s not true.

Guttersnipe · 11/04/2020 16:34

I genuinely once knew a little boy called Puru (pronounced Peru). If that helps with the people suggesting silly names.

Iola4 · 11/04/2020 16:36

papua new guinea

PerkingFaintly · 11/04/2020 16:36

I'm dying at Pcotland.Grin

Or, is it a silent T? So PNew Zealand?

bitheby · 11/04/2020 16:37

I was once lied to. The man was a fraudster. Lied to several people. I gave him £300 and he tried to get more. Told me his father was dying and needed money for flights. At that point I knew it was all a lie and tried to catch him out in it. Spoke to others who knew him and it transpired that he'd been telling different versions of the story to others and had 'borrowed' hundreds of pounds.

Then he disappeared.

I went to where he said he worked. Talked about it all the time. They had never heard of him. Didn't recognise a photo.

At the time I had a range of emotions but now I just think he was the loser. I'd prefer to be me who was too trusting and kind than him.

PerkingFaintly · 11/04/2020 16:38

silent P, damnit

ButtonandPickle19 · 11/04/2020 16:40

I guess we need more info as to what makes you think it’s a lie to know

Butterer · 11/04/2020 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.