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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I should push and push council to accommodate roughsleeping DS at this time? Long, sorry.

79 replies

Molly175 · 11/04/2020 11:26

DS1, mental health diagnosis (sczophrenia, flat effects) and formerly sectioned. Behaviour pattern includes going off, technically missing (police involved). Often. MH team know it's part of his condition. Rarely on meds, needle phobic and finds a way of taking them out of mouth when back turned. Meds is DH's responsibility. MH carers not seeing DS now because of Covid.

Long history of disappearing for several years at a time. Now back in area, and since hospital (self discharge once section lifted), we've scoped him up and funded his accommodation in hotels etc. Back on the street and he wouldn't survive. Physically ill - severely underweight, fungal infection, walks with difficulty, narcolepsy.

Long story short - was accommodated because of local authority Covid directive. But he twice went off and second time, a day or so ago, lost his room. Another resident told building manager that DS had told him he didn't want to be there and then went off in a car. Manager and council assumed he'd left, aided by us. DS says he didn't say this, he is very reserved, and we certainly didn't drive him off. So decision made on heresay evidence.

Next few days were spent (again) liaising with police to find him. Turned up yesterday - went to hospital - given overnight sofa but told that there aren't any beds.

Huge efforts to get another MH assessment yesterday. Went round in circles, hence visit to hospital where they were very concerned but hands tied because of the bed situation.

Shelter say directive doesn't let councils 'punish' behaviour this way.

Now, DS is lying in a sleeping bag, in a car park. People want to help and report this. With the senior housing officer whose decision this was, we've drawn a blank. He's obdurate. Have written to a Councillor who wants to know more but, I fear, all roads will lead to this officer who won't budge. He, over years, has not understood how DS's MH means that he can't be treated like someone who is bloody minded or has real agency.

No access to sanitation, to eating property - and no sign that things will change, certainly over the long w/end. I'm trying to find someone for him but affordable (and I'm in debt) places are few and far between because of lockdown. And he shouldn't travel anymore.

DS can't live here yet. Years ago his behavour impacted horribly on younger ones. We sought help but it was so patchy and lacking.

AIBU for thinking that DH and I should push this as much as can rather than sit back, let DS ride out the pandemic in a sleeping bag (if he makes it) or try, as we have so often in the past, to find somewhere, not too pricey, that will take him? Then again, he shouldn't travel. He's a risk to himself and others. I'm clear about that. I'm at my wit's end. Genuine apologies for length.

OP posts:
Lockdowngrinch · 12/04/2020 11:56

This post has really moved me. No advice but praying you get some help for your lovely ds. It must be so incredibly hard for you and your family OPFlowers

Thelittleweasel · 12/04/2020 12:12

This is so difficult to give any comfort I am afraid. In the older times he would have simply been sectioned and "forcibly" put in an "asylum" = "a place of safety" where possibly over a long period of time he would have been medicated with the object of "a cure". Those days are gone I am afraid - whether for good or ill I cannot decide - and the bar for intervention is so much higher. Unless and until he can accept the help I do not think there is much that can be done. Keep pushing the council as much as possible though that may be limited now. I really do not feel that as suggested by another poster having him back at your home will be practical if only for your own safety.

He seems to be a survivor though if he goes off the radar for years. The elephant in the room is of course that he comes to harm and I pray that will not happen.

Lost a DP years and years ago to taking a hard course of action.

@Molly175

OhCaptain · 12/04/2020 12:21

@Molly175 I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Management fucked up royally. Have you had any dialogue with them?

In the interim (and sorry if this is crap and clueless) do you even have a shed that you could make room for a camp bed in?

Hugt · 12/04/2020 12:53

As someone who works in mental health, the difficulty in this threads is that often services differ in area and dont work the way people think.

For example not all teams are intergrated with social care thus there may not be a social worker. Most trusts have a homeless team but this might range from a whole team to one person to cover the area.

Im sure Op is aware but where people talking about getting the police involved via 136 or sectioning, this often has a lot higher criteria than given here.

You could not 136 someone who is sleeping rough, without an imminent risk. The risk of being nfa in the current situation would not be immeidate enough

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