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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask posters who have done drugs

124 replies

WaterOffADucksCrack · 11/04/2020 09:50

What they will tell/have told their children when they reach/reached the age when they're curious?

Mine aren't anywhere near that age yet but I'm curious because they will ask about it one day. My dad told me he'd done cannibas for around a year. He had fun tines but that it made him so lazy that he stopped as he was in college.

My story is different, I've tried all drugs. Ended up with a ketamine addiction. However with something like cannabis I'm more leaning towards telling the children of the good and the bad as I believe being ridiculously against is as bad as being ridiculously for it. Thanks.

OP posts:
AftonGlen · 11/04/2020 10:06

Hmm good question. I would like to think I would be honest as possible, that I enjoyed taking stuff at the time and there is enjoyment to be had, but too much can quickly lead to depression, other issues.
I would probably want to try and talk about the reasons why I was looking for that extra enjoyment and escapism and discuss other ways that can be achieved.
I really don't want DC to start on anything but I suppose being honest and educating is the best way, as long as I could do it without promoting the use of drugs. I was never really anti drugs but now I have care of a child, I would rather they abstained from that scene.
It's a hard one as I wouldn't want to be a hypocrite but some of the things I have experienced because of drugs, I wouldn't want it for any child.

Pulpfiction1 · 11/04/2020 10:30

My children won't be told about my drug use. I will be honest with them though and tell them the truth about drugs. That they arnt instantly going to end up heroine addicts or dead from taking them - but that they are ultimately a distraction from life. That you get no real fulfillment from them, and most people that take drugs heavily (myself included), don't fulfill their true potential because they are too busy getting high. I would also point out to my daughters that taking drugs puts them in risky situations that can lead to horrible things happening too them.

Pulpfiction1 · 11/04/2020 10:35

It's a hard one as I wouldn't want to be a hypocrite but some of the things I have experienced because of drugs, I wouldn't want it for any child.

Spot on. I had a good time but there were some really dark times too. I would be heart broken if my dds were subjected to the same shit.

I do think that a lot of people can use drug sensibly and sparsely. Hopefully my kids would fit into that catagory. I unfortunately didn't, but I think there are underlying reasons for that. I'm just still not sure what they were.

Original poster
WaterOffADucksCrack · 11/04/2020 10:43

Thanks for all the replies. It's especially difficult as my addiction was to do with wanting an escape from the abuse I suffered which I'd obviously rather they didn't know.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 11/04/2020 10:44

I'm curious because they will ask about it one day

I wouIdn't assume that.
I have teens and an 18 year old and they have never asked me directly about drugs. We might discuss them (eg) in reference to a celebrity in the news but they generally discuss this sort of thing with their peers and the school cover drug use/abuse in PSHE lessons.

I did attempt to have a "beware the pitfalls of drugs" conversation with my oldest before he went to Reading festival. He responded with a lot of eye rolling and appeared to know more than I did (and I was a teen in the 90s taking E regularly!)

I'm well aware that their friends smoke/vape cannabis and have tried other drugs as perhaps have my teens.
Most teens will Google information these days if they're curious about anything.
Talk To Frank is a good online resource if you want to stay informed yourself.

ForbiddenFromNaples · 11/04/2020 10:46

Could I ask you about your ketamine addiction? How much were you using at its height?

maddy68 · 11/04/2020 10:50

My children are adults now. I have told them. One of mine dabbles recreationally and I like the fact it's openly discussed and I feel confident that if there was a problem it would be approached. My other thinks I'm a dick

It's best to be open I think

Pulpfiction1 · 11/04/2020 10:51

@SmileyClare I think leaving friends, the Internet and the school to give kids their drug education is the wrong approach. That's where I got my education from. Guess which friends I listened too. It's was the older ones that uses drugs, it wasn't the school or Internet that promoted caution.

Lllot5 · 11/04/2020 10:56

I told mine the truth. Have never taken and would never take any.

Pulpfiction1 · 11/04/2020 11:01

@WaterOffADucksCrack I don't think your kids need to know about that or your drug use. But use your experience of drugs to steer them away or teach them about moderation.

Pulpfiction1 · 11/04/2020 11:02

@Lllot5 then this isn't really the thread for you.

MothershipG · 11/04/2020 11:03

I dabbled a fair amount at Uni and a bit after, and subsequently grew out of it with no ill effects. However some people in my circle were did not escape unscathed. My DC are older teens and I have been honest with them and I think they have with me.

Bluebooby · 11/04/2020 11:04

I think I'll answer questions honestly if dd asks me but not volunteer information. She's only 5 so it's way off I hope. I was abused in the past and didn't grow up in a nice environment and really want to keep that separate from my dd. I don't think I'd have got so into drugs (mostly coke for me) were it not for that. One of my brothers is addicted to cannabis and now ketamine as well as on his way to being an alcoholic. The cannabis has caused him a lot of mental health issues (psychosis and paranoia) and he's been violent to me and our dm, so that's another conversation I'm going to have to have with her one day I suppose. Or maybe not. I don't know. I just want her to have a normal life.

Isawamagpie · 11/04/2020 11:09

I am going to be as honest and open as possible. Tell them everything I've tried and the obvious downfalls from it.
Before I met DP I was regularly taking cocaine, he hated it and made me stopped. I tried arguing the merits of it once and had a sudden wake up call and a wtf moment.
I was on my way down a very slippery slope and thank god he stopped me.
I would want my child to know that they could come to me with any questions, if they're going to use i would rather I knew about it (of course I would discourage this behaviour, but I rather know that for example, have them need to go to hospital and have no clue they may have taken something)
I think honesty, education and having an open door policy is the best way to tackle this kind of thing - and to try and realise if they're spiraling.
Something that started as dabbling on and off for a few years can turn into something more, so having awareness of this fact and someone to talk to is paramount.

roarfeckingroar · 11/04/2020 11:14

I'll be fairly honest in an age appropriate way.

I'm extremely against cannabis. In my experience it's dreadful for mental health and people excuse it as fine, no worse than alcohol. I've found it tends to turn people into dreadful bores, attracting other stoners and limiting their lives. I'll tell my kids this.

Cocaine was my drug of choice. I was very lucky though in so far as I don't have an addictive personality and just stopped a few years ago. Many aren't so lucky.

I think most things in moderation and trying them out once or twice can widen your mind/experiences.

SmileyClare · 11/04/2020 11:33

I think leaving their friends, school, the internet to give kids their drug education is the wrong approach

I perhaps didn't explain myself properly. I like to think I have an open relationship with my teens and am always happy to discuss anything with them and give advice.

I just haven't sat them all down and given them a lesson in drugs, that approach wouldn't work for mine. They wouldn't co operate or get involved.

When your dc are little, it's easy to imagine them coming to you in a few years with curious questions about drugs but most teenagers (ime) won't.

The best approach I think is to bring up the subject in reference to something in the media for example with the aim to remove any taboo around talking about drugs. Remaining calm about the subject so that dc aren't afraid of broaching it with you if they need to.

Original poster
WaterOffADucksCrack · 11/04/2020 11:38

ForbiddenFromNaples at 2 or 3 grams a day which doesn't sound like much but I also worked during that time

OP posts:
Original poster
WaterOffADucksCrack · 11/04/2020 11:39

Also, I wad looking for an escape but taking the drugs was entirely my choice. I didn't mean to blame the abuse for taking drugs!

OP posts:
Shamoo · 11/04/2020 11:40

I personally have never really dabbled, other than getting stoned once in Amsterdam which was a horrible experience. But would use my brother as an example - he did a lot of “softish” drugs, but mainly pot for a long long time. He had a great social life and friendship group, but long term it drained him of all his motivation and work ethic, ruined a couple of options he had for amazing careers, and although now not doing anything more than smoking has left him very lost. So I think the discussion needs to be about short term enjoyment v short term health risk v risk of long term consequences to physical and mental health, life opportunities etc.

I would also through in what I know about the societal consequences of drugs, especially around coke etc. - although I realise that would resonate with some teenagers more than others.

Note easy.

Gatehouse77 · 11/04/2020 11:45

We have had open and frank conversations with all of ours which have mostly evolved through general discussions round the supper table.
We’d rather give them (what we consider) a balanced understanding of the why’s and wherefore’s. As we do with most topics - religion, politics, MH, etc.

melissasummerfield · 11/04/2020 11:52

I did a lot of recreational drugs in the late 90s early OOs and wouldn't tell my DC when they are older as i think that would make it acceptable for them to do it.

I honestly think it is such a different world now compared to 15ish years ago, and would be seriously scared for them if they were buying drugs off random people.

Mawbags · 11/04/2020 12:01

I won’t be telling them anything about the , acid, ket or cocaine

But will fess up about the weed. Reluctantly. But I can’t be a completely hypocritical bawbag, can I?

granadagirl · 11/04/2020 12:09

I’ve never taken any way to scared.

But recently I’ve noticed adult son is, I’ve told him I don’t like it and not to do it in the house at all.
I’ve asked why he does it(having never known how it feels) and he says
It chills him ???

If anyone as taken bud/cannabis what feeling do you get?
Is it different feeling for everyone ?
Only curious

AftonGlen · 11/04/2020 12:21

I agree there are people who appear to take drugs sensibly, but that definitely wasn't me either! I would take cocaine and ecstasy at the weekend and take valium and any other prescription pills I could get my hands on during the week to curb the effects of awful comedowns so it was just a vicious cycle.
As a pp said, the loss of potential and the waste of money...I would definitely highlight that in any discussion about drugs.
To be honest I am not sure how I would broach the subject, or if I would wait for the discussion to come up. My partner smokes weed so it will be something we will need to talk about for sure.

itbemay1 · 11/04/2020 12:24

We've told our kids as things cane up. So when DD went to first rave we said we'd both taken LSD / cocaine and how it affected us etc and we've spoken about smoking weed/cannabis. Been totally honest and both DC have told us when they've dabbled too.

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