Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be sick of "ohh there's worse off than you"

65 replies

Pushpushpoosh · 11/04/2020 00:48

I've seen so much of it lately, on here, in news, on social media etc and I'm getting abit pissed off with it all now. There will always be someone worse off but other people's struggles don't make your feelings less valid!

Of course Susan's going to be gutted about her holiday getting canceld, I would be too. She's allowed to feel like this!

Of course Emma's finding it hard having all 3 kids at home all day it's fucking difficult you're allowed to feel frazzled and stressed.

Just because someones struggle seems to you like a drop in the ocean compared to what you're going through doesn't make it any less valid. It's not a competition. AIBU?

OP posts:

Sparklesocks · 11/04/2020 00:55

I agree it’s frustrating. It tends to be the response of people who are quite black and white in their thinking and possibly don’t appreciate the nuance of the situation. There’s always going to be someone struggling more, even in normal circumstances there are people with bigger problems than you.

I agree that perspective is important, and it can help people to understand the bigger picture when faced with the fact others are worse off, but you can understand that and still be disappointed in how things are going.
Obviously tact is important, if someone has a very unwell family member and you compare it to cancelling your birthday party - that’s a different matter!

We’ve all lost things during this time and have made sacrifices to adjust. It’s perfectly fine to acknowledge that and have feelings accordingly. It doesn’t take anything away from anyone else or their issues.

Helenshielding · 11/04/2020 00:55

Yes, but I'm also sick of all the posts saying how it's ok to not be ok. They're so bloody trite!

I saw one the other day about "grieving your pregnancy" which turned out to actually just be about not getting a baby shower or pre natal classes.

AHobbyaweek · 11/04/2020 00:59

I must admit that I am struggling with my mental health at the moment and I struggled for years before thinking that "well my life is good and what do I have to complain about".
They are right someone else has it worse off. But doesn't stop my feelings and struggles meaning something to me.

OlaEliza · 11/04/2020 01:07

I saw one the other day about "grieving your pregnancy" which turned out to actually just be about not getting a baby shower or pre natal classes

Jfc, some people need to cop themselves the fuck on.

Helenshielding · 11/04/2020 01:13

That was facebook, there was a ridiculous pic to go with it 🤦‍♀️

Original poster

Pushpushpoosh · 11/04/2020 01:26

I just feel like it's not a competition, have respect for others feelings whilst dealing with your own battles 🤷

OP posts:

bettybattenburg · 11/04/2020 01:55

saw one the other day about "grieving your pregnancy" which turned out to actually just be about not getting a baby shower or pre natal classes.

Ffs that's pathetic.

mrsBtheparker · 11/04/2020 07:58

Every adverse situation seems to cause people to channel their 4 Yorkshiremen, it happens all the time.

Macncheeseballs · 11/04/2020 08:01

It's the ones who post in the first place that make it into a competition, for example, saying lockdown is worse for single people or single parents etc, it negates and minimises any kind of pain other people might be going through

Floatyboat · 11/04/2020 08:03

I see it used in response to people with a degree of narcissisism who seem to speak of their problems as uniquely burdensome/they've been wronged or that other people should care about them.

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 11/04/2020 08:03

Glad to see this thread. I was in the process of changing/upgrading my career as I'm in a job I hate, and now that's all on hold. But I feel bad about moaning when many are losing their jobs completely!

Tartan333 · 11/04/2020 08:11

I'm sick of hearing about how people who experienced WW 1 or 2 had it so much worse and all we have to do is sit on the sofa.
It's still perfectly valid to be struggling and feel scared, anxious, sad etc. We have never been in this situation before and it doesn't have to be a race to the bottom.

I have generalised anxiety disorder and have had depression in the past. All of my coping strategies involve structure, routine, getting out of the house everyday and seeing family and friends regularly. Obviously hardly any of these things are possible now so I am personally really struggling mentally even though I do appreciate the things I have in life.

Harveypuss · 11/04/2020 08:13

Yes, helenshielding - my cousin's wife put this type of thing on FB recently. The post was so sorrowful it read like she'd had a miscarriage. I almost messaged her offering my condolences but then realised the post was mourning the loss of her baby shower, pre-natal gatherings etc and all that right of passage stuff.

Whatsername177 · 11/04/2020 08:15

I have a friend on facebook who is a nurse (but not currently working) who is posting really aggressive 'all you have to do it sit on sofa' posts which are starting to really grate on me. There is no doubt that anyone who works in a hospital has it tougher than the rest of us right now. Those on the front line are owed a huge amount of gratitude, respect t and thanks. I can't do what they do. I'm a teacher. The only thing I can do is look after their kids. I'm finding that I am really struggling. Not being able to fo my job, see my parents, talk to people outside of the house. My two dds are struggling. It is hard. But when I see these aggressive posts it adds guilt to the mix. Guilt that I can't help, guilt that I'm struggling. That isnt fair. People talk about 'blitz spirit's but there is none. People aren't banding together. They just want to argue over who has it worse. It's sad.

TabbyMumz · 11/04/2020 08:22

I think its borne from the fact that so many people these days seem to be not able to cope in any situation, or need support to do the slightest thing they should be able to do themselves. I'm thinking it might not be that there are more of these people about, just that more people put it up on social media,especially fb, so people see it more.
Whereas people didnt talk much about mental health before, fb seems to be a forum for it now. People are more able to talk about it, then other people who feel worse off than them, get annoyed.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/04/2020 08:26

Yeah, it's getting on my nerves too. We're allowed to feel however we want to feel about the whole situation. It's like you're not allowed to say you're feeling down about anything without being told "but people are DYING."

TabbyMumz · 11/04/2020 08:26

"People aren't banding together. They just want to argue over who has it worse. It's sad."
We dont live the same lives they did in the blitz. In those days, most women were at home, so they knew people in their street. I noticed a street website, the title of which was all about covid19 and helping each other out. All people do on there is talk about the clap and whose music is louder. Its turned into a bullying site.

Kannet · 11/04/2020 08:28

I know two people who have had to cancel their weddings and three who have had to cancel big "lifetime" holidays. I'm absolutely gutted for them, it's a horrible thing to happen. No they aren't dying but it's a horrible situation to be in

User202004 · 11/04/2020 08:29

Yes. My mum says this to try to make me feel better, when has it actually helped someone to tell them there are worse off sometimes people just need to wallow, there is always someone worse off than you but I just can't use someone else's pain to cheer myself up, how is it meant to help?!

DrierThanANunsNasty · 11/04/2020 08:32

Don’t see the point in this post OP, there’s someone worse off than you so why you whinging

Kidding of course. This is actually one of my biggest pet hates. I KNOW there are people worse off than me and I should count my blessings, blah blah blah, but sometimes I just WANT TO MOAN.

Lllot5 · 11/04/2020 08:33

It’s said to help people to put things in perspective. I agree it almost becomes a competition to see who can be the most stoic.
But it is actually true not just now but always. Keep buggering on.

kerrymucklowe2020 · 11/04/2020 08:35

"Every adverse situation seems to cause people to channel their 4 Yorkshiremen, it happens all the time."

Pardon???!!!!

MushroomTree · 11/04/2020 08:36

I hate this. It's all relative. The worst ever day in your life could be a pretty good day in someone else's. You're still allowed to be upset, angry, or whatever else about it.

If you're already feeling bad then being told "but there's children being killed in X country" or "at least you're not starving on the streets" or whatever other nonsense people spout isn't helpful at all.

As pp said, how is someone else's misery meant to cheer you up?

hippoherostandinghere · 11/04/2020 08:37

I hate this. People are allowed to feel what they feel. Yes, there will always be someone worse...and? It shouldn't take away from what you are feeling. My dad does this all the time, you'll be moaning about something insignificant and he'll always roll out the well at least you're not starving in Africa speech. Which then winds you up even more.

Goatinthegarden · 11/04/2020 08:39

I’m on the fence with this...whilst I don’t believe that one persons misery has monopoly over another person’s misery; I do think that we need to try and see positives and be grateful. I’m bored senseless, I should be on a holiday abroad, my DF has terminal cancer and I can’t visit him, I miss friends and family, I’m scared I might catch Covid working in a hub school, I miss my pupils and am worried about many of them....but my friends and family are currently safe and (mostly) well, I have a comfortable house, I’m being paid, I have a lovely DH, I’m able to exercise and eat well.

Its great to acknowledge negative feelings, but we must also be careful not to allow ourselves to be completely overcome by them.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread