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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Will the baby be ok sharing our bedroom?

55 replies

NMRJC20 · 10/04/2020 21:24

I’m just looking for advice. My partner and I had recently managed to by a one bedroom flat and then found out I was pregnant (I wasn’t supposed to be able to conceive so overjoyed but unexpected!) we live in London and this is where my partners business is and all of our support systems are so moving too far away isn’t really possible. We are looking to move to Kent.

we have two choices; move very shortly and I must return to work shortly to do this (our son is now 5 months old) or stay put in our one bedroom flat with our son sharing our bedroom in his own cotbed and I can take an extra year off to be at home with him.

I’m a teacher so returning to work would be in September 2021 when he would be 23 months old. But he would share a bedroom with us until he was 23 months old. He’s likely to be our only child due to my issues conceiving. I don’t want to miss raising him to work unnecessarily but worry him sharing our bedroom for nearly 2 years may be unhealthy and unfair on him. We could afford to move when I return to work but not before then. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this?

Thank you so much for your time :-)

OP posts:

Postspecific · 10/04/2020 21:26

I would definitely prioritise being able to be at home with him regardless of the home. He won’t give a crap where he is if he’s with you.

And I’ve got a large house and I can’t keep my kids out of my bed.

Missmummy88 · 10/04/2020 21:28

My baby had a room but chose to sleep in ours until 3.. 3years that is. He loved being close to us. Eventually we persuaded him otherwise and he has settled nicely into his own room now. I bet a lot of little ones would rather be cosy in a room with mum and dad than alone.

MynameisJune · 10/04/2020 21:28

DD1 shared our room until she was 2 even though she had her own room. You’ve got loads of time to move, she’s 4 now and still comes into our bed most nights.

rottiemum88 · 10/04/2020 21:29

I’ve got a large house and I can’t keep my kids out of my bed.

^This. DS is nearly 15 months and no chance of being in his own room anytime soon 😩

OneEpisode · 10/04/2020 21:30

Sleeping in your bedroom is fine. I might appreciate day time space. Sometimes I even want space away from my partner. That age is close the peak bulky toys too.

Abbccc · 10/04/2020 21:30

It' perfectly normal to share a bedroom with other people. Throughout most of history and in many homes these days families all sleep together. It's not unfair at all.

Megan2018 · 10/04/2020 21:31

We’ve got plenty of bedrooms but my 7 month old in with me as we co-sleep and I think she’ll be here well in to toddler years.
It’s no harm to a 2 year old, 12 is another matter but certainly pre-school is fine.

Connie222 · 10/04/2020 21:31

I couldn’t get either of my children out of my room until they were over 3 despite having their own rooms!

Stay at home with him instead of moving.

ThusSpoke · 10/04/2020 21:33

We’ve got plenty of bedrooms but DS still sleeps in bed with me. He’s just turned 3.

Original poster

NMRJC20 · 10/04/2020 21:34

Thank you for saying that, that’s reassuring, I’m hoping as he would be 2 and under he would be ok but the NSPCC has got guidelines strictly against it that really worried me! I’m not sure if it will help matters but our living room is luckily a fair size so he does have a nursery area which is all his things and his space as we’ve halved the room (sadly can’t put in a partition due to the window positioning!) I just desperately don’t want to miss out on his early years. I’m absolutely loving motherhood and knowing it’s my one chance at it I really don’t want to miss out. However I definitely don’t want to put my selfish wants over his needs!!!!

OP posts:

Sindragosan · 10/04/2020 21:34

Having a cot beside your bed makes night feeding much easier and saves wandering about in the cold at night, so not unreasonable having them beside you.

MarchSurprise · 10/04/2020 21:35

Ditto the rest of posters, been at home is the most important thing and they'll be happy in with you for a couple of years yet. We moved from a one bed to a three bed just before our baby arrived and he's still in with us over a year later.

drunkyhumptydumpty · 10/04/2020 21:36

The NSPCC need to explain their guidelines to the kids not the adults 😳

You've got years in that flat.
Keep the corned in your room if you can as long as possible. He could be there until 3ish.

Then you could get a pull out couch and you both move to the living room and he can have the bedroom.

majesticallyawkward · 10/04/2020 21:37

Another one who can't get them out of my bed even with bedrooms for them! Dd is nearly 5 and still climbs in with me often but happily coslept until she was 3. 5 month old is cosleeping now and I don't see that stopping any time soon... I don't make babies that sleep well or alone.

In lots of cultures it's the norm for bed sharing or family sleeping areas. Spend the time with your son and don't worry about it as long as you are happy.

Original poster

NMRJC20 · 10/04/2020 21:37

Wow, so many kind responses, thank you all! You’ve no idea how relieved you’ve made me feel- the thought of leaving him full time so young was so upsetting, I’ve honestly been losing sleep over it. Thank you very much indeed!

OP posts:

mynamesmrdiggety · 10/04/2020 21:38

My baby is 15 months and has slept in my bed since the day he was born. My daughter slept in her cot in her room from six months but only because she had a room. You will be fine in a one bed for a few years yet.

Longsleepneeded · 10/04/2020 21:39

I do slept till ds was about 18 months old, then he got his own room but still comes into our bed at 3! I love him snuggling up to me. Stay at home and enjoy the early years, they change and grow so quickly.

Hermie12 · 10/04/2020 21:40

We were in a 1 bedroom house I’d owned for years when we moved back to UK from overseas with our DD. By the time we were in a position to buy a larger house dd was 2 1/2. It was a bit cosy and had it’s tricky moments but overall we were glad we did that as gave us the finances to fund our long term home. I’d say it’s fine if it’s part of a long term picture

Permenantlyexhaustedpidgeon · 10/04/2020 21:40

Ds is 8 and snoring beside me now. I sometimes goto his room for some peace as he’s never in it himself! Definitely prioritise being a home with your baby a bit longer, he won’t care at all where he sleeps so long as you are nearby.

howmuchfood · 10/04/2020 21:43

This is totally fine. I know plenty of people still sharing a bed or room with their 3 and 4 year olds

Vgbeat · 10/04/2020 21:45

My daughter was in our room until she was 2 although she had her own. She is our only one and I made the decision to make little money but work from home and enjoy her being little and it was the best decision I made.

Lizadork · 10/04/2020 21:46

I mirror everyone else - kids want to be with you, snug and cosy every night for years to come. Ignore whatever NSPCA say. Follow your instincts. Most natural thing in the world for baby to sleep either with you or very near you. And once you get talking to others, you'll realise how common it is.

givemeacall · 10/04/2020 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redwinefine · 10/04/2020 21:47

It's very much up to you. I do know someone who shares her 2 year old son's bedroom - as in it's HIS bedroom but she sleeps in the bed with him and her husband sleeps on the floor. To them it's normal and works. It's up to what works for you and your husband.

Sushiroller · 10/04/2020 21:52

One room is fine when the baby is small.

Don't stress and enjoy your pregnancy.

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