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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Will the baby be ok sharing our bedroom?

55 replies

NMRJC20 · 10/04/2020 21:24

I’m just looking for advice. My partner and I had recently managed to by a one bedroom flat and then found out I was pregnant (I wasn’t supposed to be able to conceive so overjoyed but unexpected!) we live in London and this is where my partners business is and all of our support systems are so moving too far away isn’t really possible. We are looking to move to Kent.

we have two choices; move very shortly and I must return to work shortly to do this (our son is now 5 months old) or stay put in our one bedroom flat with our son sharing our bedroom in his own cotbed and I can take an extra year off to be at home with him.

I’m a teacher so returning to work would be in September 2021 when he would be 23 months old. But he would share a bedroom with us until he was 23 months old. He’s likely to be our only child due to my issues conceiving. I don’t want to miss raising him to work unnecessarily but worry him sharing our bedroom for nearly 2 years may be unhealthy and unfair on him. We could afford to move when I return to work but not before then. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this?

Thank you so much for your time :-)

OP posts:

wonderstuff · 10/04/2020 21:52

Our daughter shared our room in a one bed flat until she was 2, she was fine, shes 12 now and no lasting damage seems to have been done. The last recession hit just as we were going to sell. We finally moved when I unexpectedly conceived dc2.
By the time she hit 18 mo or so it did start feeling a bit cramped.

Ilariayaya · 10/04/2020 21:55

Trust your instinct and don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for wanting to be close to your baby, OP! It's the best for them and you feel that way for a reason Have you read Why love matters? Or Science of Parenting? Lots of books out there that specifically say it's good for children to sleep close to their parents for the first few years. Honestly don't worry at all Soak it all in!

Zombiemum1946 · 10/04/2020 22:05

Both of mine were easier to share with than dh. It'll be fine I preferred it. Dd was a never ending source of vomit and snot so less distance to run for the sick bowl, towel and tissues.

Iamtryingtobenicehere · 10/04/2020 22:06

A million years ago when I was a child, I shared a bedroom with my parents until I was 6!

We lived in London so moving really wasn’t an option.

I don’t remember it being weird or ever being disturbed by my parents. I remember a very happy childhood. I’m sure your little boy will be fine in with you.

Samtsirch · 10/04/2020 22:07

Exactly what @Postspecific says.
My children each had their own bedroom but chose to become bedtime squatters in my ( smaller and much less comfortable) bedroom until they were about 3 !
Spend the time with your son, you won’t regret it, and neither will he. 🙂

AddressLabel · 10/04/2020 22:08

My son is 18 months old and still co-sleeps. I can't imagine that will change for a couple of years yet. For a start he doesn't have his own bed (he had a cot etc but I sold them as he never used them) and his "bedroom" has a normal single bed in it for visitors now (not that we are allowed any at the moment).

Shinygreenelephant · 10/04/2020 22:08

He will be absolutley fine sharing a room. We have a big house with plenty of room and at least one of our 4 kids is in our bed at some point every night. Just buy a big bed and enjoy the cuddles!

EasterIssland · 10/04/2020 22:11

I bed share a bed in my sons room and hes2yo. If it’s ok with you then no problem by doing it. We as adults love sleeping by the peopke that make us feel safe so kids are the same

NoRoomInBed · 10/04/2020 22:12

I shared my room with clingy DS untill he was 2 hes now in his own room no problems. Stay home they are not little for long.

WYP2018 · 10/04/2020 22:20

My 3 year old doesn’t have a bedroom, her cotbed is next to our bed with the side down. She sleeps in our bed though 🙄 It’s been fine, I’d like to move now and was close to putting the house on the market but I guess that will have to wait now.

covidconundrum · 10/04/2020 22:21

I'm a teacher and would definitely prioritise time with your child. Teaching is super demanding and I found it tough and that I was spread to thinly even part time.

Shmithecat2 · 10/04/2020 22:23

My 4.6yo is in with us most nights still, we coslept full time until about 6 months ago.

AmelieTaylor · 10/04/2020 22:25

Just in case you need to hear it again...stay home,he'll be perfectly fine in your room, just saves the pretence that he'll sleep elsewhere 🤣

He can stay in your room well past 3.

Wynston · 10/04/2020 22:25

I have 2 dc and we have a 2bed house we currently have ours on the market in the hope to buy a 3bed.......when I wake up in the morning and everyone is in my bed I often wonder why im bothering!!
Enjoy youre dc.......do what is right for you and you're family.

MrsSeverusSnape · 10/04/2020 22:26

Our daughter is 3 next month (wow that crept up on me) and her cotbed is still sidecar sidecarred onto our bed. She could be over the hall sharing with her brother, he would genuinely love that, but she clambers into bed with us most nights. Your child will have a lifetime to sleep in their own room. They're only little once, prioritise time at home with them if you can.

BrooHaHa · 10/04/2020 22:29

I think the NSPCC guidelines are referring to older children.

Crazyoldmaurice · 10/04/2020 22:52

Imagine how you'll feel leaving him to go back to work early so you can buy a bigger place and when you get to your bigger place he refuses to sleep in his own bedroom anyway 🤷‍♀️

I sleep sandwiched inbetween a 4.5 and a 2.5 year old currently (baby 3 due now) and I wouldnt have had it any other way.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 10/04/2020 23:05

My dd slept in our bedroom until she was 18 months old. I really missed her when she went next door!

Embracelife · 10/04/2020 23:11

If course it is fine. Many london families do this.
Where does nspcc say that? All they say is

It's important you and your child both have some privacy and space for yourselves so we wouldn't recommend children sharing a room with a parent long-term.

Long term could mean til 8 9 10
For small child and due to circumstances dont fret

Saracen · 11/04/2020 00:50

It's totally normal and fine.

My eldest was in with us until 4.5 years old and the younger one until 6yo.

Coconut0il · 11/04/2020 00:54

DS2 is 4 and is fast asleep next to me now, wouldn't want it any other way.

Scissorsnglue · 11/04/2020 00:54

Well I've had a child with his own bedroom who still shared with me till past 3 - despite starting off in his own bed every night!

doctorboo · 11/04/2020 03:46

I’m currently laid next to my youngest (4, almost 5) in his bed after he came into my room at 03:30 asking for cuddles.

MaryShelley1818 · 11/04/2020 05:13

My 2yr 4mth DS is still in my bed permanently and has been since he was born! He has a room that Daddy is relegated to.

Purpleartichoke · 11/04/2020 05:30

I personally believe that room sharing is best for you and baby anyway. He really doesn’t need his own room yet.

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