To not tell my aunt that DD shares her name?

[Dabdabdabdab]

Sorry, this is extremely convoluted. Also, NC as it's a bit identifying.

I've just realised my DD has the same first and middle name as my aunt. My aunt doesn't know this and I haven't told her, because DD is not named after her. She only knows my baby is named after her mother (my grandmother.) I don't know whether to tell my aunt as I don't know whether she would think it was a nice thing or slightly offensive.

Let's pretend my DDs name is Maria Georgina. Maria is after my grandmother (auntie's mum). Aunt is called Georgina, which also happens to be the feminine version of my DHs father's name, George. (In his culture, people name their children after their parents.) Aunt lives in another country and has never met DD. However, we keep in contact over email and meet up maybe every five years or so. Nobody in my family has a particularly good relationship with my aunt and her behaviour can be difficult sometimes, but I like being in touch with her as I don't have many relatives.

Aunt has just told me in her last email that her full name is actually Maria Georgina, i.e. that she shares a first name with her mother. (It's normal for people from my country to be called by their middle name instead of their first.) Aunty told me this because she knows my baby is called Maria and I guess she's happy that they share this in common. She doesn't know they share the exact same two names.

Aunt has no children or close family and I think our relationship (scant though it is) means a lot to her. I don't know if I should tell her "oh, incidentally, DD is called the same thing as you because of DH's dad". Or is it slightly offensive to have called her this even though this is my aunt's name and she isn't named after her? (I didn't really want to do this, for this reason, but it was important to DH to honour his dad.)

AHA. I knew I was missing something.

For some reason I thought Auntie G had shared this info over the phone, and OP, having not said anything at the time, was now thinking of returning to the topic to dramatically / sheepishly announce her daughter's middle name along with caveats and explanations.

Since it's an email, just do what everyone else said and just say "oh how funny! etc."

Quim she says otherwise though. It's quite confusing!

OP at 11:31:

*As she has only just told you her middle name she can hardly be surprised

Yeah but I didn't tell her they share any name at all*

We had a similar situation OP. We named our daughter a random name because we liked it. We later found out that the name was actually the baptismal name of one of DH’s aunts. Nobody ever used the name, her sister (my MIL) had actually forgotten about it, but it was her ‘official’ name on all legal paperwork. The aunt was delighted and thought we had named DD for her. It was a little irritating as if we had chosen to call our DD after a relative it wouldn’t have been her (she was not a nice person) but we never corrected her.

Struggling to see why any of this matters tbh.

I don't think it matters. It's good that you keep in touch with your aunt. She's told you her name is, 'Maria Georgina', but if you felt like it you could say, "What a coincidence! That's what I named my daughter", and explain how you got to both names which is interesting to family. If auntie is pleased about it, that's no bad thing surely but there are more important issues in life.

Beautiful name btw, you made a good choice.

If she knows the baby is named after her grandmother then surely she already knows your daughter shares her name as presumable she knows the name of her own mother

I see no problem at all with letting her know. The exception might be if she comes from a tradition (e.g. Jewish) where, you name children after deceased relatives, and naming them after a living relative could give the impression that you expect, or even wish, them to die. But if this were so, then it would be just as problematic to give your daughter the same first name. Otherwise, I would expect your aunt to be delighted, rather than the reverse.

I'd tell her now. If she is happy great, if not, so what. You didn't even know your aunt's middle name so how could this be any kind of decision on your part? I don't know any of my aunt or uncle's middle names.

But i do know in my family my cousin and aunt share a name (and the cousin's son is named after her granddad) and my dad and cousin share a name. It's very normal to keep names in the family.

My middle name is after my mums great aunt, who was like a grandmother to her. It also happens to be the name of my paternal grandmother, who declared herself delighted that I’d been named after her. Mum was happy to let her think what she liked, it didn’t really matter. Mum was happy and gran was happy.

What a lot of angst you’re puting yourself through over this OP. Is it really worth the brain power?

I wouldn't bring it up, I doubt most of my aunts know my children's middle names.

thank gawd for that OP.. I thought it was something serious

My son’s middle name is the same as my Dad’s middle name, on purpose. When I told Dad what it was he said “Oh, that’s the same as mine!” like it was a coincidence. Also he keeps forgetting, so every time he finds out what it is again he does the same thing.

Apologies @raviolidreaming I missed that, that is confusing!

This is NOT a problem! Your child may inherit from aunt! Because of the name. Of course tell her!

Is your daughter known by her first name & your Aunt by her middle name?

So even though your daughter's middle name was chosen because of FIL, you knew that your daughter's middle name was the same as what you thought your Aunt's first name was?

I'd just tell her in a "what a coincidence" way as pps have said.

yeah but I didn't tell her they share a name at all

So she doesn't know your DDs name?

I think this is the biggest non-issue I've ever read on here.

Tell her - don't need to be convoluted about it. She was known as Georgina - massive coincidence .. blahblah.

It's a nice thing - doesn't need to be qualified.

Yeah but I didn't tell her they share any name at all

CORRECTION

Aaargh. I was trying to write this breastfeeding a wriggly baby. Apologies!!!

That was supposed to say I didn't NOT tell her... Which is a really bad way to express myself. But as the OP states (or it should do, at least):

aunty knows my baby as just Maria

For those of you who don't understand the dilemma... You haven't met my family. Some of them would win the Olympics in holding a grudge about things that wouldn't even register with others. But I take your point.

@diddl has it, more or less.

I Think just continue as you are. Don't mention it and don't worry about it

Well I think it is lovely your Aunt will too why would she be upset ? We have 4 generations of the same name running through our family

you don't need to announce to her your daughter's middle name out of nowhere along with a "but not after you" caveat. Why would you? It's not like it'll come up. If she for some reason ever asks, you can say "funnily enough it's Georgina, after Stan's dad George. Same as yours! What a coincidence, we didn't even know at the time".

This isn't quite right because aunty is known by her middle name, which I always thought was her first name. Just to clarify:

Aunty is Maria Georgina known as Georgina. I never knew she was called Maria as well.

DD is Maria Georgina, known as Maria. Of course I already knew that my DD shared her middle name with aunty, but I didn't think it was such a big deal. Who cares about middle names?

Now aunty has told me what her full name is. This means they share two names. This would be weird to keep quiet about. So I'll tell her.

But yes, it was the "but not after you" part I was worried would cause some offense.

I think you've made it slightly weird now by not saying something when it first came up.

Now I would also suggest you move on and forget about it. It's a non-issue. If it ever comes up again naturally say something then.

I think you've made it slightly weird now by not saying something when it first came up.

It was in an email she sent a couple of days ago and we don't email each other that often so I think I could just mention it when I email her back.