I can hear domestic abuse through my walls.

[caradelvigna]

My neighbour is in an abusive relationship. The man who lives there has threatened to kill her and I had to dial 999. They live in flats attached to our house so lots of people coming in and out. The way the flats are set up I can't pinpoint where it's coming from. I wish I could identify her and offer her my support. I'm sick of listening to it and feeling helpless and worrying about her wellbeing. I don't know what else I can do. It's a huge trigger for me having been in an abusive relationship myself. It makes me feel sick and panicky. I report it to 101 when I hear him screaming at her and if I ever hear threats again I will call 999 again. I'm going to report to adult social services tomorrow.

AIBU to ask how I cope with this? I know that sounds incredibly selfish, however I am trying my best to help her by reporting my concerns. I just feel like I am reliving my past abuse and it's starting to get to me. It must be awful for her to be self isolating with him.

If there are any other ways I can help her please let me know however I sadly don't feel that there are.

Keep calling the police, it's the best thing you can do. Well done for noticing and acting. It makes a difference.

Yes, keep calling the police.

Yes, keep calling the police. I wish someone had called when it was my mum.

I remember wishing someone had called the police when I was being abused. So many people must have heard it

Well done for calling 999, OP.

I know i would if it was persistent, and i heard it 3 times, then i'm more sure than not, this lady is abused.
clearly you've heard it many times, i'll report it with a heartbeat. Poor thing. I feel angry just reading, let alone hearing anything

Please record for evidence

Absolutely right to call police OP, but adult social care won't have a role unless she's exceptionally vulnerable eg elderly, disabled, SEN etc

It wasn't tonight I called 999. I called 101 tonight because he wasn't threatening her. Just shouting. They said it was the right thing and they're sending someone round anyway. Awful. Poor woman.

You’ve done everything you can do.
It’s not your fault. Keep calling. I’m sorry about what you have experienced.

@dontstandsoclosetome she could be any of those things. I've never seen her before. For all I know they could be mother and son!

Ongoing domestic-999 op. 101 can take a while to get thru.

I would call 999 every time. I have in the past and would do again.

I know we shouldn’t leave home, but in this case, if I could hear it going on, I’d be tempted to go into the communal area of the flats to listen out for where the abuse is happening.

Well done and thank you for being concerned and reporting it. More people need to speak up when they see / hear / suspect abuse.

Could you put a note through the door under the pretence of offering help with shopping with your number on maybe? Just a thought. Poor woman and poor you too. It’s massive difficult to listen to this kind of thing even if you dont have a past

And also it is a long shot but,give your details to the police and say to pass them on to the victim and say you're there if she needs somewhere to escape to. Its up to her if she would utilise it.

I always get through to 101 immediately. The police told me themselves that 101 is correct when you don't feel there's immediate danger. Call back on 999 if you think there is or it escalates. It's every night at the moment. It's affecting my mental health. I worry for the poor woman.

For folk like me who wish folk had phoned- thank you OP x

They're not those kind of flats. Old Victorian building turned in to flats. There's no communal area that I can see. I definitely wouldn't be comfortable entering there myself and am self isolating at home with a 17 month old. I know the police in our area are fantastic at dealing with domestic abuse

Doreen I have been there too x

I saw that. I hope life is better for you now

How upsetting to hear this every night, it must be raising your stress levels and distress. That's not to minimise what that poor person is going through, just to recognise that it is very distressing hearing another person's distress, that's a well-known part of trauma. Well done for reporting so consistently, you are doing the right thing.

Do you ever see her alone op? Or does he go out and you could post a note? Train companies have announced free travel to those needing to escape DV...maybe the police could tell her on the quiet? Ask them do they know about the scheme.. Prompt them to suggest it's there!

@windyatthebeach I have no ideawhat she looks like. There are 7 flats. Some 2/3 bedroom. So around 20-25 people going in and out. She could be any of them