Anyone finding this point in lockdown a total headfuck?

[Aryaneedle]

DP (not the DC’s dad) is partially frontline NHS (chief nurse team) and has changed his working pattern to 4 long shifts a week and is knackered and tense. He is in bed by 9pm latest and my 3 dcs (8, 12 and 16) are having to basically be very quiet so they do not disturb him.

I am a FT social worker (children’s) who is wfh, and is still doing my statutory home visits and school visits but all my assessments and direct work and a daily team meeting on Skype at home.

DS2 is un diagnosed SEN (ASC most likely and extreme anxiety) does zero school work and is sat next to me singing lady gaga. DS1 is missing his gf and his band and generally being a moody bastard. But rightly so. DD who is 8, is lovely but asks 299 questions a day and pretends to be a horse constantly. My ex is an abusive arsehole who refuses to do anything that might make my life easier so has them when it suits, mainly on a Sunday night.

I am also recovering from a virus that I got on 13 March that flew through 4 of us and I can’t walk up the stairs without gasping for air. My dad has cancer, is severely asthmatic. I just keep veering from thinking ‘If this is my life until September something has to give’ to ‘You are alive and you are lucky’?

AIBU and the only one to think lockdown is messing with my mind? I am usually a copper and get on with stuff but I must admit, I am losing it a bit today. What are you worrying about? Please offload so I feel less bloody alone.

*A coper NOT a copper (no thanks!)

I currently have lost all my SE work, at home with a dh, 6 dc and 4 ddogs including a dpuppy of 5 months old..
Have contemplated faking symptoms and finding somewhere to self isolate...
*half joking..
Ds16 is love sick for his gf. Ds 18 is home from army camp.. 1ds is 11 and hormonal and 2 are teenage girls. 5 year old is mostly OK.
Swap you lives op...

I was going to say YANBU on your title alone but I think you have it much tougher than me! So sorry to hear you have been poorly, and about your dad’s illness, and you rubbish ex.

I am so anxious and bored now. I have a weird urge to run down the street screaming. Or to break into the lido for a swim. Because I know I can’t. I want to hug my dad, sisters and friends, I miss them.

I’m not sure if it is MORE of a heads fuck now than at the start. But I really find I am very up and down.

... I'm sorry OP sounds like you are having a terrible time... If it helps most of my friends are having low days in this..luckily we aren't having them at same time... .juggling full time work with home schooling is a hard combination even without the rest.. .. Can you spend the Easter weekend doing very little... Think you would feel better with more sleep!

Windy that would be a good TV show wouldn’t it? Like ‘Wife Swap’ but lockdown swap.

Part of me is desperate not to work (especially as my CP cases are getting to the point that someone is going hurt someone beyond normal and I am constantly worrying about a particular baby) but I am so lucky that we do not have to worry about money.

driving and happy it is so hard because someone, somewhere always has it tougher don’t they? Someone is currently trying intubation on someone whose windpipe isn’t playing ball. Someone is saying goodbye to a loved one on a phone because they can’t see them. So I feel so irritated with myself but also realising that I can only feel how I feel. It’s so odd on the mind!

It is odd. I've got nothing to complain about. So far. Who knows what next week will bring.
Jobs up in the air. Ds2 missing his gf and pals like mad. Am missing ds1 and just hoping he's OK.
Am bored rigid. And terrified. And beyond anxious. And terrified. And plodding on. And feeling lost and alone. But here and grateful. But terrified.

for everyone.

Just wanted to say thank you so much for continuing to do the work you’re doing through vv difficult home circumstances, thank you for caring for and protecting that baby.

to you all feeling very low today.
My dd 11 said where are you going when I put on hoodie and I broke his wee heart by saying I'm driving to beach to get caught out and go to prison but this virus is so damaging on mental health.
I had asked dd1 16 not to spend all day in bedroom on phone and Netflix so she decided she would run away but actually only went to doorstep and kept texting threatening shes had enough.
I know I should not have kept text back but I knew at least if I text she would be ok so I kept answering with an x but she said I was driving her mad.
She gets up at 12 has lunch and breakfast nearly on top of each other. Has a shower takes about 2 hours in shower and bedroom drying hair
Then asks what's for dinner she does help cook and enjoys it but wanted to go then watch Netflix at 5 with bf in separate houses.
She had a complete meltdown when I said if you going to bedroom now you can get Up around 6am that 12 hours in bedroom a day was long enough I was joking about the 6am wake up.
I'm ranting now cause I'm getting depressed.

Can your children be in school if you're both keyworkers?

I get you OP.
We are all walking down a road together, not knowing where the potholes and turns are, not knowing what the destination is or where we will get there - the only thing we know is that it’s probably going to be shit and there’s no way back. How shit and for whom is still unknown too.
Don’t care who you are, where you are, what you do, what your general circumstances are - at some point or another the situation is going to have some effect on your mental health and general mood.

And when it does we should be allowed to ride it out without feeling guilty that someone has it worse. That sort of minimising and dismissing of feelings is not healthy.

Andi rant away. That’s why I started the thread. It isn’t a competition, just a recognition that this might be crunch point. I am getting loads of missing from home and care assessments to do. Young people are struggling.

Hill thank you. That’s exactly what I wanted to convey but I did it much more clumsily.

This is a bumpy ride for everyone and degrees of shitness do matter BUT it is still shit for a lot of people. Thank you for being better at words

Beamer there are children’s social workers around the country who, I am not over blowing this, will be more worried than they have ever been in their life.

I can not comprehend what life will look like at the moment for some of the children on my caseload.

I feel you OP. I feel so guilty for finding this lockdown hard when people are putting their lives on the line in frontline jobs or dying in intensive care.

But I'm at home with my 3 month old DD and feeling so trapped by every day being the same . She is lovely but it is hard work and I miss getting out and speaking to other adults, even in passing. DH is wfh but is very busy so we don't speak much during the day. I spent a large chunk of last year in bed with hyperemesis and this just isn't what I imagined.

You got 'a virus'? Do you not think you got the virus?

In your position, I’d be tempted to give the “pretending to be a horse” a try for a bit. Or a cat, or other animal of your choosing. Can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

YANBU by the way.

Aryaneedle my best friend is a child protection social worker and she’s having an awful time of it at the moment too. Heartbreaking.

💐 to everyone. My little girl is nearly 9 weeks old. The lockdown started just as I could drive again after a caesarean and I suspect will end just as I go back to work in June. It doesn't mean I'm not super grateful for all the keyworkers. Just sad I haven't been able to leave the house properly and enjoy this time.

Mancheese who knows? We haven’t been tested so no idea.

Shallow I had 40 week HG with all 3 pg. it’s a lot like lockdown. I feel for those with young babies. The pressures are massive.

Starry yes, pretending I’m a horse is tempting. Especially after wine She keeps shouting ‘run free Star’ her imaginary horses name.

Ive got a 16 year old dd at home...if she wants to get up at midday..so what....I also dont care if she spends hours on Netflix....dont sweat the small stuff...life is hard enough at the moment.

Be kind to yourself OP, it sounds as though you have a lot on your plate.

In your position, I’d be tempted to give the “pretending to be a horse” a try for a bit. Or a cat, or other animal of your choosing. Can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Now that is tempting. 😇

It's not knowing when the lockdown will end that is crushing me. I read something in the Guardian today that mentioned another 8 weeks minimum and I just stared at the article in total incomprehension. I can't imagine managing another 2 months like this.

I feel guilty for moaning. I'm extremely fortunate to have a well paid, flexible job and can WFH albeit with two young children which makes it tricky. I own my property and my mortgage has gone down due to the base rate change. Some kind of virus, perhaps the virus, swept through our family two weeks ago. Both DC are now fully recovered and I'm 90% of the way there. I'm lucky and I'm grateful.

But I'm so, so weary. The unrelenting Groundhog Day that unfolds each day: DC up at 6.30am, fighting over everything, restricting screen time, trying to put together healthy meals, dealing with work calls and e-mails. Having to deal with 'D'P still living here (we are no longer together and basically co-parent but he is a shit parent and it would be so much easier if he wasn't here), accepting I probably won't be able to sell and move with DC this year as I planned pre lockdown. First world problems all. But it's shit.

“I can not comprehend what life will look like at the moment for some of the children on my caseload.”
:(