Anyone finding this point in lockdown a total headfuck?

[Aryaneedle]

DP (not the DC’s dad) is partially frontline NHS (chief nurse team) and has changed his working pattern to 4 long shifts a week and is knackered and tense. He is in bed by 9pm latest and my 3 dcs (8, 12 and 16) are having to basically be very quiet so they do not disturb him.

I am a FT social worker (children’s) who is wfh, and is still doing my statutory home visits and school visits but all my assessments and direct work and a daily team meeting on Skype at home.

DS2 is un diagnosed SEN (ASC most likely and extreme anxiety) does zero school work and is sat next to me singing lady gaga. DS1 is missing his gf and his band and generally being a moody bastard. But rightly so. DD who is 8, is lovely but asks 299 questions a day and pretends to be a horse constantly. My ex is an abusive arsehole who refuses to do anything that might make my life easier so has them when it suits, mainly on a Sunday night.

I am also recovering from a virus that I got on 13 March that flew through 4 of us and I can’t walk up the stairs without gasping for air. My dad has cancer, is severely asthmatic. I just keep veering from thinking ‘If this is my life until September something has to give’ to ‘You are alive and you are lucky’?

AIBU and the only one to think lockdown is messing with my mind? I am usually a copper and get on with stuff but I must admit, I am losing it a bit today. What are you worrying about? Please offload so I feel less bloody alone.

OP, it sounds like you (and everyone else) are doing brilliantly. Well done on getting this far!! My breakdown was a week and a half ago when I sobbed "I'm just so shit at this" into my DH.

I think we all have different breaking points, and then we pick ourselves up and carry on. Cos we can do this. 👊

I hate it. Terribly scared we are going to see some sort of Gestapo come from this.

I live in a beautiful place with a garden and near family that I can shout at through windows. WFH is tough with my 9 yr old DD around but not impossible. However my boyfriend of 8 months is no longer visitable and he is having a huge struggle with his mental health. I feel unable to help properly and quite concerned that if it gets much worse he’ll be a danger to himself. We can’t combine households (not in a relationship long enough and it wouldn’t be fair on my DD) so I can only offer phone/video support and hope he makes it in one piece.

I get you op. I am home on mat leave with a five month old and a 2 year old. I feel like I'm constantly ignoring one to sort out the other, and neither is getting what they need from me. We have a tiny garden, which we're battling to make safe and useable. The 2 year old misses his grandparents too, and I'm so worried about them, but they live 40 minutes away. The other day I was showing him some old pictures of my mum and dad and he ended up just sat there crying 'nanny, grandad', and I just thought, I know kiddo, I miss them too. So we both sat and had a little cry together, it broke my heart. At the end of some days I'm going to bed just dreading more of the same the next day. It feels relentless and unending, and I sorely need a break. At the same time there are moments of absolute joy. Ds is currently playing with a spider dh made him out of a potato, and its the best toy hes ever had. We just need more joy, less tantrums, and probably lower expectations.

I had food poisoning which last 3 weeks starting at February half term - I was effectively in self isolation because I was scared of passing it on to people. And just as I started to recover, we went into lockdown. I want to GO OUT!!! I got a lovely velvet coat for Xmas which it was too wet to wear in January and February and is now to hot to wear. Petty I know.

I’m also trying to WFH while homeschooling 5 year old DS, who the school SENCO was planning to reassess for ADHD in April or May and who isn’t interested in work AT ALL.... but I’m trying to feel positive because so far we aren’t ill, we have food and no job worries yet, and we have a garden. We also have started a WhatsApp group for our little street and everyone is being very neighbourly.