Anyone finding this point in lockdown a total headfuck?

[Aryaneedle]

DP (not the DC’s dad) is partially frontline NHS (chief nurse team) and has changed his working pattern to 4 long shifts a week and is knackered and tense. He is in bed by 9pm latest and my 3 dcs (8, 12 and 16) are having to basically be very quiet so they do not disturb him.

I am a FT social worker (children’s) who is wfh, and is still doing my statutory home visits and school visits but all my assessments and direct work and a daily team meeting on Skype at home.

DS2 is un diagnosed SEN (ASC most likely and extreme anxiety) does zero school work and is sat next to me singing lady gaga. DS1 is missing his gf and his band and generally being a moody bastard. But rightly so. DD who is 8, is lovely but asks 299 questions a day and pretends to be a horse constantly. My ex is an abusive arsehole who refuses to do anything that might make my life easier so has them when it suits, mainly on a Sunday night.

I am also recovering from a virus that I got on 13 March that flew through 4 of us and I can’t walk up the stairs without gasping for air. My dad has cancer, is severely asthmatic. I just keep veering from thinking ‘If this is my life until September something has to give’ to ‘You are alive and you are lucky’?

AIBU and the only one to think lockdown is messing with my mind? I am usually a copper and get on with stuff but I must admit, I am losing it a bit today. What are you worrying about? Please offload so I feel less bloody alone.

OP you must force yourself to REST. I'm saying that because the last person in a group to get the Coronavirus seems to get it worst. You've said a virus has flown through four of you, and now you have it and are having trouble breathing. Please get medical advice, rest, and don't overdo things. This is really important.

thank you, OP, for all you and your DP are doing. I wish I could help out. It's hard for everyone, such an enormous shock to the system. And so much uncertainty. Completely understandable to feel a bit wobbly, at any given point.

Your 8 year old sounds brilliant.

Yanbu. Its utterly shit. I'm worried about work, recession, trying to wfh and supervise kids. I wish they would end the lockdown, recession and poverty will affect people worse than the virus.

I usually just plod through life quite happily but this is doing my head in. I'm sleeping all day, I'm not eating there just doesn't seem to be any point to anything

I also have teen dds who have turned nocturnal and are self isolating in their bedroom with Netflix - I can’t currently see a problem with this. When the school’s first shut and they were working at home, I had two super stressed out dc, who seemed to think the world was coming to an immediate end. They are so much calmer now, and in turn so are we. I guess this will all change when we all go back to it after the “holidays”, back to different levels of shittiness.
I don’t want to be a horse, at the moment I quite fancy being a sloth

OP, why aren't your children in school? You are both absolutely, 100% key workers. Just because you're able to do some of your work from home doesn't mean you're not a working key worker... Some semblance of routine would be good for your two younger DCs surely?

to all.

Struggling here but feeling shit and guilty for it. I think I've got whatever virus you have OP, started around the same time too. Gone from being able to sprint up our two and a half flights of stairs to feeling like I've run a marathon or two when I stagger to the bedroom. My chest is permanently tight feeling and any effort has me coughing the way my dad did shortly before he died of lung cancer.

My mental health is ropey at the best of times although it was getting better with lots of things to look forward to (until this happened). I have pstd and for reasons relating to the trauma which caused it, am finding being "trapped" at home very hard. On top of that, I have attachment issues and without access to my coping mechanisms and being able to get space from the kids, i.e. ds going to preschool and being able to take dd to lots of activities I'm terrified I'm going to become my own abusive mum. Plus my adored Grandmother died in March and I couldn't go to the funeral which according to my "lovely" mum means I didn't care, not that I was following Government advice to keep myself and my horrendous cough away from people.

Dh is working from home and trying to help the best he can but still has to do a full days work in between everything else. Dd wants to be sat on me or next to me for all the hours that she's up. If I leave her with dh, all I hear is "mummy, mummy, mummy" getting louder and louder. I'm not good with physical contact at the best of times but when I'm struggling mentally, I can't stand being touched. It's like nails down a blackboard in my head.

Can't access any mental health help as the GP won't prescribe anything and neither will the adult mental health team because my psychiatrist has been redeployed.

On the one hand, everyone I know including Dr SiL is fine. Financially, we're likely to be okay too. Dh is still working for his full salary and is still getting more work. We have plenty of savings. On the other, if this goes on much longer, shooting me would be a kindness.

OP it sounds like you have SO much to deal with right now. You are bound to feel awful and very stressed! I’m finding it really hard with just 2 kids and trying to work from home....
try and cut yourself some slack and don’t be hard on yourself. This is a really shit time. But hopefully we’ll all come through it.
I award you a big hug, a big bar of chocolate, and a spa day when all of this madness is over! X

I'm an RN on a cardiac ward but only emergency procedures are occurring so I would be sent to a Covid 19 unit but my medical history make me very high risk so I am home unpaid this week. Unknown if I work this weekend. My son is 19 severe special needs and high risk so no school and I care for him all.day.long. Tube feeding/Rxs and toilet trips. Husband WFH tries to help but too busy. I'm keeping on top of chores and meals 3x/day. Also ordering groceries for delivery and household supplies.pet care. Sigh. Praying for our family to be spared in this epidemic

Darling, your OP sounds like an intro to This Life!wishing you all the best xxx wish I could offer more help.

to all. Bad day here. So much so that neighbours I don’t know came over with flowers and wine because they could hear how much I was struggling with my DCs constant fighting. It was so kind but I was so embarrassed and still am.

I can WFH and have been - I thought this week would be easier as I’m on annual leave, but it’s worse!

Pretty much the lowest I’ve been since DH died. I feel like an awful parent. I’ve tried so hard but I’m clearly not cut out for it, and now I’m alone with the two of them. Poor kids.

For some (the very lucky or extremely stupid), this whole shitshow will have little impact on them. For the rest, it's tough. And as this thread has highlighted (thankfully!) it's not a competition. I could bleat (emotionally, I've lost someone to it, financially, have own business which I have had to mothball for a bit but we'll survive). It's not a good time for me but I won't turn it into a league table and scoff at e.g. parents of three under 10s feeling the stress of it all.

Ah, how I wish we could all run free like Star.

Projecting her inner most desires onto her spirit animal. That’s possibly the healthiest response to all this I’ve heard of.

Fuck it, I’m going to be a cat for the duration. Mostly sleeping, waking only to:

1. Vocally protest I’ve never been fed in my whole life
2. Demand to be stroked by rubbing my head on DH
3. Insisting the door be opened for me only to walk back inside
4. Rearrange myself on the comfiest chair
5. Have occasional bouts of being a frenetically acrobatic murderous daftie driven the the need to kill bits of ribbon.

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett it's the Easter hols. Schools are closed.
You're doing great OP and this is mostly a lovely warm thread.
I have DD18 off to uni in September so appreciating last bit of time together before that. Like living with best friend.
DS11 is coping well with it all but not such a home body so missing friends and sports clubs and everything. He gets up every morning to exercise, very different personality to me. I love him lots but might have he-man living in house at this rate! Will need to start thread to get advice on that!
Take care all x

P.S. OP, re-reading my post I think it sounded dismissive. My point was, you are totally correct. It is a mindfuck for most.

Myself and my fiancée are both frontline, and apart from her grandad passing away of Covid, which was obviously terrible, we are pretty lucky as we’re both young, have stable jobs, are healthy, own our own home etc. But I have to say I’m an utterly fed up with this situation, I am in no way saying I have it worse or looking for sympathy, because I know I have it good compared to many, but I’m so sick of spending all my time at work or sat in my house, my 30th birthday has been cancelled, my graduation for my masters has been cancelled, our kitchen which we began renovating before the crisis is half finished. It’s really beginning to get me down now despite knowing how lucky we are and trying to focus on that.

@Aryaneedle if your dd has not already seen it she would probably love Free Rein on Netflix. I know it doesn't really help much but maybe a little break from playing horses for you

fruitpastille Thank you for thinking of her, she has watched it unfortunately! Along with the pony sitters club. She is horse mad - we had to set up some jumps in the garden for ‘Star’ and I often have to lead her by the mouth on a pretend rope.

Starrynight pretending that you are a cat for the day sounds like it would really help the headfuck!

@MarieKlepto it didn’t sound dismissive at all. It is exactly what I started the thread for. No competition, there are degrees of shitness for all and it is healthy to express it.

@Elsiebear90 I’m so sorry you miss celebrating all that big stuff and you have work and bereavement on top. You are doing a great job and congratulations on your MSc - it’s a great feeling!

Thank you all for making this thread warm - it isn’t a competition and even if writing a comment helps a tiny bit in these weird times that’s good. Connecting with others who simply discuss things is brilliant.

@Bookoffacts schools have stayed open through the holidays for keyworker children round here.

I was at least looking forward to getting the house and garden straight over the weekend but I sprained my ankle yesterday and can’t stand on it. So Easter weekend spent not even doing chores! Wfh ft and line parent so really needed this weekend to catch up on everything else.

I feel for you op, I have to say, ds singing lady gaga and dad pretending to be a horse did make me laugh!

I’m surprised nobody else has jumped on to say if you’re showing symptoms (shortness of breath) then you really shouldn’t be working/doing home and school visits??

Our school are also open and we are both key workers, however I know one of the teachers personally and she gives me the impression that it’s wrong of me to send my children into school if I can feasibly WFH.

It’s turning out that I can’t feasibly WFH and look after my youngest, who needs a lot of structure. Having a computer and permission to WFH doesn’t mean you don’t need childcare of some description. I work part time but my boss keeps dropping work on me that I end up doing on my day off, leading to guilt that I’m not caring for the kids.

Tbh I’m a bit pissed off with the teachers attitude. The ones I’ve spoken to are mightily pissed off at going into work because it means they can’t practice social distancing. To the best of my knowledge, there are only three or four children there each day in our school.

I had to go onto a hospital ward earlier this week to see one of my patients. It was really busy. I couldn’t socially distance, either.

Been suicidal for months, was starting to get better and beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel then lockdown changed everything and all of a sudden I'm back to square one. My eldest dd is bored stiff, playing up every day because she is missing nursery and family, and incredibly clingy and I don't go 5 minutes without being touched - even at night someone is touching me and I feel suffocated. My baby is missing all of her health visitor appointments and shes behind on her milestones, Im also painfully aware that we will never get this time back and I'm missing out on so much with her - as petty as that is it hurts. I still have to go to work for minimum wage, zero appreciation and abuse from customers because they seem to think I make or can change the decisions from head office - this on top of being terrified of bringing the virus home to my asthmatic children (veerryy mild asthma but still).

Both my nan and BIL have cancer, there are lots of other members of my family who aren't in the best of health (heavy smokers, heavy drinkers, asthmatics, obesity, diabeties, high blood pressure etc.) As well as many frontline NHS staff. It would be a miracle if my family come out of this unscathed. It is obviously very, very necessary but yeah doesnt change the fact that its really shit.

Daffodil I have had similar from the head of DD’s school - he knows me personally as a parent but professionally as a Social Worker and was very quick to email me basically saying could we manage between us as they are overrun with ‘keyworker’ children, he out the quotation marks. DP shift works and DS can look after them for an hour or so, so I agreed as I felt it was the right thing to do. DS2 point blank refuses to go. Lockdown is like a gift to him as he hates interacting with people, he hates structured meals, he hates socialising, he hates even the simplest changes like transition between home and school or home and football etc. So last night he was saying that lockdown is amazing for him! He is loving it. He can’t stop singing and dancing with glee. Which is fine, unless it’s lady gaga.

I feel like I'm really struggling. Our DD 9 is still under going tests, but possible ASD, ADHD, anxiety and emotional disorder, we were in the process of changing her school to a specialist school, but I have no idea whats going on with it now. She has done no school work at all, which I'm relatively OK about because she is meant to be repeating this school year anyway, she is not sleeping, and nothing I do is making any difference. It was her birthday on Wednesday and it was heartbreaking. My MIL was meant to be flying out and being here on her birthday for the first time in 6 years (we're abroad) we had plans for a special day out yesterday, but DD just sat quietly not wanting to do anything, she barely ate anything at all and didn't want to do any of my alternative ideas. People calling on skype sent her into meltdowns, it was just horrible. Our DS 11 is being evaluated for ADHD, he is moody, angry, has no attention span whatsoever and is just constantly bored. Both the kids are constantly in my face demanding I fix everything and then they just fight none stop. Our DD will flip flop between demanding and wrecking the house for wanting to go out, to barricading herself in her room, our DS has smashed his brand new TV out of frustration. My DH has ADHD and Bipolar disorder, and has been working from home but has had this week off, his not able to concentrate on anything or be of any real use, and all 3 of them set each other off.

I just can't sleep, and all I have to do is housework, but its been 4 weeks of doing the same thing over and over, I could have hoovered one end of a room, and be up the other end and someone is dropping crumbs all over the end I've just done, so there's just no point.

I really want this to be over!! I spent 2 days sorting out the garden but despite having a huge garden, its not good enough and didn't ease anything. I love my family but they are so full on, I need some space to reset and put on my game face.