To feel that my husband being so overweight... puts pressure on me to stay healthy

[stayathomewannabee]

My husband is - at a guess - maybe 3 stone overweight.
He's exactly 6ft tall - he smokes but he gave up drinking a few years ago. He says he's an alcoholic but he was binger when he did drink.
Anyway long story - his job is quite demanding in terms of he's a manager who has to directly manage 8 people and answer to bosses himself.
He enjoys it though.
However since we had our children he has slowly put on more and more weight...
He doesn't exercise and sleeps quite badly - he often ends up snoring on the sofa by 10am most weekends. He gets angry with me and tells me he works hard.
Then there's me - a total exercise nut. I do yoga and run and do spinning. I enjoy it but I wonder if I'm putting pressure on myself to do more because I'm worried my husband's health is going up go downhill.
We are both in our late 40s. Our daughters are still at primary school.
I am so worried and during lockdown he's only eating more..

I thought you were going to say he was about 30 stone!

I think this is a real reach, to be honest.

Yes, it's fine to be concerned about his health. No, it's not some kind of onus on you to do what you'd be doing anyway to stay healthy.

What is your job like? If his is sedentary while your is active; that's going to add to the difference between you.

I thought you were going to say he was very overweight, 3 stone is barely a dad bod, you sound mental and shallow

I'm not sure if its simply the tone of your post but you come across as hastily dismissive. It's actually quite a dangerous phrase "he said he was alcoholic he was a bjnger when he drank" it certainly reads as if you are dismissing it and you dont believe he is am alcoholic. Firstly you never ever (nor does anyone else) have the right to dismiss that statement form someone.

Ok no it doesnt sound like he looks after himself but that has no bearing on your health choices unless you allow it to.

3 stone overweight , yes that may have health complications but I have to say the way you have come across is far more about needing to control than it seems genuine concern.

Well maybe it’s just me but 3 stone overweight is a health risk surely? And OP is right, couple the extra weight with poor sleep and no exercise and it’s not looking good for long term health.

Nastily not hastily

3 stone overweight sounds rather big to me. I'd be having words. It's unhealthy, and unsexy too (if looks are important to you, they certainly are to me).

3 stone overweight is not just “dad bod” and presents big health risks.

Aren't you a delight

Imagine a man telling his wife she was ‘unhealthy and unsexy’ @cavabiensepasser, bet you’d be all over that

I agree, he should sort himself out. He has a wife and family

...I have no words...
he's 3 stone overweight and 6ft you're being ridiculous.

Now is not the time to get on his case about this.

Can you explain more why you think that?

OP I think the lockdown situation is causing you massive anxiety and you are focusing this anxiety onto your husband and his perceived faults.
He has given up drinking. For an alcoholic that is massive and should be applauded and supported.
Has your excercise routine been disrupted by lockdown, is that heightening your stress levels?
I think communication is the way to go, talk about your real concerns, about yourself and your partner, in a respectful / supportive way.
Your partner may also have concerns about you which you are not aware of.

OP, can you explain why you have time for all this activity and he doesn't?

If you’re more worried about his weight than he is, it’s up to you to only have healthy snacks in. I presume you cook the majority of evening meals, make them healthy and low-fat. Get low calorie snack bars instead of chocolate, prepare your DH a healthy, low calorie lunch, make sure breakfasts available are healthy.
Suggest going for a walk if he isn’t into jogging or running. Go swimming together. Definitely don’t nag at him.

It’s natural that you want him to be healthy, but it’s important that he wants it too.

My husband is - at a guess - maybe 3 stone overweight. He's exactly 6ft tall

So 42lbs extra on a 6ft person is not very overweight. But I agree it would be a concern. Perhaps get his weight and do the BMI calculator to see if you have cause for your level of concern.

he smokes
I’d be more worried about smoking than 3 stone of extra weight. Has he any interest in quitting?

he gave up drinking a few years ago. He says he's an alcoholic but he was binger when he did drink.
Binge drinkers are a type of alcoholic. So he deserves major congratulations for quitting drinking. Smoking is more addictive though, but it is a good sign that he had the will power to stop drinking.

He doesn't exercise and sleeps quite badly - he often ends up snoring on the sofa by 10am most weekends.
Why is he sleeping so poorly? If a person is sleep deprived, they do not have the energy to exercise. See if you can help his sleep improve.

Then there's me - a total exercise nut. I do yoga and run and do spinning.
Where do you find the time to do enough exercise for two? Could you reduce your exercise time and take the children so he can go for a walk or take up some exercise for himself?

You shouldn't stay fit for him. Do it fgor yorself.I often see couples with both of them obese. I'm sad to say it's not unusual to have a size 18 woman and a 16 stone man.

Three stone overweight is a lot though. If I was that much overweight, I really hope my DH would try and help me shift towards a healthier lifestyle before the problem got worse. You haven't expressed yourself brilliantly perhaps, OP, but YANBU.
I wonder if this is a good time to try ad involve him in exercise- online yoga, Joe Wicks, weights or whatever would be a good start, plus a way of doing something together in the evenings while you're locked down in each other's company.

I get a bit where you are coming from. We have a DD was is 8 and we are both late 40’s. My DH is a good six stones overweight and he’s got high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. He’s on two lots of medication for both. I am worried about him staying healthy for our daughter.

I would suggest he looks into if he has sleep apnoea. Although it's caused by being overweight it's difficult to exercise and make good food choices if you're exhausted.

Bizarre responses on here, three surplus stones in weight is a lot! Translate it to bags of sugar. I’ll get shot down in flames but I find it weird how anyone challenging the increasing ‘norm’ of overweight or obese is accused of having body image issues.