AIBU to expect my H to have cut all contact with OW

[NeedSome1ToHelpMe]

This is a very long story for me. So I’ve cut it to the main point.

I found out over 2 years ago that my H had been having an affair for over 12 months and was effectively leading double life with OW. He ‘works away’ 2 or 3 nights a week. He was actually spending those nights with her in her house.

After I found out about the affair my H told me it was over and he was no longer in contact with the OW at all. However I’ve just found out that he had actually given her a job.., so they’ve been working together for years now, without me knowing at all. My H has hidden this from me brilliantly. I had no idea!

So, I logged into his mobile phone account and have discovered that they talk to each other for hours most days. He’s told me it’s just work and there’s nothing going on. But I don’t believe him.

We’re in lockdown together and I’m absolutely devastated and completely heartbroken. I feel like such a fool.

My family live miles away. So just me, him and DD.
I feel so alone because I have no one to confide in and no one to help me.

I’ve told him to leave. But he won’t go and says I’m being unreasonable. He says I should just accept there’s nothing going on between him and OW.., it’s just work!

Help! AIBU?

What exactly did he 'owe her' that he created a job role for the woman he had an affair with? Maybe she blackmailed him into it? She sounds a right piece of work. And he sounds like a weasel. Get rid.

AW OP how awful for you. His primary relationship now appears to be with OW. He is taking you for a complete mug and he's having a laugh if he thinks any of this is ok. At least you are married which does give you more protection.

Do not say too much for now. Find out as much as you can about finances etc, take photos of things that might help you ("proof" of affair, bank statements, pensions, account numbers etc) - do not take screen shots on his device as it will then be apparent to him that you have done this as they will be downloaded automatically onto device.

Act daft if you need to but keep your powder dry until this crisis is over and you can seek proper legal advice. Please under no circumstances contact the OW. She knows exactly what she is doing and like your H, has no respect for you, your marriage and generally no moral compass. Maintain a quiet, dignified composure for now - vent on here as much as you like but please play the long game.

@InTheSummerhouse - It depends on the circumstances. Is it his own company? If he is a manager in a company he could not have blocked her career. Did he "give her a job" or do they work together and she deserved a promotion? Maybe it is just work. I worked with an ex for years as neither of us wanted to give up our hard-won jobs. I didn't tell DP at the time as there was nothing to tell.

What you describe here is nothing like the OP's situation. Working with an ex is not the same as working with the OW. Having "nothing to tell" DP is not the same as OP's H deliberately lying by omission and having long chats "about work". My job was split between WFH and going into work until very recently so I missed half my WFH job when I was in my "at work" job (nurse in hospital) , if that makes sense? So I was very much playing catch up when I did WFH job and even then, i wasn't on the phone to colleagues for hours. We would email each other stuff to read/comment on then zoom meet for an hour tops. I cannot imagine any job where it would be time and resource convenient to be on a phone for hours. I would imagine even the government does the preparatory work "offline" then meets to discuss for the minimum amount of time possible. Plus, if it was big decision making type stuff, surely it would be conference calls with the rest of the team pitching in at some point?