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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boris will pull through because he's a "fighter"

188 replies

HavelockVetinari · 08/04/2020 09:25

AIBU to find this extremely offensive? Are the thousands of people who've died of Covid dead because they just didn't fight hard enough?

Not acceptable, Raab.

OP posts:
boli · 08/04/2020 11:49

@sn0tnose go for a lie down

Marieo · 08/04/2020 11:51

It's a bit standard phrase, always insensitive when it's used but it hasn't been penned just for this.

Howmanysleepsnow · 08/04/2020 11:53

I’m not normally easily offended but I see your point.
I’m more offended by all the people saying he got it because he didn’t follow his own advice about social distancing and hand washing though. 5 of my family have symptoms. Only 1 left the house in the 10 days before symptoms started and that was for essential food. They stayed 2m from everyone, washed hands but still got it. Apparently other people in the supermarket were coughing though, so it’s not always within an individual’s control. At home the ill ones have isolated in their rooms and we’ve been hand washing and disinfecting religiously. I think that lowered the viral load as the next 4 are much less unwell, but I’m offended by all the posts here and on fb implying it’s the individual’s fault and if they followed guidelines they wouldn’t be ill. It’s not just down to one person, it’s the actions of everyone else that spread this too.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/04/2020 11:55

I thought exactly the same thing and nearly started a thread on it myself.

Even if he'd just said "He is determined to fight this" and left it at that, it still has the implication that others don't bother to fight it, when for some people, their own physical health/mental health/personal circumstances and vulnerabilities mean that they just don't have the strength to stay positive in their adversity.

To go the whole hog and say that he will pull through BECAUSE he is a fighter is a real slap in the face to the families and friends of all those who don't pull through from whatever illness.

It's one step up from when some people don't appreciate their privileged circumstances, backgrounds, education, abilities, good health etc. and declare that all poor people "just need to pull their finger out and work harder like I did after my parents left me enough to buy a business outright "

It's also a big slap in the face to the dedicated NHS staff (even when verbally accompanied by praise for them), as it seriously downplays their role in helping people's recoveries and effectively turns the blame on to them when, in spite of everybody's very finest efforts, recovery just isn't possible.

What would have been wrong with just "He's in good spirits, the amazing NHS staff are doing everything they possibly can and we're all very hopeful about a swift recovery" ?

gingganggooleywotsit · 08/04/2020 11:57

I agree with your sentiment but also think no offence is meant when people say it. Just a turn of phrase that is all.

Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 08/04/2020 12:01

I'm not a fan of the phrase, but not offended by it. It does irk me though for previous reasons mentioned in particular reference to cancer.

Mittens030869 · 08/04/2020 12:03

They really didn't need to say anything at all, it was unnecessary. All they needed to say was 'our thoughts and prayers are with him and his family.'

It was an attempt to calm down the panic, I think, and reassure themselves.

MarginalGain · 08/04/2020 12:04

Jeez so if your friend were in ICU and you said 'he'll pull through, he's a fighter', you'd be happy for someone to come along and tell you what a stain that is on the dead?

He's rallying the nation, please try to get a grip.

milveycrohn · 08/04/2020 12:05

It's a bad phrase, but that is because we do not have the appropriate language to say what we mean.
Basically, it is a phrase intended to reassure the public, and intended to say something more positive than I HOPE he recovers!
There's much more to be offended about than that.

CinderellasSecrets · 08/04/2020 12:07

I'm not sure, midwives described my daughter as a little fighter/a warrior when she managed to avoid the NICU - but I don't imagine they think the babies that did need NICU were any more/less incredible. It is just a phrase - although I agree it has the potential to hurt those who have lost loved ones. I think it's a phrase that should be used privately to offer hope and support but to use it publicly has perhaps been a bit insensitive.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/04/2020 12:08

Well what was he supposed to say?! It's pretty standard when someone is in ICU.

It's pretty standard among family, who are taking comfort from their hope, but who will nevertheless console themselves if the worst happens. They're just all trying to be positive about one individual person's illness as a closed small group. Even they probably wouldn't say it if another family member had recently died in spite of fighting their hardest.

If the same words had been said privately to Carrie and the rest of the family, there wouldn't be any issue. Saying those words in a nationwide broadcast, knowing full well that many thousands of people watching will have lost people to CV or other illnesses, is just spiteful.

horlicksbabe · 08/04/2020 12:11

I don't think it's looking to be offended at all, it is an inappropriate phrase to use which may upset people who have been recently bereaved. OP, I agree with you.

My relatives who have died didn't have a choice to fight or not, the illnesses they had (cancer and sepsis) were too overwhelming. In the case of the one with sepsis they went from absolutely fine to dead within 48 hours, they had no chance.

horlicksbabe · 08/04/2020 12:14

He's rallying the nation, please try to get a grip.

Of course he's not rallying the nation, he's seriously ill in intensive care.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/04/2020 12:14

Jeez so if your friend were in ICU and you said 'he'll pull through, he's a fighter', you'd be happy for someone to come along and tell you what a stain that is on the dead?

midwives described my daughter as a little fighter/a warrior when she managed to avoid the NICU - but I don't imagine they think the babies that did need NICU were any more/less incredible.

Nothing wrong with either of these, as they were/would be said in a private setting and only to the one family involved. However, if they put up posters in the general reception area saying "We urge all patients to make an effort to fight any illnesses or adverse circumstances with all their strength as this will ensure/greatly increase their chances of surviving over those who don't or can't" - THAT would be the equivalent of this.

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 08/04/2020 12:15

ThanksSorry about your friend HavelockVetinari (Pratchett fan here too).

I've had this sentiment blurted at me throughout since my cancer diagnosis. People are just projecting their fear onto you, in essence. That's why it's so fucking jarring.

Also, to pick up a poster upthread, it's not true that survival rates for patients going into icu with CV19 are 50%: it's people who have to be intubated. Pretty important distinction!

Boris isn't, he's on oxygen, but is breathing independently.

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 08/04/2020 12:15

And I do not feel rallied by Boris.

He's a self-serving, sociapathic tit.

I still hope he gets better though.

Srslydontgiveacrap · 08/04/2020 12:16

Funny, I wouldn't describe him as a fighter. More a wriggly slimy worm

MarginalGain · 08/04/2020 12:19

He's rallying the nation, please try to get a grip.

Of course he's not rallying the nation, he's seriously ill in intensive care.

------

He= Dominic Raab

horlicksbabe · 08/04/2020 12:21

Ah, sorry my mistake, I thought it referred to Boris.
I'm not feeling at all rallied (or anything else) by Dominic Raab, I wasn't aware that was what he was trying to do.

We're rallying ourselves within the family, politicians can't do it for us.

Atleastthedoglovesme · 08/04/2020 12:24

I remember after my Dad had just died from cancer a colleague told me her Dad had recovered from cancer because he was a real fighter and had such a strong will. Well....Nobody was as strong willed and more of a fighter than my Dad, he fought it with everything he had...except his cancer was incredibly aggressive - I never engaged with that colleague again, I just could never forgive her callousness.

willowhazel · 08/04/2020 12:29

@atleastthedoglovesme Flowers She does sound particularly cruel.

MarginalGain · 08/04/2020 12:31

We're rallying ourselves within the family, politicians can't do it for us.

I agree with you, but still it is normal for an incapacitated leader's deputy to consider it his duty. Lots of people get upset by this sort of thing.

ragged · 08/04/2020 12:37

OP's comments are perfect example of why folk describe MN as full of self-centred hysterics.

Otherrooms · 08/04/2020 12:41

I also hate it when people say that they have only recovered because they are a strong person, a fighter.... I know many people who have died from cancer and didn't survive.
The implication is that they are weak because they couldn't get better. This is obviously not the case.

user1487194234 · 08/04/2020 12:42

Sorry but I really hate people saying this

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