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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How do I keep neighbour happy

60 replies

Dknew · 07/04/2020 14:32

Neighbour lives directly above me and works night shifts and is still working now. He sleeps in the day, his rota changes weekly so Its not as if i can just learn the pattern of when he sleeps.

Me and my 2yo daughter are obviously in quarantine and cant go out and shes a very loud child and naturally bored. Every single sound wakes him up, I've even had a sneezing fit and it woke him up and he complained.

He complaings by stamping around for hours and playing his music so loud, we can barely think and it drowns out my alexa so we cant block out the sound. Me and DP have been laughing and joking around and it wakes up him.

He has laminate flooring, and so do I, and thin walls so we can hear everything. I literally dont know how to get DD, DP and I quiet enough so hes happy (this isnt a new problem so it's not just in quarantine).

I understand its stressful working nights and getting woke up by someone else's kids but I dont know what to do. I make DD stay away from her room (his room is above hers), I try to be quiet in the day but nothing literally works, he must be an incredibly light sleeper.

I'm literally at a loss how to keep him happy but not severely disrupt mine and DD life at the same time.

OP posts:

frogsbreath · 07/04/2020 14:35

He needs to wear earplugs. No, it's not nice being woken up after a night shift. However night shift workers need to accept that they are the ones out of typical sync with daily life and make some amendments too.

I did, I buy 39 decibel noise reducing earplugs twice a year from amazon. Great things.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 07/04/2020 14:41

I'm so sorry for him, I really am but anyone who thinks that life should just be the same as before needs to have a serious word with themselves.

Zombiemum1946 · 07/04/2020 14:42

I'd recommend ear plugs as well. He also needs to understand that the world doesn't revolve around his work.

mbosnz · 07/04/2020 15:02

Also, he's got absolutely no moral high ground if he then throws a loud temper tanty to 'get back at you'. That's so stupid, it's only a matter of time before someone on the receiving end of that thinks 'stuff it, I'm just not even going to bother trying, you can have a jolly good taste of your own medicine in spades, mate'.

Namechangedforthis1357 · 07/04/2020 15:02

What does he do for work - could he come home in his break for a nap or nap at work?

DriveMeCrazy1974 · 07/04/2020 15:04

To be fair to the neighbour, he's probably having to deal with more noise from your household because you are all at home. I can sympathise. Right now, I have got the neighbour's kids screaming loudly as they have been doing all day every bloody day through this. It is beginning to wear a little (a lot) thin and is starting to affect me.

I agree that he shouldn't expect you to be silent, but, you need to understand that the noise can be really annoying if you've got no choice but to live through it.

TheLittleRedToothbrush · 07/04/2020 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whaleandsnail · 07/04/2020 15:09

Your neighbour is unreasonable and I say this as a night shift worker. It's hard sleeping in the day but he can't expect his neighbours to tiptoe around. Normal daytime noise disruption is part and parcel of night shift work.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 07/04/2020 15:17

Every single sound wakes him up, I've even had a sneezing fit and it woke him up and he complained

As soon as I read that, I thought he was unreasonable. Who complains about another person having a sneezing fit?!

Whilst I have lived in flats so know the noise pollution can be dreadful, and worked shifts so know how annoying it is to be woken in the middle of your 'night' by everyone else's day- he needs to grow up a bit. Stamping round playing music so loudly it drowns out your Alexa? That's pathetic, and is hardly going to get him any sleep!

He should do what he can to reduce noise travelling between flats- you say he has laminate flooring, has he covered as much of it as possible with decent rugs, for instance?

GiantKitten · 07/04/2020 15:20

Ear plugs plus white noise (I run a small tower fan all night, it's not very loud but smooths out any noises inside or out) would make a big difference to him, but it doesn't sound as if he's up for discussing it

Sympathy. It's impossible to keep a 2-y-o quiet but he's the unreasonable one.

CorianderLord · 07/04/2020 15:20

It's annoying for him but he is sleeping in the day when a child is in lockdown. He needs earplugs because unless you're being obviously extra loud it's just life and he needs to adjust his expectations.

Namechangedforthis1357 · 07/04/2020 15:21

@TheLittleRedToothbrush

If he works at the all night servo in a town of 3 cars and lives next door, he can go home and have a nap and, it won't matter if he's a bit tired at work.

If he's a HPC working in a major city hospital - very different circumstances.

AprilFloundering · 07/04/2020 15:22

I would complain to the council if the man is even complaining about your sneezing fits! Unacceptable. And then to twattishly stamp about and play loud music to retaliate?!

complain to the council. He's beyond unreasonable.

dontdisturbmenow · 07/04/2020 15:24

You need to talk to eachother so that you at least know eachother's expectations and whether you can meet them, if not agree on a compromise.

Of course you can't be totally quiet, that's totally unreasonable, at the same time, your tolerance of kiddies noise might be much higher than that of non parents.

Talking and compromise are the only way it is going to work.

Sheepareawesome · 07/04/2020 15:27

Why do you have to keep him happy? Why isn't it up to him to sort things out for himself? He has laminate flooring in a flat with people living below and deliberately makes loud noise to annoy you. Why can't he try and keep you happy? If he properly insulated his floor and got earplugs then neither of you would have a problem. It is his problem he can solve it. Would you put your music on loudly just to piss him off? Then why are you trying to help someone that would do that to you?

If you rent, complain to your landlord. Or his. If not, start keeping a log of his noise and anything he says and then have a look on your council website about how to report nuisance neighbours. His behaviour is not OK.

BurnIt · 07/04/2020 15:35

Can you post him a note to say you're trying your best and what is HE doing for himself to ease the situation? Earplugs and Carpet would be a good solution..

Complaining about bloody sneezing FFS

mimbleandlittlemy · 07/04/2020 15:38

When I had an upstairs flat it was a requirement of my leasehold that all areas in my flat were carpeted. If he has put in laminate against the lease agreement then I would politely suggest to him that he gets carpet which will help muffle some of the sound.

MamaBearOnLockdown · 07/04/2020 15:41

and shes a very loud child and naturally bored.

to be fair, if YOU find her loud, the neighbour must be finding her much worst.

Are you in the UK? Any reason why you are in quarantine? Around here we are still allowed to exercise once a day and we make the most of it for the kids. It would be easier if it was raining as the roads would be quieter, but the sun is nice. Are there no quiet roads at all around you where you can walk with your child?

You normally suffer a lot more from the noise above your head than the noise below, insulation must be dreadful.

MamaBearOnLockdown · 07/04/2020 15:42

Why do you have to keep him happy?
well, people trying to sleep don't really qualify as nuisance neighbours do they

Mary1935 · 07/04/2020 15:44

Are you a single parent OP?
I’m wondering if you are would he treat this the same if you had a partner at home.
It’s not your fault we are in lockdown or your fault he can’t sleep.
He’s being abusive to you.
I’d tell him to get ear plugs and or contact the council re his unacceptable behaviour.
Do not silence your child. Unless she’s screaming relentlessly.

Palavah · 07/04/2020 15:45

Talking and compromise are the only way it is going to work.

This

ITasteSpring · 07/04/2020 15:45

I sympathise. We had downstairs neighbours who constantly complained about our kids despite the fact our kids didn't get up till 7am to 7.30 - were out all day four days a week until 5.30 then upstairs from 7pm and we were often out for most of the time when we were home! We made massive concessions to keep noise down - kids not allowed to wear shoes in house, no ride-on toys, no running - but nothing was good enough. They became so aggressive we complained to the council and they were told if they didnt' pack it in the council would require their landlord to take action against them (we were in Scotland).

category12 · 07/04/2020 15:46

You can't keep him happy if sneezing is too much noise.

Just live your lives and complain to the landlord/authorities if he deliberately makes noise to make a point. If you're behaving reasonably, he hasn't got a leg to stand on - he can get a decibel monitor in and see how far it gets him.

ITasteSpring · 07/04/2020 15:48

Talking and compromise are the only way it is going to work

This

Well that depends on if he is reasonable. Doesn't sound like he is. We really tried with our neighbours, we put in writing everything we had done to reduce noise - nothing was good enough. I asked them to let us know when they were working at home so we could make even more effort to keep quiet but they said they couldn't do that! Nothing but total capitulation to their will is good enough for some people.

jay55 · 07/04/2020 15:48

You both need carpet/rugs to deaden the noise. And agree with above he needs earplugs and/or noise cancelling headphones.

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