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AIBU?

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Original poster

How do I keep neighbour happy

60 replies

Dknew · 07/04/2020 14:32

Neighbour lives directly above me and works night shifts and is still working now. He sleeps in the day, his rota changes weekly so Its not as if i can just learn the pattern of when he sleeps.

Me and my 2yo daughter are obviously in quarantine and cant go out and shes a very loud child and naturally bored. Every single sound wakes him up, I've even had a sneezing fit and it woke him up and he complained.

He complaings by stamping around for hours and playing his music so loud, we can barely think and it drowns out my alexa so we cant block out the sound. Me and DP have been laughing and joking around and it wakes up him.

He has laminate flooring, and so do I, and thin walls so we can hear everything. I literally dont know how to get DD, DP and I quiet enough so hes happy (this isnt a new problem so it's not just in quarantine).

I understand its stressful working nights and getting woke up by someone else's kids but I dont know what to do. I make DD stay away from her room (his room is above hers), I try to be quiet in the day but nothing literally works, he must be an incredibly light sleeper.

I'm literally at a loss how to keep him happy but not severely disrupt mine and DD life at the same time.

OP posts:
Biscuitsdisappear · 07/04/2020 15:49

He needs to buy some earplugs. Can you ask him for a copy of his shift pattern?

WeAllHaveWings · 07/04/2020 15:49

Who complains about another person having a sneezing fit?!

Me!!!! but it is dh and he is excessively noisy with loud sniffs and groans between sneezes. Just isn't necessary!

MamaBearOnLockdown · 07/04/2020 15:49

We made massive concessions to keep noise down - kids not allowed to wear shoes in house, no ride-on toys, no running

that's not a concession at all, when you live in a flat that's basic manners!

AmelieTaylor · 07/04/2020 15:50

He sounds like a twat. But also laminate floors and toddlers in a flat are a terrible mix!

Sounds like you need to have a proper chat.

You'd both benefit by getting carpets (loose fit) if you can afford to, cheap rugs if not.

He needs ear plus/white noise/whatever

But bottom line is she is TWO he is an adult!! Acting like a test stomping around & playing loud music needs to stop. Either willingly or by force (landlord/council rather than anything sinister...but needs must 🤣)

Stet · 07/04/2020 15:59

Yep, he needs to use earplugs AND he can use white noise too. When I use those in a combo, I can't hear my DD wailing or shrieking at all (not that I leave her to wail, but her dad has her in the mornings and occasionally she does kick off!).

lottieloop · 07/04/2020 16:01

I've really no idea why this arsehole of a foolish man above you has not yet purchased some ear plugs.

He is a very cheeky fucker.

JKScot4 · 07/04/2020 16:05

and shes a very loud child and naturally bored
It’s your job to teach her not to be very loud, beings. toddler isn’t an excuse to be foghorn. Get her out every day to burn some energy and try and have a calm chat with ndn.

MamaBearOnLockdown · 07/04/2020 16:10

I’m wondering if you are would he treat this the same if you had a partner at home.

Me and DP have been laughing and joking around and it wakes up him Hmm
so you can wonder if the OP having a partner doesn't make the sound level worst...

Alialialiali · 07/04/2020 16:16

Tell him to fuck off and get some ear plugs...not your problem. You`re being a doormat. Is he a big guy or something? is DP afraid to tel him to eff off?
Ok, if you want to be nice buy him some earplugs and tell him he needs to get used to them because your family cant spend all day walking on egg shells cause of him.

GoofyLuce · 07/04/2020 16:20

It’s your job to teach her not to be very loud, beings. toddler isn’t an excuse to be foghorn.

Is this a joke? How can you turn a twatty neighbour thread into a parenting problem thread? Hmm

OP my toddler is loud too, despite my best efforts to controll him. I'm sure your toddler is making a completely normal amount of toddler noise! Sorry about your twatty neighbour.

supersop60 · 07/04/2020 16:28

Ear plugs. Carpet.

Illberidingshotgun · 07/04/2020 16:30

If you are in the UK, then I assume that you or your DD are in the high risk/extremely vulnerable category, which means you cannot get out at all? It may be worth explaining this to him, so he knows why (without the details) you are not able to take her out to burn off some energy.

It may also be worth slightly altering your DD's sleep pattern - keep her up a little later and play lots as soon as he goes off to work. Then a bath to calm her down for bed.

It's a tow way street though - he seriously needs to buy some decent earplugs as well, which would make a big difference to him, and realise that these are not usual times.

Purpleartichoke · 07/04/2020 16:32

He can use earplugs and white noise. There are free apps these days that you can play sounds from your phone.

If you have laminate floors, rugs would be very helpful.

Eckhart · 07/04/2020 16:34

I don't know but I can sympathise. My downstairs neighbours have very loud speaking voices and talk all day long, then one of them snores all night like a jumbo jet. I'm furious a lot of the time and have to play music whilst wearing earplugs to drown them out.

I feel bad for them because they have to put up with me playing music all night whilst they're trying to snore sleep.

I don't know of a way around it, but it does sound like you're trying to quieten natural daytime noise so as not to disturb him whilst he's deliberately creating nighttime noise to piss you off.

I think the noise disturbance regulations are 11pm - 7am. If you're making normal noise outside of these hours, a good solution might be for him to move to a place with less people! It's what I'm considering.

lubeybooby · 07/04/2020 16:35

I'd buy every single type of earplug available, wrap it up all nice with a bow and a nice note and leave it for him. He'll get the hint and no one could be mad at that surely. Worth the money if it stops him being a child about it all

Lunafortheloveogod · 07/04/2020 16:36

He needs ear plugs you need rugs.. comprise of what’s muffled.

Toddlers are loud creatures it’s inevitable even if you do the whole “gentle hands” “inside voice” they’ll loose their shit at something eventually, happily or not. 1yo screamed for an hour today because I wouldn’t let him throw his cup into his newborn brothers chair or water his brother with said cup.. I’m sure my neighbour loved it as much as me.. or as much as the newborns 3am song for boobs. We’ve bought outside toys, so he can scream in the fresh air., reins so he can run at cows or trees away from humans etc.

Sneezing is ridiculous though.. unless you’re my dp, I can hear him sneeze outside the house (you can barely hear the bin lorry)

tara66 · 07/04/2020 16:36

Tell him he can pay to install sound insulation in the space between your 2 floors. This can be quite a big job. One can buy sound insulating foam mats that go under floor boards etc.

Original poster
Dknew · 07/04/2020 16:38

I have a DP who lives a 20 minute drive away. He is away during lockdown because of him being a key worker.

I do live in the uk and I dake dd out for a walk for an hour. We have no garden or we will be out in it most of the day!

He did write a letter once and post it through my letter box, it was polite and he only asked for a quick chat to talk about solutions. I knocked on his door and began by apologising about he noise. He then said about him working nights and with laminate flooring, the sound travels. He then seemed quick to get back inside and we didn't really discuss any ways of easing this for the both if us.

As far as what I can tell he hasnt got any rugs/ear plugs because he is still really sensitive to the slightest of sounds.

I'm not sure where he works.

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 07/04/2020 16:41

If you have a loud child then regardless of your neighbour you need to teach her to be quieter and make sure her noise is socially appropriate.

As she gets older nobody will want to spend time with her if she’s loud.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 07/04/2020 16:45

Pop a printout of all the earplugs available through his door.

Eckhart · 07/04/2020 16:46

Write him a note then, op, yo say you didn't feel you'd reached a mutually satisfactory arrangement when you talked before, and that you really don't want to be disturbing him.

Kindness can go a long way. I'd be a lot more accepting of neighbours who really wished they could avoid bothering me than I would of neighbours who stubbornly refused to even consider my point.

lowlandLucky · 07/04/2020 16:50

It is hell living in flats and having laminate flooring makes it 10 times worse.Your house will be like a drum "OP" The noise will be amplified, just as it is from his house. Your DD needs to learn that she is not allowed to scream and shout inside and your neighbour needs to buy earplugs. Both of you need to learn a bit of respect for those around you.

AprilFloundering · 07/04/2020 16:50

Then he needs to immediately find a way to get some thick carpets down on his laminate floor.

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 07/04/2020 16:51

He complaings by stamping around for hours and playing his music so loud, we can barely think and it drowns out my alexa so we cant block out the sound.

Actually I’d be making a noise complaint against him as it is unreasonable of him to behave this way. You have a toddler, you can’t go out right now same as everyone else and there’s not much you can really do about regular toddler noise. He needs to find strategies to cope just like other people who work nights do.

Eckhart · 07/04/2020 16:52

To all those who are suggesting to buy him earplugs, that's very patronising. Don't you think he's thought of that himself? Earplugs don't work for/can't be worn by some people.

I suspect this would piss him of further, because he'll wonder why he has to change his behaviour when somebody else should stop making all that noise.

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