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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel guilty I can't do a weekly shop?

59 replies

oliviaskies · 05/04/2020 19:18

Title, really. Only have an under counter fridge, no freezer, very small cupboard space and I can't carry a lot anyway, honestly because I'm extremely weak (medical reason). I have a teen DD who I don't really trust to follow rules closely enough without me there (very very impulsive), who has a lot of allergies/intolerances (can't have gluten, egg, dairy) so sometimes they don't have things in stock that she can eat.
At the moment I'm having to go to the shop basically daily to ensure me and DD can eat and it's making me feel extremely down and guilty. AIBU? Anyone in a similar situation? I feel like I'm part of the problem.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 05/04/2020 19:22

Don't feel guilty. You are going as infrequently as possible, it's just that for you it's not that infrequent. That's why some of us need to make sure we only go once a fortnight.

InglouriousBasterd · 05/04/2020 19:23

Of course you aren’t unreasonable to shop as you need! We don’t all have masses of fridge and freezer space (myself included!)

InglouriousBasterd · 05/04/2020 19:23

I think I voted the wrong way - YANBU to go shopping, YABU to feel guilty!!

AlbusSeverusPotter13 · 05/04/2020 19:24

Don’t worry about it. There’s no need to feel guilty.

TotesGodsWill · 05/04/2020 19:25

Everyone is supposed to shop as infrequently as possible. They haven’t defined how often that is because it’s different for different people in different circumstances. You’re shopping as infrequently as possible in your specific circumstances, which is all any of us can do.

LittleLittleLittle · 05/04/2020 19:25

Nope.

The guidance was written by people who live in large houses with gardens and a spare home or two, such as the Chief Medical Officer of Scotland....

Original poster
oliviaskies · 05/04/2020 19:25

Inglorious I didn't think about that when I enabled voting! I meant more - YABU/YANBU to go shopping - not guilty, oops. My bad

OP posts:
MamaBearOnLockdown · 05/04/2020 19:26

Your teen could meet you when you exit the shop and help you carry essentials, you can store a lot of food under your bed etc.

It doesn't mean you are part of the problem: if you don't go, you don't eat. So that qualifies as essential.

The morons who pop out for a bottle of milk, of coke, a bag of crisps are part of the problem. They have absolutely no need for the small items and could buy them when they are out for a proper shop.

It's not about essential ITEMS it's about essential TRIPS.

Original poster
oliviaskies · 05/04/2020 19:27

Thank you all, I already feel a bit better about it. It's just that the guidelines are so difficult already, and although it is hard for everyone, I imagine there are lots of people in my situation that feel the same way, especially as I live in a flat without any outside space at all. Going to the shops is often the only time I get out during the day, as I can't just go and sit outside and I feel guilty as well going out for exercise.

OP posts:
Punkatheart · 05/04/2020 19:29

You are doing the best you can, lovely girl. The fact that you are worrying shows that you area good person. Keep safe and well.

Original poster
oliviaskies · 05/04/2020 19:30

MamaBear I've been storing food wherever I can, and I suppose your right about DD, but as I don't drive and the nearest shop is a fair bit away, it is hard to get 'enough' shopping. If I had a car I could get much more. I'm getting as much as I can each time I go, but space is such a massive issue :(

OP posts:
desperatehousewife2 · 05/04/2020 19:30

I’m not sure which of the buttons conveys my vote but I think if you have to go shopping daily you have to and there is no need to feel guilty about that.

Elieza · 05/04/2020 19:31

You shouldn’t feel guilty if you are doing your best.

However if one of you comes down with symptoms then you are both on lockdown for seven days until that one is over their symptoms at which point they can go out.

When you are both stuck in isolation who are you going to get to do all your special shopping?

You do really need to get a weeks worth of stuff to see you through. Just in case. I have a bag of emergency food for a week sitting under the table.

Start buying a little extra of the rarest things you need every day. Not stockpiling, that would’ve very wrong, just a little extra so you can keep indoors yourselves if the worst happens. The easy things (As opposed to the allergy special food) could be bought by whomever helps people in isolation in your area if needs be.

You can’t rely on deliveries as they don’t have slots for ages.

SudokuQueen · 05/04/2020 19:33

I feel bad sometimes too, but if the idiots around here would stop panic buying (and then throwing out a ton of food they haven't even opened!) then I would actually be able to get stuff that I need in a weekly shop.

There's still no cleaning products, toilet roll, flour, yoghurts etc in the big shops here. Any day I go, there's nothing there. The little shops are pretty much the same unfortunately.

I've got food in the freezer and should be fine for a couple of weeks, but will still need to go out for milk etc when we run out.

Hannah021 · 05/04/2020 19:33

I too have a tiny kitchen, only one person can stand there... So literally one small cupboard and the fridge with a tiny freezer compartment. I purchased a mini freezer from argos for 90£... I couldnt do without it.

Today i went out a bought bread, chicken, mixed salads (in a bag pre cut) and mixed base vegies also one bag pre cut... And i made two cups of rice with 8 chicken drumsticks... And split the food into 8 boxes and freezed them! Thats me sorted for 8 days :D
yes i dont mind eating the same food every day... Food doesnt bring me joy... Staying away from the kichen does haha

Duckchick · 05/04/2020 19:33

Daily does sound very often, is it just you and your DD or are you shopping for other people as well? Would a rucksack or a wheeled bag allow you to get enough to only go out every 2-3 days?

Do your health issues make you higher risk for covid in any way - the more you go out the higher your risk of catching it?

Original poster
oliviaskies · 05/04/2020 19:36

Elieza thank you for the advice. I hadn't even thought about that. I really have nobody who could shop for me.
Next time I go I'll get double of the things I'd need (Dd's milk, gluten/egg free food and the such) as her diet is quite limited, just in case. I just worry as well (seem to do a lot of that at the moment) that I'm taking it away from someone else who desperately needs it, with it being so specialist sort of thing.

OP posts:
LefttoherownDevizes · 05/04/2020 19:36

If it makes you feel any better DH and I have been out once since the week before lockdown as we were ill so you can use some of my shops without guilt.

Please don't feel guilty

LaneBoy · 05/04/2020 19:37

What others have said - it’s “as possible”. Some people have big cars and storage and can shop for two weeks at a time. You can’t. We can’t either. It sucks and it’s pretty stressful for DH going often, but we have no car (neither of us can drive for medical reasons), I can’t manage the walk back (before this, if I did much shopping I’d get a taxi home) and am weaker than usual currently being on day 18 of whatever virus I had. Thankfully some lovely friends dropped some bits off while we were self isolating.

DH is fine for walking and shopping but can’t carry much either without more pain (he has DGD and osteoporosis). Sometimes he has taken DD1 with him which isn’t ideal, luckily they’ve not been stopped as I hear some people have been! She’s 12 and able to help carry stuff and observe social distancing - 10yo DS stays home, he would be unable to manage it as his autism/ADHD difficulties include struggles with sense of space, he would touch things etc.

We normally do two small Tesco orders a week but that’s not happening. When we can get a delivery (or a click and collect which my stepson is picking up for us in a few weeks) we are focusing on heavy stuff like tins, bulky packs of loo roll. But we still have to shop fairly frequently. It’s just the way it is, don’t feel guilty!

Original poster
oliviaskies · 05/04/2020 19:38

Duckchick Just me and DD. I'm unsure of if my health issue makes me higher risk - I'm very low BMI due to an eating disorder, so struggling in a lot of ways with the focus on food at the moment. A rucksack could help, actually, as long as it wasn't too heavy. I'll have to try and dig DD's old school bag out.

OP posts:
Original poster
oliviaskies · 05/04/2020 19:40

LaneBoy Similar situation here with DD - she's not autistic but has ADHD and has struggled with it a lot right now, I don't quite think I could control her if in a shop as she can be extremely hyperactive.

OP posts:
BulbTherapy · 05/04/2020 19:43

Are you able to walk to the shops and return in a taxi? That might let you get enough to stretch a few days. Apologies if that isn't feasable for you - I know taxis are expensive.

I don't think you should feel guilty, you are doing what you need to do in order to keep you and DD fed and well, not arsing about for the sake of it.

What about smaller shops? Could you get more of the special dietary items at the big shop and make do with the corner shop for other essentials. That would mean fewer trips maybe?

I mean this kindly, but you do need to have a contingency plan of some sort in place. If you both end up in isolation with no food it'll be really difficult. Do you have a friend or neighbour you could call on if that situation arises, even if you don't feel happy asking them to help with regular shops?

Charis1503 · 05/04/2020 19:43

Oh bless you. If you are adhering to social distancing, washing your hands and being vigilant you are not 'adding to the problem'

My only concern with this set up is if you or your daughter develop a cough or temp or anything and neither of you can leave the house for 14 days.

I would do as another person had suggested and find some space under your bed... back of the wardrobe... behind the sofa?! And stash some UHT, packet pasta mixes, instant mash, baked beans.. and anything you can think of for daughter? Oat/coconut milk and gluten free cereal?!

You will be adding to the problem if you find yourself in a position where you NEED to leave the house and you are potentially contagious.

Keep safe xx

Hannah021 · 05/04/2020 19:45

Have to say though. Daily puts u in danger. Try to order online. It is going to be 14 days of lockdown, not 7 if either of u shows a symptom

Whoareyoudududu · 05/04/2020 19:46

I’d be worried about them tightening the lockdown measures personally. In other countries I don’t think you’d be permitted to do this.