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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder who cares for children if parents get really sick?

100 replies

Idontwantthis · 04/04/2020 15:50

Just that really - dh and I have started feeling ill - 3 small dc.

If we get as ill as people seem to be while still being at home (I’ve read about people
Not having the energy to raise their heads etc) how on earth do we look after children when you can’t get any help to do so?

OP posts:
Knocksomesense · 04/04/2020 16:58

Not if we went to hospital. I mean if we were home and seriously sick. We would chuck easy food at them and sit on the sofa. With two preschoolers what choice would you have?

elfycat · 04/04/2020 16:59

I've had flu (actual flu, not a bad cold) while my DC were young, with no-one to take them. I sat in a stupor on the sofa and semi-dozed and woke up every 20 minutes to pick up the remote control and put on the next 20 min episode of whatever dire TV show had their interest at the time (Might have been the How to Train your Dragons episodes). We did that for a few days and lived off whatever could be opened and eaten instantly. Tinned sweetcorn featured heavily in their diet. If both of you are past that point you will need to call for help and possibly get medical advice too.

A friend and I have agreed that if one of us is incapacitated, or needs to go to hospital, everyone will come to ours and we'll merge households and isolate for 14 days together.

alloutoffucks · 04/04/2020 17:04

16 and 14 year old more likely to be left at home with someone checking in.
But if you are not both in hospital, then it would be unlikely you can't manage. After all you still need to be able to feed yourself. Stick kids in front of TV, feed them cereal, fruit and biscuits, they will survive. You can lie on sofa.

SprogletsMum · 04/04/2020 17:08

My kids are 11, 8, 5 and almost 3. If I was so poorly I couldn't get up but not poorly enough for hospital they would definitely be more than capable of looking after each other for a few days. The oldest two are capable of cooking simple meals, the 5 year old can make no cooking meals like sandwiches and cereal so they wouldnt starve. They'd be feral, but ok.

alloutoffucks · 04/04/2020 17:11

@Knocksomesense Glad to hear your children are pretty independent. Yes accidents would be the worry at that age so if it came to it I would tell them they had to stay in the living room with me unless they were fetching food.
Most kids can be taught to make basic sandwiches and do a bowl of cereal. That with some fruit and biscuits will see them through. And lots of TV.

MushroomTree · 04/04/2020 17:11

Agree with @EmAndes. We had this at work with a client who had to go into hospital for a few days. Her girls went into emergency foster care. They had a fantastic time going to the beach one day
and the zoo the other. As far as they were concerned they had a weekend away without mum and weren't worried at all.

babydungarees · 04/04/2020 17:12

I have a 5 month old EBF baby and had real worries about what would happen if me & DH are too unwell to care for him. My sister lives closest to us and has said she will take him, I’m starting to freeze EBM for him in case I can’t feed him because of the formula shortage in the shops as well. I am hoping we never reach the point I have to hand him over to my sister but I feel better knowing she will take him.

alloutoffucks · 04/04/2020 17:12

Mine are teenagers so would be fine. I would be expecting them to make food for me.

stickerqueen · 04/04/2020 17:13

it's true people may not be willing to take kids on with what's going on but someone's going to have to care for the children when they have no-one else or a hope someone would.

Fuzzybumblebee · 04/04/2020 17:15

I'm a single mom and had symptoms but I just had to try my best to look after my girl, I think it helped me in a way as if I hadn't got her to look after I would have just been asleep not drinking and forcing myself to eat

amy85 · 04/04/2020 17:15

I've been worrying about this too as a single parent to three (11, 9 & 4)...I've tried planning a little to lessen my worrying... I've pre made some meals and filled a drawer in the freezer with them...I've shown the older kids where they are and they just need taking out to defrost then reheating in the microwave...so I at least know they will have one good/decent meal a day...between them they have the skills to eat food for breakfast and lunch....so I know they won't starve....and then it will be unlimited TV /screen time if I get ill too

bridgetreilly · 04/04/2020 17:15

It obviously depends how ill you get, but I know a single parent who managed when both her children got ill, and then she did. For most people, I think this will be doable.

1forsorrow · 04/04/2020 17:16

I got food poisoning when my DD was about 14 months old, DH had it as well. Two days of non stop vomiting and just wanting to die. DD sat on our bed between us playing and watching TV. For the first day I just about managed to drag myself downstairs and collect some yogurts and biscuits and fruit and drinks. She survived and seemed oblivious.

I think as parents we would manage to keep an eye on them unless we were so ill we needed to go into hospital. Children are probably more capable than we think. I know when I had 2 of my GC to stay for the first time the 3 year old was able to put me right if I wasn't doing things exactly as the baby liked.

Try not to worry, you might not get it, you might get it very mildly, you probably won't be at your worst at exactly the same time as your husband. Hope you are all OK.

Legoandloldolls · 04/04/2020 17:17

Mine would go into care. In reality I have no o e to take them. Mil would in total short term emergency but she is in Thailand so that's impossible. My sister would come here again for a short term emergency but anything look her term, like death, me and dh know the best option is care.

No one baby sits for us. My kids never go to my sisters house as I dont think her dh is keen so that wouldn't be a option, to place them long term with a adult who cant really tolerate them. Mil and bil live abroad. My mum.is 76 and abusive. So they wouldn't be safe. Fill is not interested and never has been. Not to mention a unhealthy relationship with alcohol ( his wife has slapped my son when he was 4 and she was pissed up. Fill didnt even blink)

So not ideal but foster care would be the safest option

Doyoumind · 04/04/2020 17:17

I'm single with primary age DC and have been a bit worried about this. I think it would be possible for my DC to survive on cereal, toast, fruit, cheese, beans for a few days (and probably a fair amount of biscuits and chocolate if left unattended). I'm more concerned about them being worried about me and scared.

If I did have to go to hospital DC would go to ex.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 04/04/2020 17:19

Ds is 12 he can cook basic meals and I have food prepared in the freezer should I become ill and not able to cook

We have microwave rice he can have too with the meals prepared

I’m more at risk due to work and it really does worry me. If I had to go into hospital my friend said she would take care of him she lives alone but that’s a risk to her

I think more than likely if I get it I will be poorly for a few days and we would muddle through

Bookoffacts · 04/04/2020 17:20

@EmAndes If I got ill would my 18yo daughter be allowed to care for my 11yo son in family home? I'm single mum, little other family.
Thanks for answering questions on this thread. Reassuring in these difficult times.

reginafelangee · 04/04/2020 17:22

Family, friends or emergency foster care

EmAndes · 04/04/2020 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1forsorrow · 04/04/2020 17:23

Knocksomesense I heard of a family where the mother was on drugs, single parent, children eventually taken into care when it was found out that the three year old was doing nappy changes and feeds. It made me cry but bloody hell what an amazing child.

CaryStoppins · 04/04/2020 17:27

Social services only place children in foster care as a last resort at the best of times, they would always look for family, friends or neighbours to take the child first. Even more so now. So I really wouldn't worry about SS forcing children in to care when there is a willing relative or friend on the scene.

Callimanco · 04/04/2020 17:27

I have written my kids a basic instruction book - simple recipes, how to turn on dishwasher and washing machine, that sort of thing. My main concern was that I nominally have an 18 year old in the house and worried that if I were hospitalised people would assume he would take over. However he is autistic and despite not having learning difficulties his self help skills are less well developed than my 8 year old's. Between all of them they would survive.

Knocksomesense · 04/04/2020 17:31

Kids are more capable than we give them credit for. My 3 year old was chopping mushrooms for our dinner yesterday. And this is my ds1 who is pretty immature in so many ways. I would hope that by 5 he would be able to use the toaster and make scrambled egg. He can pretty efficiently crack an egg now

alloutoffucks · 04/04/2020 17:32

Remember they only have to survive. Feed themselves and not burn the house down.
Also with 2 parents it is very unlikely you would be equally as poorly at the same time.
I would also take with a pinch of salt people saying they were so ill they could not lift their head off the pillow. Presumably they were still going to the toilet. And if you can go to the toilet, you can fetch food from the cupboard. Even if it was just biscuits.

Jaggerypokery · 04/04/2020 17:38

My DD has two under fives and worries about this. I’d get to hers somehow and stay and look after them as long as necessary. Needs must.