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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder who cares for children if parents get really sick?

100 replies

Idontwantthis · 04/04/2020 15:50

Just that really - dh and I have started feeling ill - 3 small dc.

If we get as ill as people seem to be while still being at home (I’ve read about people
Not having the energy to raise their heads etc) how on earth do we look after children when you can’t get any help to do so?

OP posts:

CaryStoppins · 04/04/2020 16:26

If we were literally so ill that we couldn't take care of the children's basic needs at all, then I think my mum (healthy early 60s) would come and get them and take them to her house.

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/04/2020 16:27

I have a baby , primary age dc and a teen under 16. . The teen would be fine alone, the other dc obviously would not.

CaryStoppins · 04/04/2020 16:28

A teen and primary age child between them would surely be fine helping with the baby though?

SimonJT · 04/04/2020 16:31

Mines 4, due to my health I would likely be seriously ill if I contracted it. My boyfriend would look after him (if he wanted to), if I die he would go to my closest friend.

I had emergency surgery a few years ago, my son went into temp foster care (he had only left foster care six weeks before!) until my friend could collect him and care for him.

I have had an alternative carer arranged from day one in case anything happens to me, it’s an arrangement we review together every 12 months to make sure we’re both still happy with it.

QuixoticQuokka · 04/04/2020 16:32

I'd leave a 14 and 16 year old, a 16 year old can care for their own newborn on their own.

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/04/2020 16:33

A teen and primary age child between them would surely be fine helping with the baby though?
No baby is newborn and other kids are disabled.

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/04/2020 16:33

Including the teen she could cope looking after herself but not her siblings.

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/04/2020 16:34

Also I have five primary age dc not just one.

CaryStoppins · 04/04/2020 16:37

Do you disabled dc already have a social worker? I'd maybe get in touch with them now and ask what the plan would be for emergency care.

LavenderQuartz · 04/04/2020 16:37

bloody hell @Knocksomesense thats the most gutsy thing i've ever heard a mumsnetter say! most are too wet to admit the kids will be able to serve without mummy helicoptering over them!!

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/04/2020 16:39

No they don't have a social worker we were told due to cuts their needs weren’t great enough as other children as they are in main stream school.
School SEN has been a good support though phoning and checking they have what they need.
Under normal circumstances they would go to God parents but they are in the extremely vulnerable group.

Knocksomesense · 04/04/2020 16:42

@LavenderQuartz they wouldn't exactly die. Not saying they would have a good week. I only worry about accidents and whether they would decide to take a bath. My two are pretty independent but would for sure spend the week naked. Maybe it's the postive/negative of having a 12 month age gap

KenDodd · 04/04/2020 16:43

I worry about this as well.

My children are 11, 13 and 14. If both me and my husband had to go to hospital I think the least worse option for them would be to stay in the house together on their own. We have no family. We do have good friends locally though. The complication of somebody taking them in would be that they may well be contaminated with CV themselves. I'm sure our friends would check on the every day and make sure they're ok. I think home alone would be less upsetting than foster care (if it was even available). I've filled the freezer with easy to cook shit food just in case they need it.

This situation is going to come up with some families, I wonder if SS have a plan for it? Do they let children just go and stay with friends? I wonder if they insist people must be approved foster parents or something?

I've had this discussion with a friend about her children, they're all younger than mine so couldn't stay home alone. Her and her husband are both hospital doctors and so fully expect to get CV at some point. Our plan was that if they were both in hospital (as patients) I would go to stay in her house with her children. Again, I wonder if SS would prevent this as I don't have a DBS etc even though this would be the least worse option for her children.

blue25 · 04/04/2020 16:45

Social care would take your children, although you may be lucky to get willing foster carers as your children probably have the virus.

NotGenerationAlpha · 04/04/2020 16:46

14 and 16!! I would hope they can survive with DH and me ill! I am glad to hear @Knocksomesense sharing her experience. If you manage with a 2 and 3 year old, I sure can with a 9 and 5. I got 7 days of ready meals in the freezer, stacked on a low shelf. I have shown my 9 year old how to pierce the film and put a baby stool up to use the microwave. And where the oven gloves are. She can make peanut butter sandwiches.

You can see I am worried and tried to prepare. I doubt we will get foster care as the system will surely overrun and also foster parents won’t want corona kids will they? And I’d rather the space go to those with younger children who needs help more.

NotNegan · 04/04/2020 16:46

I've been worried about this.

So, if my husband and I did become seriously ill with the virus, our son could go to my brothers?

NothingIsWrong · 04/04/2020 16:46

Mine are 12,10 and 7. They can all make food and look after themselves, I think we'd just have to muddle through.

stickerqueen · 04/04/2020 16:47

I know years ago when my mum was ill in hospital and there was no-one to care for me and my siblings was put into temporary foster care until mum was out of the hospital. I'm sure the same would happen now.

EmAndes · 04/04/2020 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotNegan · 04/04/2020 16:50

My poor brother 🤣

Seriously though, that's made me feel better. I wasn't sure if the mixing household rule prevented it.

LavenderQuartz · 04/04/2020 16:50

dont be so sure @stickerqueen there was a shortage of carers before the virus so will be even less now

and who will welcome in a probably infected child/children??

KenDodd · 04/04/2020 16:50

@stickerqueen
I think this situation is a bit different though. SS are likely to have loads of kids needing care all at the same time and foster carers might be unwilling to take in kids who may have CV.

Skeeter2020 · 04/04/2020 16:53

We had to do this last week with our baby DS. We were so so so ill. I honestly don't know how we got through it.

Local authorities have got emergency foster care places set up for parents who genuinely can't look after their dependents because of symptoms

Knocksomesense · 04/04/2020 16:53

I guess my reality wouldn't work if we had to go to hospital. I'd send them to my husbands cousin, I think. But in reality we would just have to let them fend for themselves. What choice is there? In fact, my two year old and three year old are currently hoovering the living room

FFSFFSFFS · 04/04/2020 16:54

@Knocksomesense - jesus christ that is not okay!

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