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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be able to deal with another women moving in with you?

108 replies

backdoormadness · 04/04/2020 08:39

A family member wants to move in with his girlfriend (I’ve only met her once in passing).

Avoiding the Coronavirus barriers to the move aibu for not wanting another ‘women’ under my roof? I feel like it would just be awkward like I’d need to get dressed everyday/have to clear a space on my shelf for her shampoo/get silently pissed if she ate the last of my favourite food etc etc but also making sure the house was spotless as I would for guests. I’m not sure if I’m being petty?

OP posts:
BunnytheBee · 04/04/2020 09:23

Why do you say “another ‘women’”

I think you mean woman, singular

I think it’s understandable not to want someone you barely know moving in. It clearly makes you uncomfortable so YANBU for that

Boom45 · 04/04/2020 09:25

I wouldn't want anyone I didn't know moving into my house, especially not now. If I had to have a stranger I'd probably rather it was a woman.

Colouringinbook · 04/04/2020 09:26

Is it your husband's girlfriend? Because that's obviously a no.

Son/daughter's girlfriend? Well it depends on their situation.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 04/04/2020 09:31

With no context offered it's very difficult to respond.

If DH wanted to move another woman in, obviously he'd be told to get to fuck.

If one of the DC's had a girlfriend whose personal circumstances warranted her moving in, we'd work it out.

Different contexts often lead to different responses, OP, and yours is quite difficult.

PerditaProvokesEnmity · 04/04/2020 09:33

God, some of you are (perhaps understandably) tetchy and (can't believe I'm saying this) unkind this morning. The OP isn't hard to understand if you bother to read it.

OP if you let them move in they'll have to accept your standards - and you can dress as you like. Who knows, they might both prove useful around the house, whether cooking or cleaning or providing unexpected entertainment.

Having comparative strangers in your home can be a bit of a challenge - and I wouldn't advise it at all if you're going to be completely on top of one another. But if there's room for each of you to get away from the others it might be a Good Thing to do. We don't always have to take the selfish option ...

PersonaNonGarter · 04/04/2020 09:35

Agree with all the other posters.

What is it about woman that isn’t applicable to person.

Cherrysoup · 04/04/2020 09:41

I’d say no-if you can. It would drive me nuts to have anyone other than my dh living with us.

Aragog · 04/04/2020 09:42

I have had another woman move into my home just over a week ago. We asked MIL to move in here for the duration, once our 14 days isolation finished. She was home alone and no longer able to visit FIL in hospital. I couldn't bear to think of her alone without her friendship support network available at this time so she moved in. I'm glad we did as FIL died earlier this week.

However, she's brought all her own toiletries. She has her own room. She is using the family bathroom with dd. We are sharing the same meals etc. And none of us are treating it like having a regular visitor. I'm still in my PJs in the evening. I'm still not doing extra cleaning and tidying. This morning I'm still laid in bed even though I know she is awake and up. We are all just treating it as going our own thing and no one is standing on ceremony.

I'm not saying having someone move in for a long period of time is going to be easy, especially in these circumstances but if you set out the expectations from the start it can be fine.

Aragog · 04/04/2020 09:43

Oh and once toiletries etc run out we will just buy more. We all use different anyway so will try and buy our own regardless. But can't say I'm concerned about things like that.

bridgetreilly · 04/04/2020 09:50

If she's moving in, then she's not a guest, so you don't have to worry about the housework. Make sure all the adults are equally responsible for that. Plus you can tell her off in words for eating your chocolate, you don't have to silently seethe.

It would, however, be kind to let her have space for her shampoo, yes.

The real question, it seems to me, is whether you like this specific woman, and the family member, enough to want to share a house with them.

Musmerian · 04/04/2020 09:59

I think you mean woman - singular. Unless there’s more than one?

LettyBriggs · 04/04/2020 10:00

I wouldn’t want anyone else moving with us, man, woman or child. Personally, I’d say no.

LakieLady · 04/04/2020 10:06

I can't even think of a family member I'd want to move in, never mind a stranger. I would feel uncomfortable about things like lolling on the sofa, in my pyjamas, watching crap tv while picking my nose and/or farting.

I don't think I know anyone who shares the low standards of decorum that prevail chez Lakie.

Original poster
backdoormadness · 04/04/2020 14:16

Sorry, I’ve not been sleeping well recently and woke up stressed (Maybe a reason for my piss poor grammar).

It’s my brother’s girlfriend. He’s stayed here for a month or so in the past when he’s between jobs and apparently they’ve both been on lockdown for the past two weeks.

I’m not a woman hater at all and reading back my reasons do sound pathetic and could easily be applied to men too. I guess my brother comes with his 2-in-1 shampoo and uses my shower gel. I remember my time at uni with all the petty arguments over milk/time in the bathroom/pulling weight in the house. We’re all going to be in lockdown for the next three months and I don’t know how comfortable I’ll be slobbing on the sofa for two days straight in the same set of PJs and eating Benny and Jerry’s straight out the tub - with my brother whatever - with someone I’ve barely met it feels a little awkward. Just the awkward chats while we’re both using the kitchen.

I just remember at uni my female housemates bitching about those who spend the days in their PJs are gross and for that year I made an effort to be dressed with makeup on at 9. I never felt at home in my own house.

Reading back I feel petty and maybe just over anxious.

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 04/04/2020 14:26

I wouldn't want her there. You don't know how long you will be in isolation with her and the fact is this is your home not a hotel.
If he wants to live with her tell him to go to her house.
You don't even know her. I think it's inappropriate that he's asked.

pinkyredrose · 04/04/2020 14:28

Just say no. What's the big deal, they can't move in anyway we're on lockdown.

Are you one of those women who 'gets on better' with men?.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 04/04/2020 14:29

If the family member wants to live with a girlfriend he finds his own home

Cherrysoup · 04/04/2020 14:32

I think you have to say no. It would make e very uncomfortable. Why does he want to stay with you? Does he not have his own place?

Clymene · 04/04/2020 14:38

I wouldn't want a total stranger moving into my home, whether they were male or female.

vanillandhoney · 04/04/2020 14:40

I wouldn't let a temporary house guest move in any kind of partner - it reeks of taking the piss to me. Gender has nothing to do with it.

But I'm a very private person and wouldn't want to live with anyone outside of my immediate family anyway.

Redshoeblueshoe · 04/04/2020 14:40

I'd tell them both to fuck off. Haven't they heard about lockdown. People aren't supposed to be moving round other people's houses.

MatildaTheCat · 04/04/2020 14:48

No, things are strange enough without having to adapt to a new household member. You could find she’s lovely but she may turn out to be a nightmare.

whitesoxx · 04/04/2020 14:58

Well she can't now anyway. Needs to stay where she is.

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/04/2020 15:00

So, let me see if I've got the situation right:

Your brother has asked if he and his girlfriend can move in with you during this lockdown. He has lived with you in the past, but you barely know her.

Is that the situation?

What's wrong with where they are currently?

GameSetMatch · 04/04/2020 15:00

Depends on who it is, I’d love it if my Sister in law (brothers wife) moved in but If my husbands sister moved into I’d be moving out.