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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Payment for shopping for someone else

101 replies

PlinkiePlonk · 03/04/2020 18:52

Again a wwyd. Following on from a previous thread, SIL - who wanted to use our garden as it’s bigger and has a habit of mild CFery which is often thwarted mind - is now self isolating.

As we are family I said to her we would pick some stuff up - well offered up DH. When DH phoned to see how they were getting on there was no mention of payment but that he had forgotten something. Surprisingly enough she still hasn’t paid. It’s not that much In cash terms though obviously the bar is set really. They are stuck inside. DH is not and there is, by all accounts, an expectation he makes the run for them again which is understandable with the whole isolation thing....

However, when would you chase for payment? Would you make the next shopping point the deadline and not do another run if they haven’t paid? Or is it an ‘all stick together, it’s not really important situation and just get over it’ situation...

OP posts:
Scarletoharaseyebrows · 04/04/2020 13:24

She's the one who should feel awkward about this not you. Be as brash about asking as you can. This is business.

Enough4me · 04/04/2020 13:31

Would you normally buy them Birthday or Christmas gifts or similar?

In which case I would not buy shopping for them again, and say rather than pay us back count it as an early gift for X and Y.

If they ask for help again you could simply say "money in advance, thanks".

Caselgarcia · 04/04/2020 13:32

Could you ask her to do a shop for you? And don't pay her.

FlamingoQueen · 04/04/2020 13:38

I had shopping delivered this morning, Some of which was for next door.
Within 2 hours of me putting it on their doorstep I had the money in my a/c.
If I were you, I would text and say “just want to make sure you entered the correct bank details because the money isn’t showing in my a/c yet”.
I’ve done this before for someone who didn’t pay me back!!
Do not do another shop until payment received. This could run into a lot of money!

PlinkiePlonk · 04/04/2020 13:47

PIL came to stay for a week with us and contributed nothing. The annoying thing is I know they wouldn’t dream of doing this (or that) to other members of the family but there are different rules for us because we are deemed to have extra advantages

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 04/04/2020 13:49

I agree with Flamingo. Send a text asking if the transfer went through okay as you've just checked account and money isn't showing.

Enough4me · 04/04/2020 14:00

Whatever happens now draw a line in the sand, stop being a mug to them. The CF pay their own way.

whitesoxx · 04/04/2020 14:12

"PIL came to stay for a week with us and contributed nothing"

Do you really expect parents to "contribute" when they visit? Confused

That's a separate issue from the shopping though.

Just ring and ask if she can transfer the money over today

PlinkiePlonk · 04/04/2020 14:17

I think if you have someone to stay you don’t expect them to walk in with nothing and then ‘need the toilet’ or ‘need to take a call’ when the bill for an evening out comes to the table when you have paid for everything including trips out.... Or maybe that’s just me

OP posts:
NotSorry · 04/04/2020 14:36

I agree with you OP - when my dad came to stay in January he treated us all to fish and chips one night

PlinkiePlonk · 04/04/2020 14:42

Anyway thanks all. Sent a reminder again. Let’s hope it jiggles the CF’s purse open

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 04/04/2020 14:44

Maybe her purse is self isolating in a handbag!!

SuburbanFraggle · 04/04/2020 14:50

Sometimes you have to pay cheeky fuckers to stop asking you for things. It is a gift.

For £50 now.
"PlinkiePlonk, please lend me a tenner. You still owe me that £50 for the shopping, so no." "PlinkiePlonk we are borrowing your fancy thing. No, I don't feel like doing you any favours when you decided that I should buy your family groceries without asking me first.'

LadyAddle · 04/04/2020 14:52

Absolutely make sure you're repaid before the next shop - your DH is potentially risking your family's health every time he does a shop, and the least she can do is appreciate your help. This could go on for weeks, and you'll be really out of pocket if she just trades on being family. I'm having to self isolate and I am so grateful to the kind neighbour who brings me necessities - I pay her by transfer immediately.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 04/04/2020 14:54

I wouldn’t not mention about what they owe from last time. Or bring them just what you can comfortably afford.

Wattagoose90 · 04/04/2020 15:31

If they ask again, get payment upfront

forrestgreen · 04/04/2020 15:44

I wouldn't message again but I wouldn't go shopping again either. So if they want shopping they'll have to pay up. Obviously you'll be out of pocket on the last run you do...

MigginsMrs · 04/04/2020 15:57

I wouldn’t not mention about what they owe from last time. Or bring them just what you can comfortably afford.

Why? OP isn’t a charity. If CF had got her items in a shop she’d have had to have paid there and then.

JKScot4 · 04/04/2020 16:01

Why are you doing her shopping? Both able bodied?

Thehop · 04/04/2020 16:06

Your husbands family are absolutely awful, OP

PlinkiePlonk · 04/04/2020 16:38

The money has jiggled free! Wool!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 04/04/2020 16:38

PIL came to stay for a week with us and contributed nothing

That's completely different and nothing to do with this thread.

This thread is about someone asking you to get some shopping for them and not paying what is owed.
So as 99% of people have said - she should have paid straight away.

usersouthcoast · 04/04/2020 16:48

Well done OP - although surely this should have been your husbands problem to chase?

cstaff · 04/04/2020 17:47

I would be reluctant to do any further favours for these CFs and if you do make sure that you get the money up front. Some people have no shame.

Enough4me · 04/04/2020 21:03

Lesson learnt - never give them anything unless you intend it to be a gift. Money upfront in the future.

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