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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Payment for shopping for someone else

101 replies

PlinkiePlonk · 03/04/2020 18:52

Again a wwyd. Following on from a previous thread, SIL - who wanted to use our garden as it’s bigger and has a habit of mild CFery which is often thwarted mind - is now self isolating.

As we are family I said to her we would pick some stuff up - well offered up DH. When DH phoned to see how they were getting on there was no mention of payment but that he had forgotten something. Surprisingly enough she still hasn’t paid. It’s not that much In cash terms though obviously the bar is set really. They are stuck inside. DH is not and there is, by all accounts, an expectation he makes the run for them again which is understandable with the whole isolation thing....

However, when would you chase for payment? Would you make the next shopping point the deadline and not do another run if they haven’t paid? Or is it an ‘all stick together, it’s not really important situation and just get over it’ situation...

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 03/04/2020 20:23

Next time she asks for shopping say "Sure but we are owed x for the last lot so you'll need to transfer that first", then shop, ask for transfer again, this time if they don't do it then wait until they ask again and say " It's one thing shopping for you but we have to pay each time and then remind you more than once, this could go on a while so sorry but no not unless we get payment up front from now on"

baubled · 03/04/2020 20:38

Hi SIL hope you're all doing okay self isolating! Just a quick reminder about the £XX from shopping the other day, let me know when you've transferred so I can check it gets here okay.

And if you're happy to do the next shop for them just add let us know if you need anything else and we'll do our best to get it to you xx

Likethebattle · 03/04/2020 20:40

Is everyone missing the fact that the OP says the CF has her bank details already.

PlinkiePlonk · 03/04/2020 21:04

So out of interest how long would you expect to wait? 12 hours? 24? 2 days? Would be great to get a feeling as to what’s reasonable

OP posts:
HotDogGuy · 03/04/2020 21:07

Most people are saying text her rather than wait.
You clearly don’t want to do that so you’ll probably have to wait for a long time and just get more annoyed

PlinkiePlonk · 03/04/2020 21:12

I have text her to ask she got the receipt and as I said she had the bank details. To my question as to if she got the receipt her response was ‘yup, thanks’. The question was more about how long until I make it explicit that she has to pay

OP posts:
PlinkiePlonk · 03/04/2020 21:13

And pay now

OP posts:
winterchills · 03/04/2020 21:15

I would expect payment within a day.

Snugglepumpkin · 03/04/2020 21:16

You have already waited long enough.
She has the shopping & the receipt.
If my sister was kind enough to do my shopping for me she would have the money the same day. (she is, if she didn't live so far away.)

MissConductUS · 03/04/2020 21:17

The question was more about how long until I make it explicit that she has to pay

When did your DH do the shop? If more than 24 hours ago, ask now. And no further shopping until they pay for the first.

TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg · 03/04/2020 21:18

If you're not willing to text her and chase up payment then you're allowing yourself to be taken for a mug. Don't offer to do anymore shopping then at the least.

StoorieHoose · 03/04/2020 21:19

Reply straight back to her yup thanks with 'let me know when you have transferred the cash please'

TheFormidableMrsC · 03/04/2020 21:23

She should have paid immediately. I've had several friends get shopping for me as I've just had surgery. I pay everything by PayPal as soon as I know how much. Today a friend did a big shop for me and I transferred my guess of the total plus an extra tenner before they went as I knew it was quite a large amount for them to pay out. It's just rude not to. Just text with "can you pay for shopping please". If you don't knock this on the head now she'll take the piss.

LesLavandes · 03/04/2020 21:24

Don't offer to shop for her again. Just ask her to transfer the payment today please.

In no way shop for her until she has paid you

Aussiegirl123456 · 03/04/2020 21:26

Wait for her to ask for the next lot of shopping and just tell her to get f*cked because she didn't pay for the last lot. Write off what she owes as it'll be money well spent in the long term.

Or if you want to be nicer just say "sorry SIL, money is tight for us and we struggled last week when you didn't pay us the money you owe. We don't mind going out and collecting food for you, however we can not afford to feed you". Then if she insists or whatever, make sure you get money upfront beforehand in the future.

Frankly she needs you more than you need her.

MigginsMrs · 03/04/2020 21:31

They should pay it the same day, seeing as that’s how it would have worked if she’d got to the shop! Cheeky fucker. Don’t do any more shopping for her until she pays and tell her she’ll need to transfer it before you drop it off next time, your H will text her the amount when he’s leaving the supermarket.

baubled · 03/04/2020 22:00

Same day, absolute max next day. She's clearly ignoring your hint about the receipt, if you ask her straight out then she can't carry on pretending. There's nothing wrong with asking for her to transfer it, if you feel awkward about it just be really polite so there's not much room for a twatty reply x

finn1020 · 03/04/2020 22:08

Payment might not show up for a day or so after she’s made it, so is it possible she’s done this already but it’s not cleared into your account yet?

WifflyWaffle · 03/04/2020 22:08

I’d reply to the ‘yup thanks’ message with ‘great - can you transfer the payment to us now then? Thanks x’

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 03/04/2020 22:09

Gosh we picked up some shopping for some neighbours who are isolating and they were badgering me with wanting pay before we'd delivered their shop, bless them.
Think it's time your DH steps up and tells his DSis to pay up!

WifflyWaffle · 03/04/2020 22:11

They should be paying you quickly, not needing multiple reminders and hints. You’ve done them a favour - it’s just plain rude for them to put you in this awkward position.

msmith501 · 03/04/2020 22:12

I'm not sure why you are beating around the bush despite the advice given here. Surely it's a simple text along the lines of "can you please transfer £xx to the account details provided today. Thank you"

BackforGood · 03/04/2020 22:15

I have text her to ask she got the receipt and as I said she had the bank details. To my question as to if she got the receipt her response was ‘yup, thanks’. The question was more about how long until I make it explicit that she has to pay

In the same conversation, I would have then said, "So can you transfer the money then please" (presuming this is more than a few hours after shopping was delivered).

Keep in mind we are all answering this without any information you might not have given, such as your sister not having any income at the moment..............

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 03/04/2020 22:23

I would have transferred the money before you went shopping did me.

If it came to more then you would have got the extra.

Why does she expect her shopping for free?

Has she been furloughed? Or her husband/DP?

Is there a reason she would be financially struggling (more than you)?

If not then she pays you straight away.

LolaDarkdestroyer · 03/04/2020 22:23

Seriously it's not hard..,.can you pay now please

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