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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Payment for shopping for someone else

101 replies

PlinkiePlonk · 03/04/2020 18:52

Again a wwyd. Following on from a previous thread, SIL - who wanted to use our garden as it’s bigger and has a habit of mild CFery which is often thwarted mind - is now self isolating.

As we are family I said to her we would pick some stuff up - well offered up DH. When DH phoned to see how they were getting on there was no mention of payment but that he had forgotten something. Surprisingly enough she still hasn’t paid. It’s not that much In cash terms though obviously the bar is set really. They are stuck inside. DH is not and there is, by all accounts, an expectation he makes the run for them again which is understandable with the whole isolation thing....

However, when would you chase for payment? Would you make the next shopping point the deadline and not do another run if they haven’t paid? Or is it an ‘all stick together, it’s not really important situation and just get over it’ situation...

OP posts:
Original poster
PlinkiePlonk · 03/04/2020 22:24

No issues on income from her side. Very, very stable set of employment for her and her DP.

OP posts:
cstaff · 03/04/2020 22:25

Some people are such pisstakers and they are really chosing the wrong time because for once the CFs don't have the advantage - you do. Just text them saying that they need to pay as you are short of cash and won't be able to do this again if they leave you short.

My neighbour was insisting on paying me today and that was only for a bloody paper.

suggestionsplease1 · 03/04/2020 22:31

I'm assuming this is your DH's sister? In which case leave him to sort it out and forget it altogether - his issue, not yours. Families have different ways of operating; if I was doing a favour for my brother like this I would not ask for payment, likewise him with me.

CallMeRachel · 03/04/2020 22:44

yup, thanks

My response to that would be The shopping Money hasn't come through yet?? Confused

Megan2018 · 03/04/2020 22:52

I had some shopping delivered for my neighbours on my Ocado today, they asked for bank details straight away. I’ve not sent yet as not had 5 mins to add it up and send it, but will do so tomorrow. I think 48hrs is acceptable for small amounts. Any longer is rude and for large amounts should be sooner.
For the record I think my neighbours was about £40 and I paid on credit card, statement for which not due for 3.5 weeks so I can afford to wait. But they don’t know that.

Caterinaballerina · 03/04/2020 22:53

I’d reply to the ‘yup thanks’ with ‘great, if you can transfer the ££ by tomorrow please, I’d prefer for you to pay after each shop rather than a big one off so I know where I am. This implies you always thought she would pay but are making a request as to when. Saves her having to look embarrassed but gets you paid hopefully

melj1213 · 03/04/2020 22:53

To my question as to if she got the receipt her response was ‘yup, thanks'

Oh good you know that the shopping came to £XX.xx then, so can you let me know when you have transferred the money so I can look out for the payment to our account. Thanks SIL!

Job done

SuburbanFraggle · 03/04/2020 23:03

I’ve not sent yet as not had 5 mins to add it up and send it

You've had five minutes on Mumsnet. Pay what you owe. 48 hrsBiscuit

999caffeineplease · 03/04/2020 23:10

@SuburbanFraggle I think PP was saying she had ordered food on behalf of her neighbours but hadn’t sent her details for them to pay what they owe

Sh05 · 03/04/2020 23:16

We added some items for my parents and inlaws onto our last shop, both paid straight away when we dropped it off. My mum paid double to cover us if there is a next time!
You've had some good suggestions and the lockdown means you don't have to do this face to face, a message is so much easier.
Bite the bullet op!

SuburbanFraggle · 04/04/2020 00:09

Oh, I'm sorry I got the wrong end of the stick. I thought it was a person saying they would pay someone else when they got round to it.

thegcatsmother · 04/04/2020 01:00

My Mum writes me a cheque when I drop off her shopping.

Kisskiss · 04/04/2020 01:15

Just text her to say: hi, wondering if you’ve done the bank transfer for the groceries? Don’t see it yet in my account so checking nothing’s gone wrong...

You don’t have to give reasons why you want YOUR money.. 2-3 days post delivery is not too soo to send that text. Btw she can always pay a delivery service, if you’re in a big city there’s lots of enterprising suppliers doing next day deliveries of fresh veg meat fruit and dairy.. and essential household items

Dieu · 04/04/2020 01:19

It depends how much is owing. If it was a fiver's worth - or say, bread and milk - then we'd die a death before asking for that back. It would be considered an embarrassment. But anything that's a tenner or over, I'd expect it back. And obviously all those fivers add up, so I wouldn't expect to be doing it the whole time. A couple of one-offs is ok though.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 04/04/2020 01:21

Just send her a text and say ‘your shopping was £22.10, +£5 delivery bank transfer is best’

seriously CF of first order

BeaLola · 04/04/2020 03:41

I picked up some bits for neighbours & put a list in bag that I left outside for them - within 5 mins I had a text thanking me and asking for account details and about 10 mins later they had sent money through ( was £42)

Dieu · 04/04/2020 12:05

You can't charge family extra for delivery. Jesus Christ Hmm

HaudMaDug · 04/04/2020 12:17

Just remind her that if she'd done her own shopping she'd have had to pay at once. The Coop didn't offer me 2 or 3 days/weeks to decide when I wanted to pay.

boringrobot · 04/04/2020 12:20

Just ask her to pay. You are doing her a favour and she is being rude and cheeky not paying immediately if she can do a bank transfer. And she risks you not helping her further so just insist she pays.

ThePants999 · 04/04/2020 12:25

If I were your SIL, you'd have been paid within 2 minutes of me knowing how much I owed you. That's what's reasonable. If they'd bought their own shopping, they'd have had to pay before they got their shopping home, so just because you got it for them doesn't give them any reason at all to pay any later.

Original poster
PlinkiePlonk · 04/04/2020 12:51

Yup a clear 24 hours now and no sign though I was pretty explicit last night. In fact when DH and I were talking to PIL last night he said he would go for her again if she pays him for this trip at which point FIL laughed and said ‘yeah, chase her for it’. I get the distinct impression it’s not going to paid. I hear a lot about ‘family‘ helping each other out but it seems to mainly focus on the fact that they thought we would just let them use the garden as it was bigger, or provide care for DS whilst they work as we WFH. I really do wonder what else is said I don’t actually get wind of.

OP posts:
MayTheGodsBeEverInYourFavour · 04/04/2020 13:07

Definitely don't go for them again if they don't pay / within a reasonable time. They wouldn't expect to go to a shop & not pay for their food. You have bills to pay, too, & can't afford any financial uncertainty right now. Tough, they have made their bed & can lie in it.

strawberry2017 · 04/04/2020 13:15

Text her now and ask her for the money.
If she doesn't pay then your lesson is learnt and you do NOTHING to help her again.
If she asks for more shopping you have to be straight with her and say no not until you pay us for last time.
Just be direct don't send messages which she can chose to read how she wants.

starfishmummy · 04/04/2020 13:21

FIL laughed and said ‘yeah, chase her for it’. I get the distinct impression it’s not going to paid.

Sounds like he has experience if her not paying what she owes.

cstaff · 04/04/2020 13:22

Just say no next time.