to be upset that Dp lied to me

[vicky55]

We have been together 3 years and have 2 dd's together and when i asked him if he was ever engaged his always said no.I was speaking to his SIL last night and when he was 17 he proposed to his GF.I just dont understand why he had to lie and he was really pissed off that i found out.The only reason im so f*ed of is i picked my engagement ring nearly 18 months ago and he still hasn't paid for it.Its £700 which he could quite easily pay for over 3 weeks.I just feel really sad that he felt he had to lie.Sorry for the long moan.

YANBU
You need to speak to him and tell him how sad you feel about this small lie, and about the engagement ring. Did he actually propose to you?

He probably doesn't count it - I mean 17 is very young and to tell you the truth I don't think I would admit a Jason and Kylie moment of madness either. To be fair he probably is just embarrassed and didn't think it was important.

He said its because he hates talking about the past.I just hate that i had to find out from someone else .No he hasn't proposed to me because he has not paid for the ring yet well thats what reason he uses.

"I was speaking to his SIL last night and when he was 17 he proposed to his GF."

sorry but did she say yes?
just wondering in case you got the wrong end of the stick and he might not like talking about it cause she said no.

I'm confused about your ring - did you buy one for yourself before he proposed to you?

In my experience, people who hate talking about the past are people who will lie repeatedly to make the past match with what they wish had happened.

he will keep lying, you need to make it very clear that lying is a deal breaker.

"when i asked him if he was ever engaged his always said no"

Umm, do you ask him these kind of questions often? A lot of men don't like talking about their past (and lots of women too) I think we have all got the odd moment of madness in our past which we might not want our current partner to know about.

As long as he has been faithful to you these past 3 years, I don't really see what the problem is.

I just dont see why he had to lie about it.Yes she said yes but SIL said they split son after.No he hasn't proposed to me but we went to pick a ring 18 months ago and i didnt thik i was going to be waiting this long to get it.

Vicky55
Sounds like there are a few things you need to sit down and have a talk about.
The longer you leave these feeling to fester for the worse you will feel.
Get it all out in the open.

heprob knows you were going to go apeshit - if it were me i would rather avoid a war.

so take this opportunity to pick your battles and tell him that it doesn't matter becuase it turned out well in the end.

save it for other stuff - this is really just silly

agree with custardo. Perhaps you're focussing on this past issue because really, you're concerned about not really being engaged to him yourself?

If I were you I'd focus on getting a chat with him and sorting that to both your satisfaction, if possible. I do think if he wanted to he would have the ring for you by now; it seems pretty clear that he doesn't actually want to be engaged yet. I guess you both need to sort that situation.

Perhaps this other issue will fade if you sort the current thing. OK so it was a lie but as others have said the guy was 17, it's ancient history and it really is pointless talking about what's past. Life's too short.

im not sure i understand. you went to pick a ring together even though he hadn't proposed?

maybe he didnt consider that they were properly engaged,maybe he never got her a ring.

did he ask you to pick out a ring or did you just tell him you wanted one?

why does getting engaged matter to you so much if you are already committed to each other?

yes, I genuinely don't get the 'ring thing' - if you were going to pick out a ring, he must have proposed/you must have agreed to get married?