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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gutted we will have to stay but to try and make it work

130 replies

Soggyundercarriage · 03/04/2020 07:20

We were ready to sell our tiny house and plan was to rent for a while. We have massively outgrown this house and I'm gutted we have to stay now.
We have two dc in a 2 bed modern house that is very small. There is a large age gap so can't share and rooms aren't big enough anyway.
Well now we're stuck so WIBU to buy a sofa bed and sleep downstairs while the dc have a room each. There isn't a spare soon downstairs so we would be sleeping in the lounge.
Would this work in reality do you think?

OP posts:

CoralFish · 03/04/2020 10:11

I’m only 32, I don’t think things have vastly changed in the lives of teenagers in the 14 years since I shared a room?

I think the PP meant the current social distancing thing. With everyone stuck in their homes, teenager needs their own space for schoolwork etc.

scoobydoo1971 · 03/04/2020 10:19

Here are a couple of suggestions:

Curtain rail across one bedroom so each child has their own section/ area to customise as they wish. You could give them beds with study desks underneath to optimise their space.
A fold up spring based bed in the lounge that you can slide up to the wall to reclaim space during the day.
Partition stud wall in the lounge to make a small lounge and extra bedroom.
A conservatory added to the house so you can have a downstairs bedroom and the dining/ lounge area can go there. I insulated mine with thermal roofing materials to make it warm in winter.
An outdoor shed or summer house for the kids to have a playroom. I am currently building one in my garden to give them outdoor space.

Ohwiseone · 03/04/2020 10:28

There are 5 years between my ds and dd. Until I could afford to buy a 3 bed home my 2 children had the bedrooms in our teeny 1 bedroom, 1 box room starter home and I slept on a sofa bed.
I invested in a really comfy proper sprung sofa bed and in the 4 years I used it, I never suffered any back pain etc.

I didn’t mind not having any personal space as such, my wardrobe of clothes was in my ds room so I’d make sure I’d got what I was wearing the next day out before he went to bed and I’d shower and get dressed in the bathroom and have sofa bed away most mornings before the children were up. It worked for us and enabled my ds to have a teenage boy room and my dd had her megawatt pink bedroom too. My mortgage on the house was tiny too and this helped me eventually save enough for us to move to our dream 3 bed home we are in now. For me, it was worth the sacrifice but definitely look at spending the extra ££ on a decent sofa bed otherwise your back will suffer.

Alsohuman · 03/04/2020 10:29

I can’t believe everyone saying the kids have to share. No way would I make a 13yo share with a 5yo

And I can’t believe anyone thinking it’s better for the parents to not have their own space. When did children become more important than adults and their “needs” come first? Small wonder there’s so much entitlement.

Syncrows · 03/04/2020 10:30

It is disgusting. Who wants their memories of childhood being crammed in the same space as your brother?

MintyMabel · 03/04/2020 10:30

Well now we're stuck so WIBU to buy a sofa bed and sleep downstairs while the dc have a room each

You need your own space to escape to. I wouldn’t decamp to the living room.

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 03/04/2020 10:34

So 2 grown adults have been sharing a room with a 5 year old, so a 13 year old doesn't need to share their room. Sorry but that's crazy.

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 03/04/2020 10:36

It is disgusting. Who wants their memories of childhood being crammed in the same space as your brother?

WTF 😂😂

whatsleep · 03/04/2020 10:45

It won’t be forever, your teenager is old enough to understand that right now we all have to make do to some extent. Put the children in together and you and your husband have the other room.

Aragog · 03/04/2020 10:48

I am 10 years older than my sister and we shared. Whilst in a perfect world it is nicer to have separate rooms, sometimes - at least short term - it isn't possible.

Could you look at you and your DH/P taking the smaller room, and the children having the larger one? Simply as two singles take up more room overall than two singles.

Otherwise bunk beds.

SunshineCake · 03/04/2020 10:48

Things are different now.

Therefore time to come up with and accept different options.

It is that simple.

Aragog · 03/04/2020 10:52

You can’t put your dcs in together as your 13 yo needs a private space to study atm

Lots of children are having to study at home at the moment. Most probably dont have their own space.

Heck, lots of adults don't either! me and dh are both working in the dining room. Everyone manages if they need to.

I’d not make them share. The 13 year old needs his or her own space.

Why, exactly?
Want, prefer, ideally - sure.
Need - no, no one actually NEEDS a room of their own, especially when there simply isn't space in the house.

When I was 13y Id have liked a room of my own. But there is no chance I would have allowed my parents to sleep on a sofa bed in the living room in order to do so! I'd have been embarrassed to have done so.

IPityThePontipines · 03/04/2020 11:05

The children share a bedroom, the two adults share a bedroom. Sorted.

TerrorWig · 03/04/2020 11:08

I decent, for daily use sofa bed that is not a small double will easily cost you £1000+.

No I wouldn’t do this. I respect their need for space; but they also need to respect your need for comfort. You wouldn’t even be able to test out a decent sofa bed.

This is an extraordinary time. Your children need to make sacrifices like we all do. I would make them share. It’s not going to be for the long term.

(Also when summer comes the teen can camp in the garden )

TheHarryFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 03/04/2020 11:11

I’d keep the five year old in with you.

AmberleighMouse · 03/04/2020 11:21

I think it's OK to move away from the idea of using the downstairs in the daytime and the upstairs at night. It seems such a waste to me. Parents sleeping in the living room doesn't have to mean they don't get their own space, it just means there need to be firm boundaries in place, with parents not afraid to banish the kids when needed!

Equally I certainly don't think a 13 year old needs separate space to study. They need a quiet space away from the little one, but that could be a shared space with other people working (Eg dining table) or done by keeping 5 year old out of their shared room at certain times. Or even small desk in parents' bedroom.

Joliany · 03/04/2020 11:25

I would do that, sounds like a reasonable plan, although where will you keep all your stuff? You'd need a very decent sofa bed. And ground rules about when the living room is evacuated at night (to give you some space).

Joliany · 03/04/2020 11:26

Unless you can partition a bit in your room for 5 year old?

LostInTheWoods1 · 03/04/2020 11:30

There’s 10 years between me and my sister I was sharing a room with her until I was 16 when my brother officially moved out after university. It wasn’t ideal but my parents would have never kept her in their room to allow me as a teenager my own space, they needed privacy more than I did! Our bedroom was tiny, had to have bunk beds but we managed. My sister only really slept in the room, her toys were kept downstairs and I had a big desk for school work. She didn’t play in there.

Just put the children in the same room and keep the youngest toys etc in the living room, or other downstairs room if you have one. I’m sure you’ll be able to move out in the next 12 months so it isn’t forever.

Original poster

Soggyundercarriage · 03/04/2020 11:31

Ok thanks for all the ideas.. have skimmed through so will reread later but just to add.
Both dc are dame sex and both are my husbands if that's makes a difference.
The small bedroom would fit our bed but with a few cm either side so would have to shuffle off the end each time. It's a longer thin box room.
We will move when we can but in my head I've already gone and was so looking forward to a bedroom each
We've managed as we are for so long that a bit longer won't hurt but if it's going to be another year then I wondered about sleeping downstairs to give them a tom each.
My youngest has never been able to show his friends "his" room on play dates
And my eldest would gladly share with his brother, he'd understand and make do but I don't want him too.
Small problems in the grand scheme of things but they're my thoughts nonetheless
Thanks again for all the ideas, will absorb them later when I get a minutes peace!

OP posts:

CanadaPolice · 03/04/2020 11:31

There are lots of people in this situation.
My DD's friend shared a room with her brother until he left to go to university. Council flat, they just had to put up with it. They had bunk beds in a tiny room. If there simply isn't any choice, what can you do.
Last night on the news they were talking to entire families stuck in one room and a shared kitchen.

Lllot5 · 03/04/2020 11:34

I shared with my sister until I got married. Ages ago now I realise but we only had two bedrooms so we got in with it.
Did mark a line down the middle once with masking tape because she is so untidy, but we did it.

LostInTheWoods1 · 03/04/2020 11:37

You can also buy shorty bunk beds that are shorter than a standard bed, we are getting one for one of my children’s bedroom, more just to save space as she’s only 4 and doesn’t need a full sized bed taking up so much room. They are 20cm shorter but still long enough to fit an adult, I mean unless your son is 6ft 4.

screwcovid19 · 03/04/2020 11:38

Of course it would work.

Dinoctoblock · 03/04/2020 11:38

I’m surprised about all the people saying the 13yo and 5yo should share. The 13yo is in lockdown like the rest of us and feeling all the “cabin fever” that brings and guess what? Now you don’t get a room to yourself either! Seems unnecessarily cruel.

I think the sofa bed in the lounge idea sounds like the only fair solution. Get the best one you can afford and make it comfortable. If the kids have their own rooms you can say the lounge is adult only from 9pm onwards and you get some privacy and time to yourselves. Good luck.

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