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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to fed up with Virtue Signalling

165 replies

Dipi79 · 02/04/2020 14:09

Just that, really.
It's great that people are doing things for others/being considerate, but doesn't posting on Social Media seem a bit boasty?

OP posts:
tinkerbellla · 02/04/2020 21:49

I've deleted Facebook and Instagram because of this and also people aggressively posting 'stay the fuck at home' repeatedly. Of course I'm staying at home and if you know people who you think may not, make some new friends...

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 02/04/2020 21:59

No,you're not unreasonable and yes it is annoying.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 02/04/2020 22:00

I know I’m probably being unreasonable but aren’t bin men just doing their job?

Cottagepieandpeas · 02/04/2020 22:03

Or Virtual Signalling, as my Ex always insisted it was called.

Thank you for this thread, I'm Glad to be Grumpy.

Did these sort of people not know about the NHS before now? Not know that nurses, Drs, cleaners, porters, lab technicians work very hard, often on low pay?
Well at least they've realised now, let's hope they remember in the future.

scaryreading · 02/04/2020 22:10

@x2boys Grin totally agree with you. That is priceless

I know this a serious thread. My dps are similar age and would have been babies in WW2 and are now 'elderly'. At least get your demographic right if you want to post such drivel on fb about fighting in WW2 & supermarkets etc

Ritascornershop · 02/04/2020 22:11

It just seems awfully easy to stand on your doorstep and clap (& other acts of public do-gooder confirmation). It’s a lot harder when not in times of national crisis to actually show up and do practical things. I get that morale may be important in times like this (or not, not really sure, has anyone studied this?), but so is doing things, and doing them for groups who get less publicity.

I was talking to my son about this, but he disagreed and said that optics matter, it helps educate people and whatnot. To me, though, it too often comes at the expense of action that actually affects change. Where I live, for example, the government periodically issues apologies to Indigenous people over whatever historical wrong is being highlighted. Then it’s dust hands off, job done. Does their housing improve? No. Does their education, or the water on reserves, or their rate of unemployment? No. Similarly with the masses of mentally ill and addicted homeless here. Lots of posts about how Margie has feed the homeless with sandwiches hand-delivered, or served birthday cake at the shelter. That’s nice, but I’d like to see Margie put similar efforts into addressing the reasons people get addicted in the first place.

If makes the do-gooders feel good, but does it fix any of these things long-term? Nope. A bit of both I could wrap my head around, but it’s 90/10 & so just gets on my nerves.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 02/04/2020 22:21

OMG I completely agree. I actually found myself yearning for the Catholic version of giving I remember from my youth - and I am so lapsed it's ridiculous - but just the privacy of donating in a sealed envelope at mass every week. Gary Lineker has donated two month's money to the Red Cross, I mean, good for him, but I'm a freelancer who earned £100 in March. I don't have it to give. The amount of pressure this is putting on people is ridiculous, whether it's clapping or home schooling or donating. It's too much.

Petiolaris · 02/04/2020 22:34

I posted a humorous status about things I no longer need because I’m stuck in the house - shoes and bus pass etc. My friend commented I no longer need the books and old laptop that I donated to the hospital 🙄

The homeschooling posts are peeing me off too. Mums making scented play dough and painting pictures and dying rice for their kids to play with. I don’t have access to paint or dye or play dough ingredients, I can’t afford to buy them even if I could get a delivery slot, and I need to keep the rice for us to eat. Plus I’m isolating with small DC and quite frankly I can barely cope with 24/7 childcare never mind have the energy to organise craft activities.

drumandthebass · 02/04/2020 22:50

I'm sick of the people who think they're "hilarious" and honestly think we will all find them hilarious too. For example the family who changed the words to a song from Les Mis. and have been on BBC Breakfast twice this week. People just stop thinking we want to see your unfunny shit.

mooboy · 02/04/2020 22:58

So utterly fed up with the covid saints/police who seem to spend their entire time preaching, shaming and criticizing other people, while thinking they are doing a great job! News flash - making people feel like shit - is never doing a great job - you are contributing to the collective misery but that does not seem to matter - it's all about being a self righteous arseholes who pretends to give a shit about people but they only really care about themselves.

Whatafustercluck · 02/04/2020 23:25

I'm going to go against the grain here, but I like seeing and hearing about all the good deeds, in much the same way I'm really enjoying BBC Breakfast at the moment trying to keep people's spirits up. I'd much rather see pictures of happy home schooled children on Facebook than dozens of posts lamenting how hard it all is. It is fucking hard. We all know it's fucking hard. For everyone. So let's see the updates full of people taking pleasure from whatever they can at such a shitty, miserable time. Ginger bread men for the neighbours? Brilliant. Clapping those on the frontline? Bring it on. And let people joke about it, too. Whatever gets them through. Scroll past if it pisses you off. Or take a social media holiday.

mooboy · 02/04/2020 23:32

I like seeing and hearing about all the good deeds Happy for this too - it's the preachy assholes joy suckers I can't stand.

user1471565182 · 03/04/2020 05:05

There's also a more obnoxious sort of opposite of this- the usual pathetic angry little right wing men have suddenly appeared on international charity comments, for example one for an appeal for aid to Yemen, claiming its 'bad taste to bring this up' and 'we got are own problems rite now' (sic) ' I shit you not.

Fifthtimelucky · 03/04/2020 07:25

I agree with just about everything everyone has said except two: the Italian singers and the Les Mis family.

Yes, we can all sit individually and listen to the world's greatest singers if we want to, but singing with others has all sorts of benefits for those taking part.

I haven't seen the Les Mis family being interviewed but I think the clip of them singing is great.

Neither seem to me to be about virtue signalling. More about a family or neighbours coming together to have fun doing something they enjoy.

triedandtestedteacher · 03/04/2020 07:34

I didn't like the les Mis family either. Probably teachers

Seeitsortit · 03/04/2020 07:45

I have someone on Facebook that would be difficult to delete so often snooze. There she was with her husband clapping for keyworkers.......and three days earlier had been slagging off the police........and don’t get me started on the ‘please don’t spam my Facebook with silly requests’ shite followed by my Facebook page being filled up by her filling mine up with spam about ‘if you were isolating with me who would be who......’

BigGee · 03/04/2020 08:26

I'm a miserable old got, but what, exactly, does the clapping do? Does it make extra money and desperately needed safety equipment appear in NHS hospitals? Does it help the scientists run the tests? I know its supposed to represent our gratitude but that's pretty hard to accept as sincere when the country's political views are what's allowed the erosion of this very service. Oh, you're grateful, NOW? Now that you're much more likely to need it? Huh. Fancy that.

Mascotte · 03/04/2020 08:29

I think there was less here last night

TheGoogleMum · 03/04/2020 08:36

Yeah really nice people don't brag. I volunteered to help take some nappies and formula to parents who were struggling to find any amongst the panic buying. I didn't post that I had done this anywhere. I haven't even told my family... maybe this counts as bragging now but none of you know who I am :p I didn't do the clap though, I had a baby tocget robbed and am a key worker myself who would rather a pay rise than a weekly clap when I'm trying to get my child to sleep...

TheGoogleMum · 03/04/2020 08:36

*baby to get to sleep

LakieLady · 03/04/2020 08:43

I’m hugely impressed by underpaid grocery store staff, chemist shop staff, postal workers, transit etc working through this. I don’t see the big fuss being made of them, so that’s part of what makes me 😑 at all of this

Yes, no-one thinks about the lorry drivers who get the food to the shops, or the warehouse workers, the people working for the utility companies that keep everything running and so on. But they'd be the first to kick off if they couldn't use the internet because BT OpenReach staff were all furloughed.

hibeat · 03/04/2020 08:45

Was in tears last night when one of my childhood friend a doctor in another country telling me that basically he used up all his ppe and "recycling", was facing patients daily (country still in peak) but things were fine. no it's not fine. vertue signalling is for the non exhausted doing nothing with an ego the size of the moon.

Floisme · 03/04/2020 08:56

Thank God. I thought it was just me.

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 03/04/2020 08:58

I agree with everything - I am reminded of these verses from the Bible - “hide your light under a bushel” and “do good in secret”.

i am not of course, no, no way, doing my bit by keeping chocolate manufacturers in business. Oh no, not me

letmeinthroughyourwindow · 03/04/2020 09:17

I agree about the virtue signalling. You can do good things without signposting it you narcissistic twat.

It also makes me think - if you put every good dead you ever do on social media, you've never really done any good deeds before have you?

And the 'good deeds' that are actually just a pita to the recipient. Will bin men appreciate collecting dozens of homemade cakes, or eat them? I doubt it.

But singing from the balconies, coming to your front door to clap, happy pictures of successful home-school lessons are in a different category imo and I like hearing about those.