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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still TTC amidst all this

80 replies

jennylouisaa · 02/04/2020 12:13

Already posted elsewhere but posting here for more advice!
Me and my husband have been TTC for a year. It's been a tough journey so far and as my husband is older than me, we've felt a bit like we're running out of time. Not physically, but doesn't want to be pushing fifty and have a newborn!
If it were you, would you carry on TTC? It's a scary time, but it's hard to give up on something that you want so badly. I know it might be best to wait till this is over, but who knows when that will be

OP posts:

zigaziga · 02/04/2020 12:16

I would carry on if I were you. This won’t last forever.

Original poster

jennylouisaa · 02/04/2020 12:20

@zigaziga thanks for the positivity, I needed that today

OP posts:

Namechanger0800 · 02/04/2020 12:27

I asked this question a while ago and we have decided to stop ttc at the present time. I don't want to be pg during a pandemic and worry about available healthcare support and also going to hospitals/ clinics during a pg. That being said we already have children so if we did not and time was running out in terms of our ages then I think the answer may have been different

n00bMaster69 · 02/04/2020 12:28

I wouldn't try to conceive at the moment. We don't know if/ how the virus affects a foetus.

MsChatterbox · 02/04/2020 12:30

It depends, would you be happy to wait for a couple of years? I think realistically that is how long it will take for vaccines etc. I'm pregnant atm due in June. I think if I knew about the pandemic beforehand I would still want to be pregnant even though its not ideal.

VegetableMunge · 02/04/2020 12:34

I wouldn't choose to. I see that he's late 40s but how old are you?

myfav · 02/04/2020 12:39

I would not mainly due to lack of support during the pregnancy, scans and potentially birth alone. Obviously I would be worried about potential effects of the virus on pregnancy as this can't be known at this time. Finally I think if there is a baby boom that doesn't fall to the advantage of the children when it comes to school places etc as more competition that year.

Cabbiefix · 02/04/2020 12:40

We're in the same boat, we've been trying for a year and a half now and will continue to keep going during this time.

My view, we don't know how long this will last but I'm not getting any younger, I don't want to put it off and this won't last forever xx

Quickquestion2020 · 02/04/2020 12:40

We also have a big age gap with a husband in his 40s. I really can't decide which means my pill probably isn't working anyway! Its finances I'm most scared about. We dont know what the future holds for us but I feel like it's now or never and I cant accept never. Sorry I cant be actually helpful!

AnPo · 02/04/2020 12:43

If time isn't on your side I would absolutely continue trying.

CeibaTree · 02/04/2020 12:50

In your position I would keep trying. If you were both 25 and in perfect reproductive health then it might be prudent to wait, but as you say time is running out. Good luck!

Geepipe · 02/04/2020 13:05

I would keep ttc unless the WHO or other experts officially say dont ttc. So far they have said theres no evidence it affects a foetus and low risk to a further along pregnancy (although they suggest transmittion to mother to foetus is possible).

Original poster

jennylouisaa · 02/04/2020 13:10

Thanks everyone, it's so nice to hear from people in the same boat!
I'm 30 and hubby is mid 40s. Like other people have said, we could wait 3/6 months but it could turn out to be a year before this is over, and I definitely wouldn't want to wait that long.
I've always said I wanted at least two children, as I was an only child and hated it. If we have to wait a year and nine months for the first and another 2 years for the second my hubby will need a Zimmer frame to play with them!

OP posts:

queenqueenqueen · 02/04/2020 13:22

He definitely won't need a Zimmer frame!! You sound like us my hubby is 46,and I'm 31 and have been TTC for 18 months ☹️

Quickquestion2020 · 02/04/2020 13:24

Plus, and this is what I tell my husband, it could be another year of trying (I hope it isn't for you) so waiting 6 months to try for another year, then wait 9 months for baby to come seems silly. Go for it! Good luck x

Sceptre86 · 02/04/2020 13:55

I would wait a few months, your oh is going to be an older dad anyway ( not a bad thing at all). We don't know what the effects if any there could be on unborn child, pregnancy can be stressful anyway and I wouldn't choose to be pregnant during a pandemic. Your care may not up to normal standards as midwives may be off sick or isolating.

MsChatterbox · 02/04/2020 14:03

It has just been updated that corona can in fact be passed to the baby in pregnancy. This changes my view a bit. I would possibly wait 😔

IceKitten · 02/04/2020 14:06

As you're 30 I would hold off and wait for a bit. I wouldn't want to be pregnant at the moment.

If you were mid to late 30s I'd say carry on.

Original poster

jennylouisaa · 02/04/2020 14:09

@MsChatterbox oh no, that's not good. Where has that info been published as I can't seem to find it?

OP posts:

NovemberRain2 · 02/04/2020 14:11

I think access to healthcare needs to be prioritised for the current population. You sound young enough to wait.

MsChatterbox · 02/04/2020 14:12

I haven't actually looked for original document, just been sent this. So there is hope someone sick has made it up!!

justanothergurl · 02/04/2020 14:12

I would wait. It's an awful time to be pregnant right now.

You can find out about vertical transmission by reading the RCOG guidelines.

Sk191 · 02/04/2020 14:18

Its completely up to you how you feel, I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant with our first and it's not been the first pregnancy experience I'd hoped for. My husband isnt allowed in with me for our 20 week scan, we've living far from family anyway but with then isolation in place I haven't seen anyone for a month. Having said that I'm enjoying working from home and being able to spend more time with my husband. But I think its such an individual experience for everyone, I'm the same age as you 30 and this was a surprise baby, we were intending on starting TTC this autumn onwards. But if I'd had a crystal ball and knew this was coming would I have wanted to be pregnant amongst all this? Probably not, its quite an anxious time anyway and this just adds another layer on. Xxx

Foreverbaffled · 02/04/2020 14:19

@MsChatterbox I saw this too! I think there has been one study that potentially shows transmission from mother to foetus but it’s not conclusive. There are more studies that show the opposite but no one really knows at this stage. The baby in this study was born perfectly healthy. Respiratory virus’ like this rarely cross the placenta so would be a rare occurrence but worth bearing in mind.

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant though so desperately trying to reassure myself!!

Original poster

jennylouisaa · 02/04/2020 14:25

@Foreverbaffled congratulations! It's strange, when I saw your post my first thought was that's amazing, she will be fine! So maybe I've answered my own question

OP posts:

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