To still TTC amidst all this

[jennylouisaa]

Already posted elsewhere but posting here for more advice!
Me and my husband have been TTC for a year. It's been a tough journey so far and as my husband is older than me, we've felt a bit like we're running out of time. Not physically, but doesn't want to be pushing fifty and have a newborn!
If it were you, would you carry on TTC? It's a scary time, but it's hard to give up on something that you want so badly. I know it might be best to wait till this is over, but who knows when that will be

I would wait and have chosen to wait to ttc our second.

Sorry I just realised how negative my post was!!! What I was trying to say was that I have complete empathy for how hard the TTC journey is, and maybe because of that I am a more nervous pregnant person than most? I am very worried about being pregnant right now, and I am not receiving the same level of antenatal care that I did with my first pregnancy.

There is a lot to consider - but if you do decide to continue TTC I would definitely try and think about how you and your OH can limit the risk as much as possible through isolating etc.

Good luck for whatever you decide

Do you have secure jobs?
Do you own your own house?
Are you financially safe?

Those are the issues I'd concern myself with to be honest. We are likely to head into a recession. I would not be having a child unless I was absolutely certain that I was financially secure and had a secure job.

@Lazydaisydaydream it's fine, I really appreciate your post! its definitely something I need to consider as I too suffer with anxiety and I'm sure that will be heightened in pregnancy, whenever that happens.

@SudokuQueen I am a teacher and hubby is a courier, so our jobs definitely aren't at risk. We own our house and don't planning on moving, it's our forever home! So financially we're prepared, it's just health wise that worries me.

I am 24 weeks. Obviously I got pregnant before all this started and I can't pretend I am not worried.
Having said that, I am really happy to have conceived. At least if you were to get pregnant now you'd know that you'd have to attend scans alone etc

It's tricky because we can't program our bodies. I know people who found it impossible to conceive at 28. You may be able to get pregnant easily at 39, or not at all at 30.
I would try, but that's because I knew I would as I really really wanted to have a child and knew the longer I waited the smaller the chances.

God no, I wouldn't dream of TTC in this situation. Trying to be pregnant and give birth in the midst of an unprecedented worldwide pandemic, in the middle of lockdown, with a rampant virus, no immunity, hugely pressured health and other services, massive uncertainty, economic threats, MASSIVE pressure on the NHS - I wouldn't dream of it. You are 30. It doesn't matter how old he is.

I have a lot of sympathy for you OP.

I was TTC at 30 and we ended up being diagnosed with fertility issues. I was incredibly lucky to conceive via IVF at 33, but still feel that I somehow 'lost' years with my children (I know this is hyperbole, but it is something I feel). I am now 27 weeks pregnant with no 2 (again IVF). So I know how it is to feel pregnant in a pandemic and to have struggled to conceive.

It ultimately is your decision, but I would say that while I was TTC no 1, the thought of the positive test was the be all end all of my thought process. I didn't really consider what came next, and what did come next was a massive amount of anxiety, and I am not normally an anxious person. Please don't under estimate how emotional a time being pregnant is, and how testing it is to worry about a pandemic as well as all the millions of other things you can't control about your health when you are pregnant.

If I were you, I'd wait 3 month to see how this plays out and then look at things again.

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.

I'd wait three months, we'll know more by then.

From another perspective, if this continues, or mutates, we'll be back to possibly dying at anytime over 55. That's how it used to be for Dad's when i was growing up in the 70's.

Is he in optimum health? I'm early 50's and manage my grandchildren for a few days without getting tired. There's many foster carers in their 50's and beyond, or GPs bringing up their grandchildren.

DH and I were planning to start TTC this summer. I am also 30, OP, if this helps.

I pulled the plug on that idea before we even went into lockdown! It makes me slightly sad to feel like I am “missing out” on that experience in the coming year, but I feel like I’ll be busy enough (am also a teacher, too!) that the time will fly by. And I do feel like 30 is still young these days to have a first baby. None of my friends the same age have babies yet.

I just thought it sounded so dangerous to place yourself into the care of a very overstretched NHS right now. I’m already petrified of childbirth, and would want to ask for an elective c-section, which I’m guessing they aren’t exactly falling over themselves to hand out right now. I’ve a history of extensive gynaecological issues, so I’m already well aware of how far down the list of priorities female healthcare is, and would rather wait and hope that my chances for better healthcare will improve further down the line.

I am becuase due to my age and previous problems of conceiving and history of miscarriages if we stop now then we are accepting we will never have another child and I am not ready to do that. By the time this is all over it will be too late for me. I'm more worried about having another miscarriage under current conditions, hut at least know what I am doing if it happens again.

I would wait, dh would continue.

I discovered just before this all kicked off that I’m pregnant. Not going to lie, I’m anxious but this is my 4th pregnancy (2nd baby hopefully) and I’ve been an anxious mess in all.

I’ve even considered a termination but it’s happened now and after discussing it with dh we can’t terminate a much wanted baby.
Realistically, I also think to have peace of mind we would have to wait another 12-18 months to try again and who knows what else could be happening in the world/our lives then.

I'm 34 weeks pregnant atm. It's horrible. I'm so scared. I've to travel 20 miles to the hospital to see the consultant tomorrow and I hate the thoughts of even leaving the house

I wouldn’t. I heard this week (from a reliable source) that the nicu at Manchester Children’s is being moved to Alder Hey to make room for adults. This won’t be the only example of such things happening.

I'm going to take the antibody test as soon as it's humanly possible and cross everything that I'm one of those who is asymptomatic. But if I'm negative, I'm probably going to crack on - I'm 35 nearly 36, I just can't wait any longer.

I'm 42 and ttc and trying ttc number 2. As time is not on my side, we are carrying on.

I'd wait for a few months, then go for it. At 30 you've got time, if you were 40 i would say don't wait as you have likely less then. I'd spend the time saving, starting folic acid and supplements maybe, etc.

What do you mean by tough time? Not details being nosy but i know from friends that if you need ivf you will probably be out of luck anyway sadly so the choice may well be removed. If you don't mean ivf that doesn't apply as sex unprotected or protected is your only choice and no one can remove that from you

We are waiting until summer to see the situation then. I'll be 35 then, though I'm not worried about my age, but just for reference. 30 is so young!

I have just emerged from two weeks of illness with suspected CV. I've never been so unwell and frightened in my life. I can't imagine being that ill plus pregnant. I'm not wanting to scare you but just to gently advise you to consider that possibility and like PP have said the strain on the NHS. Best of luck with whatever you decide

I think it’s crazy to be honest.

We just don’t know what is going to happen. What if a vaccine isn’t possible? Or the virus mutates?

You could get pregnant straight away and we could still be in the midst of it all. Giving birth alone and then not being able to have family visit (and help) sounds awful. Then not being able to go to baby groups or outings...

People who are already pregnant will have to deal with this, but to deliberately plan a baby seems mad to me.

I honestly wouldn’t right now.

You're only 30. To me that seems very young in fertility terms (appreciate a skewed view, but among my friends no one had a baby until mid 30s). It's unlikely you'll have any problems conceiving and if you do you have a long time to seek treatment. So I would definitely wait. I had hypermesis and a hematoma my second pregnancy and was in hospital twice in first trimester -- that's not uncommon but something you really wouldn't want right now!! Even going for scans would be unpleasant I think, because you'd be walking through a very contagious place to get to the maternity area (at least in hospital I went to). And it will be much harder to enjoy the pregnancy in isolation and with all the worries about lower standards of maternity care, possibly effects on fetus etc.

YABU. Why anyone would continue to ttc during a pandemic baffles me. I am currently pregnant and it has been hell. There is a lack of proper medical care, no family or friends to access for support and still very limited medical knowledge around the impact of corona virus on pregnant women, unborn babies and newborns. If you do it, expect no support and that you may be selfishly putting your own health and babies health at risk whilst clogging up an already overloaded medical care system.

I would wait until January 2021 in your position.

Yes, we will continue trying. I'm 37, and have unexplained infertility. I'm not going to try anymore fertility treatments until the pandemic is over, but I'm not going to stop trying on my own. We've been trying for several years and have no children together. I desperately want to become a mother. If I were much younger or already had a child, I would probably make a different decision. But alas, here we are. I'm also in the US, so it's a different healthcare system here.