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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teaching Assistant disappointed by my 7 year old!!

104 replies

Bingeslayer · 01/04/2020 17:28

This is certainay not a teacher/TA bashing thread,I'm a TA myself.And I know there's much bigger things going on right now.
Anyway,one of the parents of dd's friend and classmate posted a pic on fb of her Dd doing some assigned work.
I commented to say,messing about"tell her to have a word with Dd as she won't do it for me without a fight".Other mum said"oh I told her I'd show Mrs ** if she doesnt".
Now Mrs * is a TA who covers their class one morning a week,so most kids assume she's a teacher,I myself did for quite some time,for context she is known as the "shouty teacher",anyway,said TA is friends with other mum on fb and left a comment addressed to me"Mrs Bingeslayer tell * I am disappointed in her!!! No lol or smiling emoji so deadly serious.
Aibu to think wtf,we as adults are stressed out never mind a 7 year old who's isolating after being ill,so doesnt even get her 1 walk,doesn't get to go to school or see her friends or go out to play.

OP posts:
AlpineSnow · 01/04/2020 19:25

She's playing along with what you said

Healthyandhappy · 01/04/2020 19:30

Nah it's a message to your child to buckle up nowt wrong with this

TitianaTitsling · 01/04/2020 19:31

Well if the thread's being taken seriously now.... As pp said are you now expecting people to believe you fight your young child? Hmm (oh an emoji so I'm being light hearted!)

user3274826 · 01/04/2020 19:36

Sounds like she was being playful, after being used as a threat! Weird that you've taken it so seriously.

ChicCroissant · 01/04/2020 19:43

I commented to say,messing about"tell her to have a word with Dd as she won't do it for me without a fight".

So you were joking and making a comment, but you consider her comment to be deadly serious. That's not very likely really and I hope you didn't pass either comment on to your DD!

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 01/04/2020 19:46

You set it up yourself by saying you needed someone to have a word with your DD!
I do think the TA was joking but if you don't want the school to try to chivvy your DD along then don't say you need them to!

Wehttam · 01/04/2020 19:56

What the heck OP, talk about overreacting. I have some grips for you 🙄💐

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 01/04/2020 20:03

It’s a stressful time for everyone OP, let the minor things go, her opinion in the grand scheme of things isn’t worth any reaction at all.

lottiegarbanzo · 01/04/2020 20:05

The TA gave you what you asked for - someone else 'having a word' with your dd. Without actually contacting your dd of course. Whether you share the message with your dd is entirely up to you.

Seems to me she read your and other parent's tone perfectly and took part in your little joke, in good spirit. You, on the other hand...

MrsKypp · 01/04/2020 20:09

Are TAs or teachers even allowed on pupils' FB pages or even to discuss them on FB?

Safeguarding? GDPR?

Not being a TA or teacher I am only guessing, but it seems extremely inappropriate.

Stay off FB?

lottiegarbanzo · 01/04/2020 20:11

7 year-olds don't have Facebook pages.

The conversation took place on OP's friend's page.

Sirzy · 01/04/2020 20:11

She isn’t on a pupils fb page. She is on a parents fb page.

I am friends on fb with a few members of staff from DS school because it’s a close knit community and I was friends with them before Ds started there!

MrsKypp · 01/04/2020 20:14

Ok, so on OPs page, that's better, but I still don't think it's acceptable for any TA or teacher to mention / discuss pupils in any way on FB.

If they did about mine I'd ask them politely to delete and stop.

Children have a right to privacy, don't they?

Seaweed42 · 01/04/2020 20:16

I hate it when parents get attention for themselves by using their young kids.
Now look where they are. An issue created by the parents. Two young girls dragged into something without their permission.
Just do the fecking homework without posting photos of your kids and inviting comments.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 01/04/2020 20:18

Not even an emoji!?? Well this woman is clearly a monster

81Byerley · 01/04/2020 20:19

This is the problem when something is said in print...you can't see the accompanying wink!

LolaSmiles · 01/04/2020 20:21

Are TAs or teachers even allowed on pupils' FB pages or even to discuss them on FB?
Wouldn't be on pupils' pages unless there was a very good reason to eg family.

When I moved schools and knew a number of students already for several years I had to remove them. Safeguarding is also about adults keeping themselves safe and it was better to remove them and avoid any potential issues or gossip.

Staff being on parents' pages is more of a grey area and will depend on your school.

For example, I've taught a number of colleagues' children and had them added on social media. We also socialised out of school. I've also had parents added from sports clubs and groups because I have a separate friendship with them.

Generally schools taking the common sense line tend to say if there's a relationship outside of your professional one then it's fine and use your discretion, but don't if it's someone you only have a staff-parent professional relationship with.

Safeguarding? GDPR?
See above. It's context.

Eg One of my friends posted last day of school photos of their children. Their children go to my school. I commented; no safeguarding issue.

Generally common sense prevails and if there's busybodies looking for ways to be offended then that's their problem.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 01/04/2020 20:24

@MrsKypp well if you care that mych about your kid's privacy we can assume you wouldn't be posting about her,especially her refusing to do her work on FB to begin with. Then no one can comment on it or the child, school staff or otherwise.

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 01/04/2020 20:30

As a teacher I wouldn’t comment. I wouldn’t be friends with a school mum and if we had overlapping friends and a school related topic came up I certainly wouldn’t comment. The reason? Well now you are annoyed and whether she meant it or didn’t, she’s created a situation unnecessarily.

Many TAs are highly professional (and under paid!) but perhaps they don’t alway a get the training on these matters that you would as a teacher. So TAs will make their own judgements (mainly very sensible ones, this one clearly made a poor one in my view).

Hercwasonaroll · 01/04/2020 20:32

This is obviously a joke.

OP are you always this serious?

tttigress · 01/04/2020 20:34

I think you are over reacting.

But maybe one thing to learn is not to discuss your DC on social media, especially if people you barely know can pile in with comments.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 01/04/2020 20:39

Tbh as a TA I wouldn't have replied or joined in with the joke because I don't appreciate being used as a threat.

Original poster
Bingeslayer · 01/04/2020 20:40

Hi all,haven't read all the thread as yet just a few comments either end but the voting is enough to register I maybe took it too much to hearthe.
To clarify a few things asked,I messinglying asked for the other 7 year old to have a word,as my Dd really likes her so good influence,the TA was not tagged in post she must have been reading post and chose to comment because her formal name was used.
The exclamations were mine sorry,she ended on full stop.
I am very sensitive to any perceived or apparent criticism and take things to heart.

OP posts:
fairlyplump · 01/04/2020 20:50

OMG a comment on FB, get a grip !!

AmelieTaylor · 01/04/2020 20:50

Maybe she hoped you telling you DD that she said that would make DD comply more & make it easier for you.

Or maybe she’s just a cow?

However, in the nicest possible way, a comment your DD won’t even know about unless you tell her, really isn’t worth giving a second thought to. May I pass you some of the worries keeping me awake at night?