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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we need to move?

59 replies

Springfresh791 · 01/04/2020 13:03

Hi! This is my first post, but I’ve always found these threads so helpful so here it goes...

We are married and own our own home. We were very fortunate to get very good value for money when we bought our house and bought it with the view that we would not need to move when we decide to start a family. It’s probably not our forever home, but definitely big enough for our needs for now. We have, however, recently discovered that our neighbour has been convicted of pedophilia. He received a suspended sentence, so is still living there with his family, who have apparently decided to stand by him. I am really struggling with anxiety as a result of this, as while we are not trying for children right now, it is certainly on the cards in the next couple of years and we didn’t envisage having to move before that next step. I suppose I’m asking, am I being unreasonable in feeling that we will have to move before we decide to start a family? I just feel a bit in limbo and feel that this has massively put our plans on hold. I also feel really angry that we are in this position.

OP posts:
LIZS · 01/04/2020 13:07

Are you sure you did not post the other day? Why are you assuming that any future children would be at risk? What do you understand of the circumstances? You need to get a handle on your anxiety, you could just as easily move into a difficult situation again.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2020 13:10

Unless you're psychic and know for a fact your next home will be nowhere near a pedophile (either convicted or undetected) then yes, YABU.

CoffeeRunner · 01/04/2020 13:10

What actual facts do you know?

If the neighbours’ whereabouts & convictions aren’t publicly known, he could well move long before you have a child of your own.

CoffeeRunner · 01/04/2020 13:11

ARE publicly known.

Original poster
Springfresh791 · 01/04/2020 13:12

Hi @LIZS. Thanks for your reply, no I’ve never posted before. I do acknowledge that my anxiety is a factor in this but I suppose that’s why I’m looking for other opinions really. I’m not sure it’s the direct risk I’m worrying about. It’s just put a huge shadow over our plans and our home if I’m honest.

OP posts:
RHTawneyonabus · 01/04/2020 13:12

This should make no difference to your plans. I can’t understand how it would. Presumably you weren’t planning to let your young child roam around the neighbourhood unsupervised?

namechanger0989 · 01/04/2020 13:13

I think you need the facts first about exactly what he has been convicted of.... example if he was 19 and having sex with his 15 year old girlfriend that is not the same risk as someone who was convicted of offences against a young child. Also, where did you get the info from? If it was Barbara down the road, who got it from her auntie's cousins dogs husband then make sure you get official details from the police.
It's a tricky situation to be in because I wouldn't want to live there with children if there is a risk either but I also wouldn't want to be selling it to someone else who may be in the same situation.

BiBiBirdie · 01/04/2020 13:13

Who told you?
Unless you've been told by someone in authority, I would be very careful.

Original poster
Springfresh791 · 01/04/2020 13:21

It was published in the local news and he was named when he was sentenced. Without going into too much detail, he was part of an online community sharing images and videos. From what I can tell, they were as severe as it gets and the highest category possible before a jail sentence. I completely agree with what others have said about the fact that obviously I would not allow any future children to be at risk, but I can’t shake the feeling that I would be uncomfortable knowing he is next door, house overlooks the garden etc. Thanks for all the responses so far, I am well aware that my anxiety is playing a part here too.

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 01/04/2020 13:24

After this crisis is over I’d leave as soon as it became profitable to do so.

LIZS · 01/04/2020 13:24

If he is on the Sex Offenders register there will be restrictions placed on his movements and activities.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/04/2020 13:25

Be really careful about what you have heard here. This sort of information is not readily available, especially not where someone is still living in the community.

enjoyingSun · 01/04/2020 13:27

I'd plan to move long term- though baby young toddler wouldn't be far from you ever but if your finding your anxiety is already adversley affected I doubt that's going to improve with time.

OlaEliza · 01/04/2020 13:33

@RHTawneyonabus This should make no difference to your plans. I can’t understand how it would. Presumably you weren’t planning to let your young child roam around the neighbourhood unsupervised?

Would you want to live next door to someone that could be enjoying themselves while watching your kids from behind their curtains?

I fucking wouldn't.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/04/2020 13:33

I don't think it's unreasonable to feel some anxiety at this news...I wouldn't be happy either..

BUT have you considered this is somehow 'good news? '... At least you KNOW.. So your future toddler can be kept from saying hello to the friendly man next door...

The vast, vast, majority of paedophiles are NOT known either to the courts or police.

As we know the most 'successful' paedophiles go unnoticed for years... And often are exactly the sort of people who parents would trust (Stuart Hall, Rolf Harris)

Fleetheart · 01/04/2020 13:35

I would move to be honest

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/04/2020 13:36

PS you really have several years until it would become an issue. A small child you'd always be with...

A slightly older child who may be playing without mediate supervision outside would be more worrying...

In the meantime I would be growing large hedges so the man can't see into your garden...

I would also want to move if he was still there when my kids were above toddling age.

Aderyn19 · 01/04/2020 13:36

I'd move. I couldn't knowingly live next door to someone like that. I also couldn't sell to a family with kids though. It's so unfair that you have to deal with this, instead of the nasty fucker being locked up until he dies.

Poppi89 · 01/04/2020 13:37

The trouble is you could move somewhere and your new neighbour could be a paedophile but you won't know.

It's the same with family members and friends - unfortunately, most paedophiles are not on the register so you won't know.

Badassmama · 01/04/2020 13:38

Move ASAP. But I would not feel comfortable selling to a family or young couple either.

Cordial11 · 01/04/2020 13:39

I would move. I couldn't hide the disgust in my face everytime I seen him.

Beautiful3 · 01/04/2020 13:40

We moved away from our first home when a new neighbour followed the paper girl, and exposed himself. Yes of course you should move.

Tipsylizard · 01/04/2020 13:44

I lived next door to a man who was convicted and jailed for historical child sexual abuse. He was let out on licence and moved back to his flat. It was enormously uncomfortable for everyone and I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge him at all. I was single and had no children but was revulsed by his crime. After a while he moved away - I was beyond relieved but wonder where he ended up moving to and if his new neighbours would ever know.

Ohtherewearethen · 01/04/2020 13:47

I couldn't bear this, I'd have to move. Imagine having to pop round if he's accepted a parcel for you or if he tried to get into a conversation with you as you're getting in the car/in your garden, etc. I just couldn't enjoy my home knowing that a filthy baby raper was next door.

Original poster
Springfresh791 · 01/04/2020 13:55

Thanks all, I really appreciate the responses here!

OP posts: