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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we need to move?

59 replies

Springfresh791 · 01/04/2020 13:03

Hi! This is my first post, but I’ve always found these threads so helpful so here it goes...

We are married and own our own home. We were very fortunate to get very good value for money when we bought our house and bought it with the view that we would not need to move when we decide to start a family. It’s probably not our forever home, but definitely big enough for our needs for now. We have, however, recently discovered that our neighbour has been convicted of pedophilia. He received a suspended sentence, so is still living there with his family, who have apparently decided to stand by him. I am really struggling with anxiety as a result of this, as while we are not trying for children right now, it is certainly on the cards in the next couple of years and we didn’t envisage having to move before that next step. I suppose I’m asking, am I being unreasonable in feeling that we will have to move before we decide to start a family? I just feel a bit in limbo and feel that this has massively put our plans on hold. I also feel really angry that we are in this position.

OP posts:
Newernewist · 01/04/2020 14:13

Im with you OP, i couldn't live there knowing that.

JackMummy12 · 01/04/2020 14:15

I’d have to move too.

I know you don’t know wherever you move, but I couldn’t look at him knowing and the garden thing would be an issue for me.

Perhaps don’t worry until you are ready to have children, you could always move once you start trying. In the meantime he might move out and his family may move away.

For me I couldn’t live next to the family either, knowing he might come back to visit would be enough to make me feel uneasy.

Elsa8 · 01/04/2020 14:25

I’d move too.

Staypositivepeople · 01/04/2020 14:35

I’ve raised 4 kids in my home ,where I have lived 20 years
Neighbors both sides have come and gone ,my kids have never been near any of the neighbors..s sad as that probably is ,dosnt say much for any community spirit ,but there you go ,everyone keeps to themselves

Staypositivepeople · 01/04/2020 14:37

But I never let mine wander round naked in the garden ,so I wouldn’t care if anyone looked over .
If he was constantly looking in ,that’s another matter entirely,and one you could report to police or put in higher fences
It’s a lot of money to move
There’s no way of knowing who your neighbors would be in any house ,as people come and go all the time .

helpfulperson · 01/04/2020 14:42

Surely it's better to know that this is a neighbour to avoid and not let the children near that a whole new set of neighbours you know nothing about that could well have convictions for all sorts.

RishiSunakFanClub · 01/04/2020 14:45

To be honest, unless you go and live in total isolation, in most cases you will have no idea who or what your neighbour is. You could move and the neighbour could be unknown to the police and be ten times worse than your current neighbour who will at least have restrictions placed upon him. Someone you know and trust could also be a paedophile and be the last person you would ever suspect. The only way to avoid this is by living in a bubble.

Itwillbeokhopefully · 01/04/2020 15:01

I would move before I had children. I wouldn't even like to live next door to one without DC running round either.

Yes the argument of "you never know who your next neighbour will be" makes sense. But in this case you do so naturally you would want to avoid them.

Iamamoleinthegarden · 01/04/2020 15:03

You have to inform your purchasers to protect their children.

AvonBarksdale99 · 01/04/2020 15:04

If you don’t have kids yet then you don’t need to move right now. He might go before you do surely

PurpleCrazyHorse · 01/04/2020 15:08

I don't know actually. At least I knew. If you moved, you could also be living next to a paedophile and have no idea, he might seem nice, chats to the kids over the fence, your guard is down, the kids start to trust him....

PurpleCrazyHorse · 01/04/2020 15:08

... or her!

MirandaGoshawk · 01/04/2020 16:23

This would cast a huge shadow over my enjoyment of living in my house, and therefore in your position I would start making plans to move before having a family. I would hate to feel that I couldn't speak to my neighbours. But yes, a moral dilemma about what you say to potential buyers.

maybelou · 01/04/2020 16:29

Can't believe anyone has said you're being unreasonable - I would DEFINITELY move OP!

Everyone saying that there's a chance you could move next to another one - yeah, well, there's a 100% chance of living near one right now!

I refuse to believe the people saying you're unreasonable would be happy to raise their children next door to a convicted paedophile - if you are happy to do that then I am seriously questioning your parenting choices, bloody hell!

Name739017 · 01/04/2020 17:12

I would move but since you don’t have children yet I’d wait to see what will happen with the housing market after the coronavirus thing is over. Yuck, though. 🤢

mindproject · 01/04/2020 17:17

I would move as soon as possible, as far away as possible. Although, they are everywhere, so you might not achieve anything.

mindproject · 01/04/2020 17:19

There must be a lot of pedos on this forum if 57% think it's fine to have sickos living next door.

LakieLady · 01/04/2020 17:31

Most paedophiles will be living in communities where no-one is any the wiser about their offending history. In my previous job, I supported people who needed help in getting housed and managing their tenancies. Clients included ex-prisoners being released from prison and some of those were people with convictions for child sex offences.

In each of those cases, their neighbours either never became aware of their neighbour's offending history or, if they did, never let on about it. Two of them live in the same town as me and I see them in town from time to time, they've not encountered any hostility.

I don't think people in the local neighbourhood have a clue, especially as the offences were committed a long way away.

OlaEliza · 01/04/2020 17:41

Do you think that is right, LakieLady? I know people serve their time etc but I don't think that stands for nonces.

UterusesBeforeDuderuses · 01/04/2020 17:58

Honestly I don't think I could live there just knowing he's there and what he did. It would just constantly be on my mind

funnylittlefloozie · 01/04/2020 18:05

There must be a lot of pedos on this forum if 57% think it's fine to have sickos living next door.

ODFOD, dear.

crosstalk · 01/04/2020 18:20

OP You don't have children at the moment and no one is moving anyway while this virus goes through.

LouiseCollina · 01/04/2020 18:27

Yes I would get out of there before I even began trying for a baby. I’m pregnant at the moment and can feel my baby kicking every day. If I knew with certainty that there was a convicted paedo next door I’d have a hard job not doing violence.

anotherlittlechicken · 01/04/2020 18:31

YANBU.

anotherlittlechicken · 01/04/2020 18:32

@Springfresh791

YANBU. I would feel uncomfortable living there. I know people (supposedly) have a right to rehabilitate, but personally, I don't think this should apply to pedophiles.